I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel completely exhausted and don’t trust my own judgment anymore.
From the very start of our marriage, my husband has repeatedly hidden things from me. This includes receiving nude photos from a so-called “gay best friend” and taking out loans without telling me.
For context: we moved into our house while I was a student. The house is only in his name because at the time we didn’t see the need to add me, and we were told it could involve fees and potentially affect our rates. I still pay my share.
Over the years I’ve discovered:
- He didn’t pay the mortgage while he was between jobs, despite me earning a good wage and paying my half into the joint account (I could have covered it if I’d known).
- Factor fees were missed because he changed providers and never set up a direct debit.
- Council tax payments were missed and it’s now been escalated to a sheriff clerk due to non-payment.
Throughout all of this, I repeatedly asked if everything was okay financially. He lied to my face and told me I had nothing to worry about. At the same time, he was talking about booking family holidays and we recently bought a new car, with him putting down the deposit.
Everything came to a head on Christmas Day and I feel completely done. The repeated lying and gaslighting has triggered a lot of childhood trauma for me. I’m emotionally exhausted, my mental health is suffering, and it’s starting to affect my ability to be the mum I want to be.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way, or is this as serious as it feels?