I stopped all contact with my brother about 18 months ago. He is an alcoholic and I suspect has narcissistic personality disorder. He is extremely difficult to be around. He lives in UK and we are in Ireland so no having contact was more manageable. When he would visit our parents, I just stayed away, it caused some difficulty as my family thought I was being too harsh.
Unfortunately our dad died last month. Brother was over for the funeral and I tried to be civil with him for my dad's sake. Brother said he would like us to have a relationship again, I said I was not in a place at the moment to think about it but we could speak in the new year. I was clear that we had a lot of issues to sort out and it wouldnt be a case of sweeping it all under the carpet and moving on.
Brother said he understood, gave it all the sad face, saying all the right things, etc and I let it go because I was just too upset over losing dad.
The next day the texts started and within a week he was calling me.
I texted him to say he was putting pressure on me, that we had agreed no calls for about 6 weeks and he needed to back off. He apologized but the following week was doing the same thing. In the last 5 weeks, I have had about 8/9 messages and 6/7 missed calls. He is pushing me to call him.
The reality is that I cant have a relationship with him He only thinks of himself, he calls my sister twice a week to moan about how hard he has things, how much he misses our dad (he only visited him once a year, spoke to him maybe once a week whereas my sister was practically my dad's carer) but he never asks how she is.
He is incredibly selfish, he only wants to call me so he can talk about how hard his life is. Even in his texts to me pushing me to call him, he says its so he can "hear a friendly voice" - its always about what he wants, it would never enter his head to consider what I might want. He is all about the emotional manipulation.
I am in no place to revisit the hurt over the years, he doesnt see he has a problem and to be honest I have no desire to have a relationship with him as it will always be on his terms.
On the other hand, I dont want to actively fall out with him again. I would be grateful for advice on what I can text him to get this message across. It think to be honest I will end up blocking him again as he never accepts my boundaries.