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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Different s*x drives :(

13 replies

ngonizashe · 28/12/2025 18:44

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5 years. We don’t live together, we are about 40 mins drive from each other. In the beginning we used to DTD every time we saw each other which was a couple of times a week. He now says he has a low s*x drive and we only see each other at weekends for two nights. He has even started complaining that this is too much and wants to see me less. Like 2 or 3 weekends a month which doesn’t seem enough to me. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but now I have to practically beg for intimacy including kisses or cuddles and every time I suggest DTD he rolls his eyes and huffs and puffs, sometimes he eventually relents (most of the time he pushes me / my hand away) nowadays we DTD once a week at best. He claims he’s got a low drive and almost implies there’s something wrong with me, but I’d be happy with twice a week. He does put a lot of pressure on himself to perform and is apparently terrified of erectile dysfunction but we’ve never had that issue. He cheated on me a year ago and I can’t help feeling pretty rubbish about myself :( he also hates phone calls and has a go at me if I ring him 9 times out of 10. He says it’s because he’s autistic, but I’m autistic too and find it quite cruel.

OP posts:
Rumplestrumpet · 28/12/2025 18:46

It seems clear this relationship isn't going anywhere. He seems quite unkind but even if he were doing nothing wrong, you're just not making each other happy.

Plus he cheated on you and has never really made up for it. Its time to find a decent man who deserves you.

DearLemon · 28/12/2025 18:47

Low sex drive but enough to cheat on you? Come on now. Irrespective of the cheating, mismatched sex drives is a perfectly legitimate reason to break up. And that’s before we move on to him making you feel bad about yourself.

Gasbox · 28/12/2025 18:48

Kindly OP, why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? You're worth more than someone who's so lukewarm towards you, I'd be getting rid and freeing up space to meet someone lovely if I were you.

00Platinum · 28/12/2025 18:48

Is he cheating again?

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 18:49

Please find someone who treats you nicely and not as a convenient side piece.

Catza · 28/12/2025 18:49

Yeah, no. My ex partner also had "low sex drive". Didn't stop him cheating on me for the four years we were together (only came to light after we split, though. No way I would carry on seeing him otherwise).

TidyCyan · 28/12/2025 18:50

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 18:49

Please find someone who treats you nicely and not as a convenient side piece.

Agreed. If he can cheat on you he doesn't have a general low sex drive.

greenwithglee · 28/12/2025 18:50

Even if he doesnt want to DTD that doesnt mean he cant see you? The fact he only wants to see you a couple of times a month looks to me like a slow fade- he wants to break up but doesnt have the balls to do it so is waiting for you to pull the plug.

For your on sanity call it a day- you deserve better

IWantToSneeze · 28/12/2025 18:51

YABVU to stay with this loser, who doesn't even seem to care for you much.

What are you getting from this "relationship"? Apart from cheated on?

3luckystars · 28/12/2025 18:51

This is a red flag. Get rid of him.

Skippydoodle · 28/12/2025 18:52

ngonizashe · 28/12/2025 18:44

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5 years. We don’t live together, we are about 40 mins drive from each other. In the beginning we used to DTD every time we saw each other which was a couple of times a week. He now says he has a low s*x drive and we only see each other at weekends for two nights. He has even started complaining that this is too much and wants to see me less. Like 2 or 3 weekends a month which doesn’t seem enough to me. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but now I have to practically beg for intimacy including kisses or cuddles and every time I suggest DTD he rolls his eyes and huffs and puffs, sometimes he eventually relents (most of the time he pushes me / my hand away) nowadays we DTD once a week at best. He claims he’s got a low drive and almost implies there’s something wrong with me, but I’d be happy with twice a week. He does put a lot of pressure on himself to perform and is apparently terrified of erectile dysfunction but we’ve never had that issue. He cheated on me a year ago and I can’t help feeling pretty rubbish about myself :( he also hates phone calls and has a go at me if I ring him 9 times out of 10. He says it’s because he’s autistic, but I’m autistic too and find it quite cruel.

I’m sorry, he’s not into you. Go soon.

DaisyChain505 · 28/12/2025 18:57

So he tells you he wants to see less of you.

Tuts and rebuffs every act of intimacy from you.

He tells you off for wanting to communicate with him on the phone.

Hes cheated on you.

What exactly is good about this relationship @ngonizashe

Dump this loser and raise your bar. There is nothing here to stay for and you should want more for yourself.

Tighteningmybelt · 28/12/2025 18:59

Dump him asap.

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