Sorry this is a long one 🤦
So for back ground I grew up without my Dad. Met him a few times when I was 8 and then nothing. I had a hard childhood with my mum - awful step dads, always alcohol and drugs around and not things like food or stability.
I was 12 when she decided we would move 200 miles away from for a fresh start although it just got worse.
20 years ago I got in touch with my Dad and found out I was the eldest of 7. We swopped letters, cards and phone calls and then after I refused to meet up with him as I wasn't ready he disappeared again. I was more upset not to be able to meet my brother's and sisters than my dad but they were a lot younger than me.
Then about 12 years ago I got in touch with my brother and sister via Facebook and this time I went and met my Dad and his family.
It was emotional and I have to admit to being confused that he was such a great dad to everyone else. He had 6 kids with 3 women and was now well sole parent for the youngest 3.
His excuses for not being in my life didn't quite ring true but I balanced that with knowing my mum wasn't the easiest and we had moved around.
11 years ago my Mum died suddenly in her sleep and I was glad to have a parent in my Dad. I went on to suffer terrible depression and at one point I was suicidal and he would spend hours just taking to me.
Visits were few and far between due to the 200 mile distance but I always loved seeing him. I finally felt like I had a Dad.
So to now..my son left home a few years ago and now lives by my dad and all my family from both sides. I am in a stable relationship and mental health is good except for the conflict of the relationship I now have with my dad.
He has become increasingly flaky and it's really getting me down.
Take the pre - Christmas visit last week. I've driven 200 miles and booked into a hotel for 3 nights to see everyone. My dad calls whilst I'm driving so I said I'd see him the next day. He promises to take me out for food.
The next day he goes completely AWOL. Can't get him on the phone. My son and sister drive around looking for him.
Gone 10pm he starts calling me...bad day at work...lunch then next day?
Same thing again..he calls me about 3pm to say running late. He eventually turns up at my sister's house gone 5pm. He's emotional and cries and hugs me. We have a brief catch up and then we go to see my other sister for an hour.
He spends half the time on his phone knowing full well I'm leaving shortly.
We left there and he said..oh I'll take you for breakfast in the morning. I said in going to visit someone and then driving home Dad.
I'd spent less than 2 hours with him. It had been 6 months since I last saw him.
He called me when I was driving home saying he wanted to give me money for Christmas and would pay it in my bank.
I felt like screaming I don't want your stupid money ...I'd just like some of your time!
He never calls me, never sends a card or a message. He does this now all the time when I travel up to see him..he is either not there or there but on his phone.
I came home feeling really like 'what's the point?'
No phone calls Christmas day as promised, instead he put money in my bank and tried calling me very late on Boxing day. I didn't pick up.
I don't know if I should try to spell it out to him or just not bother at all in future. My siblings are now old enough that I don't have to go through Dad to contact them.
I just don't understand how one minute he can be crying to see me and then spend half of the time on his phone knowing it will be months before we see each other again.
Even my younger sister was upset by him being like that as she said she felt it embarrassing looking for him when I always completely prioritize them whenever they visit me.