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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull out of NYE with no excuse?

26 replies

Hopthegoodgod · 28/12/2025 08:54

We have long standing close friends who have invited us to NYE. Both of them are addicts and we and others have supported them and their children for many years.Their friends have all disappeared now and we find ourselves the only people who see them. They don't go out. However their adult children are keen for us to keep in touch. They asked us over on NYE but I have turned it down. The husband is now sending me messages saying we've let their daughter down as she was relying on us to go as she is very close to us and sees us as great support. The thought of sitting in a miserable house with no one else there to see in the New Year fills me with dread. But I feel bad for their daughter ( my goddaughter). I have arranged various trips for their daughter this week shopping etc AIBU? I haven't responded to the husband many messages yet.

OP posts:
NigelForage · 28/12/2025 08:56

Why don't their adult children go for New Year's Eve?
when you say addict, what do you mean? Crack cocaine.

pilates · 28/12/2025 09:00

Don’t be pressurised to change your mind- stick to your guns. Just say sorry you are feeling exhausted from Christmas and would prefer to stay at home.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/12/2025 09:02

You haven’t pulled out, you just haven’t accepted. Perhaps he should take some responsibility for why you don’t want to go.

starlightescape · 28/12/2025 09:06

You haven't pulled out- you never agreed to go in the first place so that's wrong.

Secondly, what kind of addicts- will they be trashed out of their minds or doing drugs on this special evening? if so, don't be so silly, of course you can say no. No-one would enjoy that.

RunningJo · 28/12/2025 09:06

So the daughter expects you to go over so she can have NYE guilt free?. Doesn’t matter that you may have other plans, or just don’t want to.

Stick to your guns. If the daughter is so upset that they’ll be on their own, she could arrange something with them

MrsWhites · 28/12/2025 09:08

If the husband cares so much about his daughters feelings he needs to deal with his addiction not guilt you into supporting her for him!

Coffeeishot · 28/12/2025 09:09

His daughter could go on NYE you don't really owe her anything What addiction do they have was it something all the friends did together and you all grew out of it is that why the others disappeared ? Your friends sound needy but you really don't have to go.

Bitzee · 28/12/2025 09:09

I’m confused. How would you be pulling out? It sounds like you’ve just declined the invitation which is totally different. Also, if the daughter is an adult and you’re keen to maintain the relationship then why can’t you do so separately and why the need to spend NYE with her parents?

Teeheehee1579 · 28/12/2025 09:10

This is ridiculous and if I was you I would be very cross about the whole thing. I would send one more message saying that you do not wish to go out on NYE, that you do not want a fall out with them but if they do not respect your wishes then that is what is going to happen. I would also send one to the daughter to say the same and that you feel you have provided an immense amount of support over the years but will not be bullied into going by her father and that you are sure she understands. It isn’t clear whether she is going to be there or not but either way it is not your problem.

LightYearsAgo · 28/12/2025 09:10

How old is the daughter and why isn't she there?

Walkerzoo · 28/12/2025 09:13

No way. Hold firm. Maybe message the daughter to say you won't be going and checking in with her on a general note.

daisychain01 · 28/12/2025 09:14

You haven't explained what their addiction is. Quite frankly why are you still friends with people who are addicts when all their friends have sensibly walked away. Why have people like that in your life, you'd have to ask yourself.

and it was an invitation not a summons, so you don't need permission to not go.

now if you come back and say they're addicted to salted caramel, that's a different story,

LoudSnoringDog · 28/12/2025 09:16

Guilt trip. Ignore these people and make your own plans. If the daughter is so sad about them being alone, she can visit them herself.
Are they drug addicts?

ComedyGuns · 28/12/2025 09:18

I can see why you don’t want to go, so you’re definitely not BU. I feel so sorry for the DD though - just let her know that you’re there for her and keep in touch. Your post made me cry actually.

NigelForage · 28/12/2025 09:36

And the OP has gone

moose62 · 28/12/2025 09:45

He probably doesn't want to be on NYE without company so want to blackmail you into it. Just say not this year!

meowmeows · 28/12/2025 09:45

You are being really vague here about what their addiction actually involves- bit of a difference between them being gambling addicts for example, and them wanting to shoot up smack in front of you on NYE.

What are they addicted to and how does it manifest?

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/12/2025 09:48

I’m guessing alcohol? Either way, why do they need someone with them? Just say no, other plans.

RawBloomers · 28/12/2025 09:52

I think being blunt with the husband may be necessary. Something along the lines of - sorry your DD was relying on something I hadn’t agreed to. To be honest the idea of my NYE being dictated by someone else’s desire for support is unappealing. Have you considered it’s really your place to be the support she needs?/Perhaps she should be looking to arrange a NYE for herself where she does not need support?

But in any case - look after yourself first. Addicts are primed to take everything they can and it doesn’t improve their lives. Help the DD stand firm the rest of the year, but let your celebrations be celebrations and take whatever times or dates for yourself that you want.

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 09:54

NigelForage · 28/12/2025 09:36

And the OP has gone

Calm down, she posted this less than an hour ago 😂

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 09:55

You haven't "pulled out" of anything. You turned down an invitation which you are entitled to do.
It sounds like they put a lot of responsibility on you for the daughter.

Why don't you invite her to yours for the evening? or take her down the pub?

Aplstrudl · 28/12/2025 09:57

Invite the dd over or see her another day. If she’s an adult she should be able to get over it. The dad is a manipulative shitbag.

MikeRafone · 28/12/2025 09:58

turning down an invitation and then being emotionally blackmailed due to this is not acceptable behaviour. You cab't force someone to accept an invite for an evening, life doesn't work in that way and nor should it

BlackCat14 · 28/12/2025 10:10

When you turned it down, what reason did you give? Hopefully you told them you already have plans with others/have tickets to an event. That way they can’t talk you round/keep pestering. But if you just said no, you don’t fancy it, it’s a bit harder. Even though it’s true! Stick to your guns.
Also out of interest, what are they addicted to?

grinchmcgrinchface · 28/12/2025 10:11

Problem with addicts is that they are selfish. I would just ignore the guilt trip completely.