Dh moody and awful to me, then expects me to be happy

[Needtogetthetreedownnow]

I love the build up to xmas and go all out to try to make it special and exciting for young Dc. We’ve had a very difficult year and it’s hard to stay positive, but i’m able to when focussing on Dc
On xmas eve, Dh was in a horrible mood and said some awful things, it just sent me under. Xmas day I managed to hold it together but have felt really down ever since. Dh is now back to a chirpier mood and doesn’t understand why I can’t be

Sorry this happened - have you talked to him about it?

He sounds like an arse. Its very common, im sorry.

He won’t change. Be very clear on that. Is this what you want for yours and your children’s future?

My exdp was like this. Note ex

He does understand.
He was nasty and abusive to you and now wants you to pretend he wasn't so he's not uncomfortable and doesn't have to deal with what he did.

Of course he understands. He likes to do this to you.

Oh, he does understand. He dragged you down deliberately. Whenever he is in a bad mood, he will make sure you are too. By being cruel if that's what it takes. Now he's up, he will be offended that you aren't happy too.
My ex was like this. It's lovely to be free of it.

Does he do the same on your birthday?

Are you able to speak to him and tell him what a complete wanker he was? And ask why he insists on doing this? Without him gaslighting the shit out of the situation?

Mine was like this. Nasty and would say some awful things to me then he would be all chirpy, singing, like nothing had happened. He’s now my ex but is still an arse, just in other ways!

Of course he knows exactly what he's doing.

Also had ex like this. Moody for days then expected everyone to be happy when he was again.
Often coincided with important events to me such as birthday or Christmas.
Have a think if this is the first time he has done it, id guess the answer is no

He absolutely understands but he’s not prepared to accept it because if he did, he’d have to accept responsibility for being awful to you.

I agree with all the PP. Have a think about what you want your future to look like OP. I too had one like this, now an ex.

Isn’t that was a narcissist does?

Make 2026 the year you dump the nasty fucker.

If you are like me, you have probably been bossing your husband around before Christmas as there is so much to do and just not enough hours in the day.

Men hate being bossed around. You husband might be happier simply because Christmas is over.

Yes, he rained on your parade. He probably doesn't get it.

I have been married for over 20 years. You take it or you leave it.

Further to the earlier post....

Be mindful, most of the advice on Mumsnet is to get rid.

I said to him that he made me feel shit that day when I was trying to be strong for Christmas and now I feel really down. He said it was because he was feeling and then sort of implied it was my fault

Sounds like you really need to talk how you made each other feel.

There is no right and wrong when it comes to feelings. Feelings are outside our control, only our actions are.

You are feeling he is implying you are at fault. He might say this is completely wrong interpretation of his behaviour.

You need to talk.

From a personal perspective, I learned long time ago not to overdo Christmas.