To think 8 is too young for a PS5?

[rosemama94]

My eldest DS turns 8 next month. Split with dad who he sees every other weekend. Very different parenting styles. We allow screen time in our house, but in short bursts throughout the day when I need to get myself ready/cook whilst my other LO’s need to be pre occupied too. We have weekly family movie nights. DS8 has an iPad, but I very recently deleted YouTube and roblox, as I noticed a change in his behaviour and also limit what games he downloads. To be honest since I stopped him having those two apps he’s barely used it, which says a lot. He also has a switch, which he now 9 times out of 10 wants to go on when he is allowed screen time. He plays Minecraft and fifa but I would never allow Fortnite or any violent games. So for context, I feel in our household we have a healthy relationship with screens and I am conscious of what my children watch and how it affects them.

However, DS’s dad clearly does not share the same values. It has been an issue for a few years now, I have mentioned to him a handful of times I don’t agree with what he allows him to play whilst he is with him but it seems to fall on deaf ears. He has an older step brother there who is only 10, and he plays Fortnite and has a PlayStation in his room which he has played for years. It seems they are allowed unlimited screen time and often have ‘chill days’ where they play these games all day. For Christmas, DS come home and said he got a PS5. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. This PlayStation will also be going into his bedroom. So he won’t even be playing alongside his step brother, but in entirely different rooms!

I’m really cross and upset by it, and want to speak to his dad more seriously about it. The thing is I can’t control what happens when he is at his dads, I can only control what happens when he is home with us so I usually just let things go a lot to save myself a lot of stress. But I do feel very strongly about this now, especially knowing this device will be going into his bedroom.

For context, we split when DS was a baby due to him being abusive so another reason I grey rock him and don’t bring up issues because he loves drama and will get a kick out of knowing this has annoyed me.

Depends on the games

Definitely too young for more than a little bit at the weekends. They get hooked easily, lose the ability to use their imagination, and get irritable and stressed. They need to play with friends, play football, throwing games, colour, play with toys, read, bake with you etc etc etc . Unfortunately you’re going to have to double up on the parenting to make up for his free fall parenting:(

What is the actual issue - the PS5 itself, the games or the fact it’s going in his room? How often is he at his dad’s?

It’s all of it. The fact the children have personal PS5’s in their bedrooms, are allowed to play violent games like Fortnite, are allowed unlimited screen time with no restrictions or no adult supervision and that I think he’s too young to have one himself. My husband had a PS4 that he had before we ever moved in and that lives in our living room, they very rarely play fifa on that together.

Forgot to add - he’s there every other weekend Friday-Sunday. Also one evening a week for a few hours.

IMO he's not too young but he needs to not have access to certain games

I’m not sure there is much you can do if you can’t make his dad see reason. Infuriating as it is.

I guess you need to try to teach your son to self regulate (and good luck with that 😕)

At least he isn’t there very often. Your values and rules will still be the dominant ones in his life, if that makes sense.

Allowing kids to play on games like that is a safeguarding issue but in reality no one would ever do anything about it.

Having it in his room is really sad. But again not sure what you can do. Except carry on as you are at home and show him what fun can be had off a screen. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Time limits …

Too young, but then I refuse to buy one of those things at any age.

My son is 7 he has a ps5. I don't have an issue with it, it's in the living room not bedroom, he has time limits and he plays with his cousin online. He's communicating and problem solving whilst playing. I remember playing computer games back in the day we all had them it's no different today. Fortnight is a shooting game but it's not graphic, I think you are being dramatic to be honest. He's at his dad's so you can't control what he does there, he's not there that often either so I really wouldn't get worked up about it. I'm sure there are things his dad doesn't agree about your parenting.

There are really good parental controls and screen time limits on PS5. Instead of being anti the PS5 I would focus on trying to reach agreement about what these will be set at.

I think Roblox and YouTube are far worse than a PS5...

I wouldn’t allow it in my house but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it at his dad’s house. He has two parents and they are allowed to make different decisions about their own house rules.

If he has a Switch then I don’t see why a PS5 would be any different.

They’re also incredibly cheap now since Black Friday so it might be worth getting one ready for the next few years.

OP Fortnite really is not as bad as you think I imagine as you talk about it being violent and it really isn’t! I wouldn’t allow my children to play it either when all their friends were.. then I really looked into it and I was shocked that I actually thought it was completely fine. They’ve been playing it years and they play with friends. Your son and his step brother will probably play together using their headsets. My boys do this and have a great time. I have the youngest downstairs with me though.

I don’t think it’s worth the argument tbh as he can do what he likes at his house (obviously within reason) pick your battles. 💕

Agree - Fortnite isn’t really that bad. I wouldn’t like it being in the bedroom either but he’s not there all the time and it’s not like he has a smart phone in there and access to the internet at large. I think it’s great you care but honestly
op I wouldn’t pick a fight on this and I say that as someone who is very anti smart phone/social media etc for kids etc

Thankyou for your replies. I’m aware Fortnite isn’t gory, however for me it’s still a shooting game and has an age rating for a reason. I saw firsthand the effects of youtube and roblox on DS and feel I did the right thing taking it away as I noticed a positive change in his behaviour. I don’t necessarily think he’s too young to play on one as stated he does play on one here occasionally, it’s just the fact it’s in his room there and to me that’s something for when he is much older/late teens. Why take his innocence away so young? He’s always been in a rush for him to grow up. I’m just aware his dad is very lapse on parental controls etc lets him do what he wants etc, and because I usually turn a blind eye to these things I just wondered if I should be making more of a big deal of this to him. I will be talking to his dad about it and hopefully put some sense in his head but I can’t see the conversation going well. Agreed he is here with us more and I know that will have a more lasting impact however having two very different households is very challenging, why should dad get all the fun and no rules?