Christmas Arrangement

[Walksey]

I am remarried, been together 25 years. I have 2 adult children with 2 young grandchildren. I am their only living grand parent. I have ALWAYS spent Xmas with my daughter and my grandchildren. My husband has been happy to join me.This year he said I should go to his family. We always see them on Boxing day.
I went to my daughter's and he went to his son's.
AIBU?

Maybe dh, for once, would like to spend Christmas Day with his son. He’s not wrong in wanting to do this. He’s supported you in visiting your child all these years, and was just asking for the same support in response. To use a cliche, Christmas isn’t just for (grand) children.

He just said that what I was doing was 'wrong'.
I have never asked him to come to my family rather than his. He is always just invited.He has just decided to go to his family this year and expected me to go with him. I ALWAYS see my family. It's the one day a year that is non-negotiable. Is that so wrong?

No, it isn't. Especially if he made no argument why you "should" be there with him.

It’s not wrong for you to want to spend the day with your family, but it’s also not wrong for him to want to spend the day with his.

Why is it non-negotiable? Why can’t you change to Boxing Day? Or do half and half? Most families compromise at some point.

Are your grandchildren still children? As you've mentioned his are adults. But then if he's spent all of the last 25 years doing what you want, has he missed all of his grandchildren's childhood Christmases because he's been with your family instead? I think most people want to spend the day with their partner and compromise as to either taking turns by year or splitting the day. Sad for his children and grandchildren.

Depends. Did he give you advance notice? Did he say why he’d like a change this year? Also, he’s your husband of 25 years. You saying that one day is non-negotiable comes across as you being extremely stubborn without much context.

Your daughter and grandchildren come first. See your husband’s family on Boxing Day next year.

All his grandchildren are adults, but your children were adults before your "young grandchildren" were born. Did he not see his grandchildren ay Christmas when they were young?

Thank you for all your comments.They have confirmed that it's a difficult situation.
My husband has not seen his family on Christmas day for many years.His ex wife has always gone there, as she is single and has no other family. So the grandchildren have seen their grandma. We have always seen them on Boxing day.
My only grandchildren have lost 3 grandparents. I have always spent Christmas day with my daughter/son. I was a sngle parent for many years. I go with my husband to visit his family on Boxing day or they all come to us.
This year my husband said he wanted me to go to his family on Christmas day. My son is away. I said that I wanted to go to my daughter's as usual and he said I was wrong. Both families came to us on Boxing day. don't see a problem...but obviously he does.His family are happy with the usual arrangements.
Thank you for your comments.

I sense the same situation will arise next year.

How old are you gc now? I wonder if your dh feel they are old enough to understand that their grandparents can be elsewhere on Christmas Day now.

How recently did dh say he was going to his do sons? Was it last minute or in plenty of time? Maybe he’s always wanted to spend Christmas with his family but has kept the peace and hone along with the usual plans.

Next year, a much earlier discussion needs to be had, plus some compromise? However, I sense this won’t happen Alternate years?

I think it's fair to alternate.

One person having a "non negotiable" attitude about this with no compromise when there are two families involved isn't fair or reasonable.

I'd be really upset if I was your DH.

Both of you sound like intransigent poor communicators.

His communication is worse - he obviously has deeper reasons for wanting you to join him at his family for once, maybe because it's taken him 25 years to speak up about what he would prefer - but just saying you're "wrong" is unhelpful to say the least.

And you are definitely very intransigent and rigid. It would be normal in a long-term relationship to at least be open to alternating families at Xmas.

And he did. But is putting the OP in thevwrong for makingnher own choice, and notbtell8ngnher why he considers she shouldvaccompany him.

Has he always spent it with you and your dc or have you done it separately before?

I think it’s odd to not alternate.