To want to leave the In-laws apartment?

[mcrlover]

We are at my boyfriend's in-laws abroad, with our 6 mo daughter - have been here for a week already. I really want my own autonomy. The plan was to stay here for a week, then go to my brother-in-law's free apartment for a week from tomorrow since they will go on holiday.

My MIL was offended we didn't want to stay at their apartment for the whole 2 weeks. Now my partner has changed his mind saying he wants us to stay here the whole 2 weeks.

I miss my autonomy - I've caught a winter flu and still am doing most of the childcare, exhausted, and am desperate for my own space. Feeling quite miserable generally being here and tried to talk with my partner when he came to bed (I'd spent all day in bed looking after baby while recovering). He said I'm being ungrateful because his parents made me soup/bought herbal tea and paracetamol for me. I am grateful, but I hate feeling like a guest, no choice over what dinner to eat, when to do laundry, having to tiptoe around their sensitive feelings. And feeling lonely as my partner reverts to child-like behaviour around his parents and I feel I'm taking the baby care slack even more than usual.

AIBU thinking to put my foot down about moving to the spare apartment? Part of me can't face the drama I know it'll lead to

Also I forgot to add that the in-laws are quite difficult. They get very easily offended so I feel I need to tiptoe around their feelings.

MIL went into our room and searched through all my stuff while we were out visiting a friend (I know cos I caught her once before and this time I came back and all my stuff was in a slightly different place).

I would put my foot down. I really would not be happy if someone went through my stuff. And being around other people, always "on", not able to fully relax, is draining. I would speak to OH and say you're tired, you've been ill and you want to stick to the original plan. To the PIL, just insist you absolutely cannot impose on their kindness any more. It's been lovely but they need a rest.

Frankly, whatever happens now, would never stay wth them again. Going through your stuff is outrageous.

I'd be telling him that if you dont move to BIL's you'll be changing yours and baby's flights and going home. And I'd mean it.

And there is no way in hell I would ever again stay with someone who goes through my stuff.

If there was pushback from him on either of things I'd be out of the relationship to be honest.

I completely understand OP. I have been in similar situations when my DD was a baby. You need to feel comfortable and at ease when you are looking after your baby and especially when not feeling well.
I would advise you to leave but I fully understand you wanting to avoid the drama if you did. Try to talk to your boyfriend again, tell him you need a quiet space to rest and look after your baby. You can visit his parents if needed. Protect your peace and your baby's. It is completely unacceptable for anyone to go through your things, this is appalling behaviour.

I did that. Went to England for Christmas and, of course, we all got sick. After week 3, when Christmas was over, I booked 3 nights in a hotel just off the M25. Nothing fancy but staffed with nice people and we could just reset as our little family. Best thing ever.

And that was staying with the kindest, most loving MIL one could ever find.

I'd definitely refuse to visit them ever again and I'd be re-considering the relationship with your partner. He sounds selfish and uncaring and an immature mummy's boy.

He's left all the childcare up to you even though you are ill. His mum's behaviour such as going through your belongings is totally unacceptable.

I'd have left when she went through my belongings. That's completely unacceptable.

Tell him you're moving tomorrow and he can either move with you and actually look after his child or he can stay with mummy permanently.

Two Options ..
ONE . Insist that you, alone, stay at the other appartment due to your illness. You need to recover.
Leave your DP and his family to look after the baby.
Ask DP and baby to spend each night with you over there.

If your DP can not facilitate your plan then do not visit again. He can not be trusted to keep his word.

TWO. You all stay and grin and bear it.

Rememeber for next time that your DP can not be trusted to keep his word and it is better not to go.

It sounds like he intended to do the two weeks at his mums and got you to agree with the offer of the free appartment. Why does he get to dictate what you do? I’d say I’m getting an early flight home then. Would he do two weeks at your mums?

Agree with this.
Why on earth has your 'partner' left all the childcare to you when you're sick? That's unacceptable. definitely go to the other apartment even if there's a fall out

Sounds awful. I hate staying at other people’s homes. Four nights is alwaYs the absolute maximum