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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I am packing for my death

38 replies

dodomin · 27/12/2025 17:45

38 weeks pregnant and can't put off packing my hospital bag any longer. It's my second pregnancy. I know I won't return home the same person. I have things like a suspected prolapse and pubic symphysis and pressure related incontinence. All which may or may not resolve/be exacerbated after birth. I know no matter how much one plans, you can't control or predict how birth goes. When I came home from having my first DC, I think I was in a state of shock, some of the birth injuries remain unresolvable nearly 3 years later. I know how everything in my house looked different, I felt different, I felt belonged to a lighter, different chapter of my life. And I'm scared it'll be the same again.

I feel like I want to cry. I don't even want it to be over because that means dealing with an injured body again with a newborn for goodness knows how long.

I don't know if it's much of an AIBU but I felt like I had to get it off my chest. I feel moments of complete overwhelm and wanting to cry. I'm in a happy marriage with a supportive DH. It was an unplanned pregnancy but ultimately we did both want another at some point but I never anticipated feeling this level of daunted before the final moments of baby arriving.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 27/12/2025 18:54

I felt this way every time too, it was terrifying. I never went for the c section but it does sound like it might be a good idea for you, and.the recovery might actually be easier than making your injury worse. Can you get some things like step stools and maybe a potty seat with step for the toilet to make caring for your toddler more manageable

Oioiqueen · 27/12/2025 18:58

With all due respect and kindness its down to your DH and your family to cope with DD after birth not you. If a cesarean is the safest option for you then go for it, everyone else will rally around you as long as you have a decent support network. Your job is to get in the routine of looking after a newborn not juggling the needs of both kids. If that means DD has a tough time adapting to daddy and a newborn then so be it. She'll soon come round and won't be scarred for life.

My thought process is that if your injuries are likely to be worsened by labour how much use will you actually be after the birth? Your recovery could possibly be even longer than the cesarean possibly? Also this would be worsened long term so trying to find a disabled loo with a toddler and a pram whilst dealing with urgent incontinence wouldn't be my idea of fun when I could have prevented the situation somewhat.

matercatta · 27/12/2025 19:00

Please talk to your caregivers/doctors about a planned c section (even if just to be fully informed, clearly your own decision to make). Agree with others who say it’s for those around you to support you with your
recovery. You should not have to worry for your future health and wellbeing like this.

NinaGeiger · 27/12/2025 19:00

Haven't read the whole thread so someone might've said similar but I know quite a few people who had a traumatic birth with their first and then found the second birth a really positive and healing experience

828Pax · 27/12/2025 19:02

@dodominI had a vaginal birth. I was terrified I really was but the midwives were so supportive and reassured me constantly.

Iamthemoom · 27/12/2025 19:46

Another vote for a C-section. Mine wasn’t planned and was emergency but I was out of hospital after 2 days and we popped into Sainsbury’s on the way home (which sounds insane now but I was walking, pain free and felt fine). Recovery was quick and easy. Maybe I was just lucky but it seems the logical choice for you and might help in terms of some of those issues at least.

raffegiraffe · 27/12/2025 19:55

Just have to echo what everyone has said about going for a c section. I had an emergency section with the first and elective with the second. Recovery was excellent with the second even with a toddler and I don't remember looking after him being a problem. I even went to the supermarket on about day 3 with the pram. I'm very happy I had my sections

OCDmama · 27/12/2025 20:15

My sympathy OP. I hope you can tell from the previous posters that you're not at all alone in feeling like this!

My first birth was awful - 5 days of inductions/interventions during COVID. My husband couldn't speak about it for a long time without crying, and there's bits I don't remember at all.

My second was so much better though. I had to be induced again but so much calmer and positive. I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd now, due April.

Consider the C-section, but weigh up the risks. I wouldn't worry too much about the recovery, friend/family who had it seemed to pick up very quickly. Think about what will bring you the most piece of mind, and offer you the most control. I think that's actually the scariest part of birth, the feeling like you've got no control over your body.

ARoomSomewhere · 27/12/2025 20:23

@HeartyBlueRobinthats really interesting! I had bad SPD 1st pg, (on crutches from 18 wks) Had to have a Csec as standing breech with cord around neck. 2nd time around I had to have a Csec as Transverse lie. On crutches for a Long time ...
OP, its a tricky one. The 2nd baby is less of a 'shock' than the 1st one but do get medical advice & line up as much help as possible.

justasking111 · 27/12/2025 20:23

My daughter coped with twin toddlers and a third baby delivered by caesarian. You'll need help for two weeks. Buy some baby reins for toddler so they can walk and are safer walking. Do online shopping and take it easy. Find another way with the loo. Step, seat insert

HeartyBlueRobin · 27/12/2025 20:30

ARoomSomewhere · 27/12/2025 20:23

@HeartyBlueRobinthats really interesting! I had bad SPD 1st pg, (on crutches from 18 wks) Had to have a Csec as standing breech with cord around neck. 2nd time around I had to have a Csec as Transverse lie. On crutches for a Long time ...
OP, its a tricky one. The 2nd baby is less of a 'shock' than the 1st one but do get medical advice & line up as much help as possible.

I was on crutches too from around 20 weeks and pretty much confined to the house for the rest of my pregnancy. I had my heart set on a C.section at 38 weeks after a junior doctor had suggested it. My Consultant said he'd do one if I wanted it as the "baby was cooked" but he wouldn't recommend it after seeing how long it had taken other women with SPD to recuperate. Obviously I've no idea which would have been better but the vaginal birth was quick.

Timetochillnow · 27/12/2025 21:06

Hi I’d also support a planned c/S, recovery is often much more straight forward than you’d imagine particularly compared to mums having laboured for extended hours and are exhausted before having an emergency section.
also you have a few days now to start preparing your daughter by getting her to use a step for the loo, and climbing into her car seat herself - make it a game or a challenge for her. My toddler was 30 months and would climb onto a chair or a couple of steps up the stairs for a hug with me so I didn’t have to lift him.
dont be scared of your incision either, stand up straight from the first time they get you up and you will avoid a lot of back ache

OhMaria2 · 29/12/2025 01:20

If you have a planned section and are nil by mouth the night before, DEMAND iv fluids if you have even one emergency go in ahead of you. I had a long delay and was incredibly dehydrated by the time I went in. It affects your blood pressure a lot and if you react to the anasthetic with a blood pressure drop aswell it is dangerous

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