To feel deflated

[Bakermum5]

Aibu to feel this way?
On the run up to Christmas I did all the shopping, food shopping I wrapped all the kids presents and the stockings I prepped the dinner and cleaned the entire house ( whilst my husband was shopping for 6 hours) I cooked the dinner laid the table and didn’t even have time to get dressed whilst my husband had a shower got himself dressed. I carefully thought of Xmas gift for him and bought him monthly pay formula one ticket and then created an explosion box with hints and clues and even printed fake boarding passes luggage tags, went to travel bureau for Hungarian money and made him a lanyard with our tickets in. I also bought him 2 pairs of trousers, jumper, boxers and slippers. I made Xmas Eve boxes for the kids, remembered to get a Santa plate, some cookies, hot chocolate etc too.
I feel really bloody frazzled and have a short fuse. My husband bought me an electric toothbrush a heated blanket and electric teeth scaler and some shower gels, am I being unreasonable to feel absolutely dead inflated that I care so much to make the Christmas magic for our kids and the home clean and do all the cooking and surprise him with a gift like that and that’s all I get from him and no contribution towards the running of Christmas or anything? Might add we have 5 kids. I appreciate his gifts I do. It’s just no effort for me.

Why though? Why put yourself through this when you know it’s not being reciprocated?

That’s pretty poor OP. Have you spoken to him about it?
There is a big imbalance here.

2 machines for teeth and smellies? Is he trying to tell you something? Cheeky git.

Tell him he's made you feel like shit and you don't want to do gifts for each other anymore.

Scale it down next year and he gets to pitch in as well.

did you agree that all of that effort you made was necessary? Perhaps he’d prefer less fuss made of Christmas and acted accordingly. With 5 kids the run up to Christmas is utterly exhausting and as if nears I’m getting more and more burned out. Perhaps he is too? Why not just get the kids presents, get a tree and cook Christmas dinner? Take the easy way out. Christmas Eve boxes are nonsense, and I don’t even know what an explosion box is either but that sounds OTT too.

5 kids? No wonder you're knackered. Maybe just dial things down a bit in future- your F1 present sounds incredible, but things like that only work if you accept that other people probably don't put that level of effort into a present.

Also, I wouldn't be impressed with a teeth scaler as a present! That is not a cool gift, unless you specifically asked for it.

I wouldn't change anything about what you did for the children, as I enjoy and think it's important to put lots of effort in to make it magical for them. I'd match his energy for gifts to him, and not put so much time into it if you feel it's not reciprocal.

Agree not to do gifts for each other anymore. Christmas is stressful and the ‘mismatch’ of gifts can evoke rage 😂

We agree to do something nice last weekend in January after payday! This year we are hoping abroad for 3 nights thanks to the Ryanair sale, sometimes is just a show/nice meal. No stress re:presents for each other.

Your Xmas sounds lovely, but it’s only lovely if you enjoy putting in the effort and it’s matched and appreciated by others, your in martyr territory here.

Match other folks energy.

Why on earth are you doing all the work? You need to sit him down before Christmas, list all that needs doing and divide it up between you! Stop being such a mug 🤷‍♀️

Did you ask him to do any of the preparations for Xmas or cleaning of the house? Or suggest that he peel the potatoes and Other veg? Also, I thought the gifts he bought you were pretty good. I didn’t know that Electric teeth scalers were available to buy and I’ll be picking one up for myself asap.

I assume he wasn’t some thoughtful Prince Charming one day and woke up the next like this so the question is why have you stayed with him, had so many children with him and continued to do absolutely everything for everyone?

He does nothing and gives no effort because he knows he doesn’t have to it’s simple.

Ah yes because you need a vagina to instinctively know the house needs cleaned or food needs to be cooked. Or that gifts need bought.

Oh I feel for you OP- but I would cut lots of that out! Keep Christmas simple and scale it back- your mental health is important

With regards to the presents and effort, do it because you want to do it and enjoy doing it, not because you want the same in return - or just don't do it.

With regards to your useless husband, I've been there and felt annoyed, unappreciated and like an unpaid skivvy too. I can't stand the 'did you ask him to...' response. Who tells us that food needs buying, prepping, cooking or the dishwasher loaded or plates taken away (ad infinitum)? What if we all waited around for someone to tell us what to do? It's a completely pathetic cop out and it needs addressing. I'm sure this isn’t a Christmas issue, either, it's all year round.

Pull back. I did that this yeat and it has been way less stressful