Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband being sanctimonious d…

8 replies

Fuzzymuddle33 · 27/12/2025 20:12

It’s been a busy few days.

Today, DH and DS go out to watch football and I had booked panto with additional family members so they met us there.

I tidied, walked the dog, made pack up for the panto etc.

Im menopausal and struggling with memory.

his memory is bad and has been for a while so normally we ‘joke’ about brewing fog/forgetting etc.

we have just got home and it appears I forgot to lock the door. My bad.

no harm done and obviously a mistake. The door was closed and we live behind a fenced gate that you need an access code to in a small village.

we both leave the house unlocked in the day to walk the dog etc but I wouldn’t intentionally leave it unlocked for a longer period of time or with the dog home etc.

It’s an error.

oh my god, you would have thought I had scarified our first born child.

He has been so sanctimonious about it and it not being acceptable here. I’ve lost it, my bad again, and sworn and yelled at him.

Im hurt as I’ve rushed around sorting and doing and I’ve slipped up (no harm done and obviously my mistake re the door)

to make matters worse, our daughter, 18 has got involved telling me how bad it is to leave it unlocked and how I’ve over reacted by shouting etc. I’ve kept my calm with her but feel so upset and furious with him.

he has left the door open on numerous occasions and obviously I didn’t flippen mean to. It was just his over reaction and repeated criticism to it but now I’ve gone over board yelling and ruined a Christmas night.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 20:15

It sounds like you often make jokes about his memory and now he and your daughter have had a chance to turn the tables and they have. Which you responded to with shouting unnecessarily. I have all sympathy with menopausal brain fog, I have it too, but if I had been making jokes about somebody else with memory issues in the past then I think I would take my medicine in this case.

wizzywig · 27/12/2025 20:15

Suck it up knowing your husband will make a tit of himself soon enough.

Fuzzymuddle33 · 27/12/2025 20:20

I don’t mind jokes about it, honestly. We have had to make jokes as at times it’s been awful. GP ruled out anything more sinister.

This wasn’t banter or joking.

I looked for the joke but no it was him really ‘telling me off’/judging re the door.

to quote (before i lost it’ “you were reasonable for the house and it’s just not good enough”

really patronising

really unpleasant

OP posts:
FrightfulNightfull · 27/12/2025 20:56

Have you had a wine or two OP?
Fine if you have..
Its a storm in a teacup.. he’s being a dick but it’s not the end of the world either

Jellybean23 · 27/12/2025 21:17

Bide your time and he will make a mistake. Then you can repeat back to him 'you were responsible for the house/dog/car/whatever and it's just not good enough'.

Fuzzymuddle33 · 28/12/2025 15:22

Think I’d just become completely over whelmed.

no wine but also no Sertraline or HRT since Xmas Eve!!!

I went to bed early and slept 11 hours!!!

OP posts:
Whyarepeople · 28/12/2025 15:45

Could you have a calm talk to him about why you were so upset? Yelling and losing your cool was not good, but I can see why it happened - you made an honest mistake, you're aware it was a bit stupid, so he doesn't need to get all parental on you and tell you off. Could you both agree that given your age and general forgetfulness, you'll both give each other a bit of leeway and agree not to get all wound up about mistakes?

DH and I have a conscious policy of not berating each other for genuine slips - even when I destroyed the side of the car with careless parking, DH said nothing. He knows I wouldn't do it on purpose, he's not my boss or my dad so he does not need to scold me. Equally I don't berate him for the things he gets wrong.

parakeet · 28/12/2025 15:52

I find it very odd and risky that either of you think it's fine to leave it unlocked in the day while out walking the dog. According to a quick google, burglaries are more likely to happen in the day than in the evening, because people are out more in the day. Maybe take this opportunity to review your security arrangements? Then apologise for shouting, admit you made a mistake and move on.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page