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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pal infidelity

9 replies

Rosie8880 · 29/12/2025 15:21

A pal has been with their partner for two years. This is an old school pal I see maybe a couple of times a year. We speak on the phone around once a month. He often shares how his partner is annoying him, how he finds her unreasonable. How he wants to give it time but he seems to have been unhappy for over a year. I’ve not met her. They don’t live together and both have children around the same age too. Over Xmas shared he went out with fiends and met someone and had a one night stand. He will be splitting up with his partner I believe after NYE. He mentioned he in some ways wanted an argument caused by her to be the trigger.

He’s a good bloke but AIBU to be upset by this. I really find it hard when someone wants to leave but doesn’t do the heavy lifting and hopes for an argument to lessen the load of having that conversation. I feel awful for his partner no matter how unreasonable she may be too. does happen I know, but feel a bit disappointed in my pal.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 29/12/2025 15:26

Not really a good bloke when he doesnt have the guts to have a difficult conversation with a partner of 2 years before screwing a ONS... and hoping to trigger an argument so he doesnt have to be the one to finish it.

Hes not a good bloke... hes a shit and a cheat

No YANBU to be disappointed your pal is a cheat and a shit

SmileyMoonset · 29/12/2025 15:30

He is not a good bloke.

Rosie8880 · 29/12/2025 15:40

toomuchfaff · 29/12/2025 15:26

Not really a good bloke when he doesnt have the guts to have a difficult conversation with a partner of 2 years before screwing a ONS... and hoping to trigger an argument so he doesnt have to be the one to finish it.

Hes not a good bloke... hes a shit and a cheat

No YANBU to be disappointed your pal is a cheat and a shit

It’s why I am so surprised. He’s never done this before. He’s really been there for past partners who also have on past cheated on him. I’m loathe to have a knee jerk reaction as we are all flawed and make mistakes. So I’m worried and disappointed if the at makes sense. Feel like he’s lost his way.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 29/12/2025 15:47

So tell him. He’s been open about his plans so I don’t see why you shouldn’t be honest. Send a message if it’s easier. ‘Mike, on reflection I think your plan to trigger an argument and blame Jane for the breakup is pretty immature and mean. Why not speak to her and be honest that the relationship hasn’t worked out and you both need to move on? It’s kinder and it’s honest and a more mature way of dealing with this. Hope you consider this. HNY.’

toomuchfaff · 29/12/2025 15:49

MatildaTheCat · 29/12/2025 15:47

So tell him. He’s been open about his plans so I don’t see why you shouldn’t be honest. Send a message if it’s easier. ‘Mike, on reflection I think your plan to trigger an argument and blame Jane for the breakup is pretty immature and mean. Why not speak to her and be honest that the relationship hasn’t worked out and you both need to move on? It’s kinder and it’s honest and a more mature way of dealing with this. Hope you consider this. HNY.’

Agree with @MatildaTheCat

Have a conversation with him

Rosie8880 · 29/12/2025 16:06

MatildaTheCat · 29/12/2025 15:47

So tell him. He’s been open about his plans so I don’t see why you shouldn’t be honest. Send a message if it’s easier. ‘Mike, on reflection I think your plan to trigger an argument and blame Jane for the breakup is pretty immature and mean. Why not speak to her and be honest that the relationship hasn’t worked out and you both need to move on? It’s kinder and it’s honest and a more mature way of dealing with this. Hope you consider this. HNY.’

thank you. We spoke earlier this week and I shared along that line. That he needs to t ll her respectfully. He knows all of this too. Worry something more than this is up atm too.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 29/12/2025 16:10

When you say something more is up, what do you mean @Rosie8880 ?

He seems like he's got his dodgy plan which seems bad enough. I hope he listened to your advice about breaking up respectfully. If not then I guess you know he's not such a great person.

HipHopDontYouStop · 29/12/2025 16:43

He’s a creep.

crazeekat · 29/12/2025 16:47

Yanbu but it’s not ur business, keep out of it.

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