My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. We live together, I thought we have both been happy this time. He’s always treated me amazingly and has always been lovely to me.
He is a builder and roofer and very good at his job. He has work booked up 6 months in advance from word of mouth is always very busy and works long hours.
I realised in September he was spending more time on his phone in the evenings and when I questioned it he got angry and tried to turn it round on me saying maybe I was speaking to someone else and that’s why I was questioning him, I hadn’t even thought he was cheating until he said that I just thought he was spending a lot of time on his phone. Wrongly I looked at his phone while he was in the shower and he had been messaging another woman, very flirty, very sexual stuff and very overly friendly. The woman was someone he had been doing work for on her house (she has a boyfriend!)
When I asked him he denied it at first but then said yes he had been messaging her a lot and they chat a lot when he’s working there (the boyfriend has been at work) but he absolutely promised me nothing had happened just flirty banter. After a week he then admitted he had actually kissed her too but nothing else, he swore on his kids lives (from previous relationship) nothing else happened. As far as I’m aware that’s it and he promises me that’s all that happened a kiss.
He told me he loves me, it was a stupid mistake, and he wants to be with me and he has told the woman he has a girlfriend he is happy with and nothing can happen with her (he showed me the messages saying this to her)
Im trying to get past this but I’m really struggling. It hits me like a tonne of bricks at some points. I can be out shopping and then just start crying 🙈 I’m not sure I’ve fully processed it all. I want to trust him but everything now feels different. I don’t want to chuck away what we have but maybe I’m holding on to what I thought we were rather than what it actually has been. I never ever wanted or looked at anyone else while we’ve been together. It saddens me I wasn’t enough.
He hasn’t finished the job there at her house, it was a big job and he had to wait for a delivery. So in January he is going back to finish this job there for her. It’s on my mind at all times….what if something happens with her while he’s there. I’ve spoken to him about it but he told me I really don’t have anything to worry about and to trust him. I am so anxious about it. I actually don’t know what to do. Would I be unreasonable to tell him not to finish the job? He hires other people that could finish it but he says because he started it he wants to finish it and see it through, he is a perfectionist which is why he’s so good at his job but Im uncomfortable with this!