Fine line… | Mumsnet

OnTheVeryEDGE · 2025-12-28T00:04:33+00:00

AIBU my sister and I are very close and we often joke that my daughter is our third sibling. My sister has no children of her own. tonight my sister has started a joke with my daughter but at my expense. It was taking unflattering photos of me, zooming in on my face and sending to me. My daughter would never do this of her own accord and I feel really upset! I can’t quite pinpoint what has triggered me so much with it, but I’m trying to work it out. i said to my sister I didn’t like this and she’s gone on to say I’ve made my daughter feel awful and that it’s just a joke… I asked for some space to try and shake it off… but my sister then went to leave the family gathering without saying goodbye to me, and was crying when she was leaving. I tried to hug her but she said I’d made the last half hour unbearable and that ‘everyone’ thought I’d overreacted. i can’t help but feel upset ? Aibu!

JoyfulSpring · 28/12/2025 00:08

Have you minimised how you reacted or did you really just say I don't like that?
It's not a nice thing to do but someone has overreacted here (either you or your sister) and feels like you've left some bits out of the story.

Makemeanonymous · 28/12/2025 00:13

If you and your sister are very close it seems strange that she instigated unpleasant behaviour towards you in the way she did. If you told her she was upsetting you the normal reaction would have been to stop what was happening and apologise to you. But instead she blamed you for being upset when she and your DD were being unpleasant to you.
I would wonder what prompted her unpleasant behaviour towards you.

WilfredsPies · 28/12/2025 00:25

I’d say it’s probably because it smacks of two sisters ganging up on a third, rather than a mum and an aunt setting a positive example for a daughter/niece to follow, and she’s then gone on to blame you for making your DD feel awful and ruining the last 30 minutes of the evening. If she’d held her hands up and said ‘I’m sorry, we were just being silly, there was no malice intended’, then it probably would have been smoothed over much earlier.

Gymnopedie · 28/12/2025 00:32

WilfredsPies · 28/12/2025 00:25

I’d say it’s probably because it smacks of two sisters ganging up on a third, rather than a mum and an aunt setting a positive example for a daughter/niece to follow, and she’s then gone on to blame you for making your DD feel awful and ruining the last 30 minutes of the evening. If she’d held her hands up and said ‘I’m sorry, we were just being silly, there was no malice intended’, then it probably would have been smoothed over much earlier.

Agre. She was trying to make you the third wheel, so as to make herself look more important. By apparently getting your daughter on her side, 'look, your DD prefers me, she's happy to make you feel inferior' sort of crap.

However much you talk about three sisters, she's jealous that you have a daughter and she doesn't. That's why she's gone off crying because you didn't let her 'win'.

Busybeemumm · 28/12/2025 00:57

my daughter is our third sibling

This is the issue. There needs to be clearer boundaries between mother/daughter and aunt/niece. In that moment you were all behaving like equals and you felt made fun of and disrespected.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 28/12/2025 01:37

Presumably this is an adult daughter?

QuayshhLawrain · 28/12/2025 02:13

YANBU. My own DSis is child-free by choice, but takes every opportunity she can to insist that my 17 year old DD is a "mini DSis". She's really not. DSis tries to pair up with DD to "tease" me, in a similar fashion to what you've posted @OnTheVeryEDGE, but I have had many conversations with DD about the delicacies of our sibling relationship, so she knows it easiest to play along, rather than rock the boat with my volatile DSis. We have a giggle about it together once DSis is gone, which helps a lot, knowing that although DSis thinks DD is "on her team", the reality is she's my daughter, and DSis can't make her turn on me, however much she "plays" at trying.

Depending on how old your DD is, would having a chat with her about how this is making you feel help, do you think?

Original poster

OnTheVeryEDGE · 28/12/2025 08:30

JoyfulSpring · 28/12/2025 00:08

Have you minimised how you reacted or did you really just say I don't like that?
It's not a nice thing to do but someone has overreacted here (either you or your sister) and feels like you've left some bits out of the story.

No I don’t think I’ve minimised it tbh.
only extra detail is it was a family party with lots of people, so I didn’t behave the way I would usually - I tried to walk away from it and ‘get over’ how I was feeling rather than having the conversation straight away.
Sister had been calling me over multiple times to show photos of me they’d been taking. Phoning people in the kitchen to get me to go over.

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Original poster

OnTheVeryEDGE · 28/12/2025 08:34

WilfredsPies · 28/12/2025 00:25

I’d say it’s probably because it smacks of two sisters ganging up on a third, rather than a mum and an aunt setting a positive example for a daughter/niece to follow, and she’s then gone on to blame you for making your DD feel awful and ruining the last 30 minutes of the evening. If she’d held her hands up and said ‘I’m sorry, we were just being silly, there was no malice intended’, then it probably would have been smoothed over much earlier.

Yes, now I’ve had time to think, this is what it felt like. It’s not a nice feeling and one I’ve not experienced before.

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Original poster

OnTheVeryEDGE · 28/12/2025 08:36

Busybeemumm · 28/12/2025 00:57

my daughter is our third sibling

This is the issue. There needs to be clearer boundaries between mother/daughter and aunt/niece. In that moment you were all behaving like equals and you felt made fun of and disrespected.

Yes I totally agree. Up until this point it’s felt very sweet but I’ve learned my lesson and the boundary has been firmly set now.

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Original poster

OnTheVeryEDGE · 28/12/2025 08:41

QuayshhLawrain · 28/12/2025 02:13

YANBU. My own DSis is child-free by choice, but takes every opportunity she can to insist that my 17 year old DD is a "mini DSis". She's really not. DSis tries to pair up with DD to "tease" me, in a similar fashion to what you've posted @OnTheVeryEDGE, but I have had many conversations with DD about the delicacies of our sibling relationship, so she knows it easiest to play along, rather than rock the boat with my volatile DSis. We have a giggle about it together once DSis is gone, which helps a lot, knowing that although DSis thinks DD is "on her team", the reality is she's my daughter, and DSis can't make her turn on me, however much she "plays" at trying.

Depending on how old your DD is, would having a chat with her about how this is making you feel help, do you think?

Thank you - this feels familiar!
my daughter is younger but I do plan to have a conversation with her today about it. She has said she is sorry for her part, which I appreciate, as at 13 she should know better.

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LightYearsAgo · 28/12/2025 08:47

Regardless of the relationships involved taking unflattering photos and laughing about them is nasty behaviour. I'd be very wary around the sister from now, she may have shown you her true colours