Did your marriage suffer when you had small DC?

[AtWitsEnd21]

Just looking for people’s perspective on marriage with small DC.

We have two DC 2&4. DC2 was a very difficult baby, cried constantly for 18m. Colic, reflux, generally very high needs. DC4 terrible sleeper to this day does not sleep through. DC2 not a great sleeper either.

I am chronically tired from all the night time wake ups, illnesses and general tumult of having two small DC.

I feel like my marriage has really suffered in the last few years. Did anyone else find this? I can’t decide if it’s just the natural effects of two difficult pregnancies, babies, lack of sleep and time or if perhaps we have a bigger problem.

Yes! We had three DC under 4 and our marriage went through a tricky patch. All the normal stuff - both tired, bickering over little things, not enough quality time together. I'm glad we pulled through because things have been good for many years (youngest is 16 now).

Thank you, that’s reassuring to hear

Awful, but normal. Our second child was born a bit early by crash section and then didn’t sleep for more than 3 hours at once for 3 years. A massive shock after her happy, easy going, 3 years older brother. Stay strong. Drink Red Bull. Remember it’s not a race to the bottom. Are your dc at nursery? DH and I used to sometimes take the day off and go out for the day when both dc were in nursery.

(DC are teens now, but I do remember the time of thinking I was actually going insane with tiredness. My boss once drove me home when I arrived at work particularly mad with fatigue)

From what I know this is entirely normal.

our son is 4 1/2 years old we both work full-time have no family support network nearby and are permanently bone tired. This xmas has been particularly hard as my son has regressed and we’ve had a lot of tantrums and difficult days. As such DH and I have been quite tetchy with each other.

Like someone else has posted, about once a month we try to both take a day off and have the day together. But you will be tired, and overstimulated a lot of the time so it’s very natural for things to be a lot less easy, and nothing like they used to be before children.

absolutely - I hate him at times it sometimes feels like - entirely normal: I genuinely dont know a couple who haven’t struggled xx