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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it weird when men proudly say they travel constantly “because they don’t have a girlfriend?”

28 replies

TheTidyShark · 27/12/2025 15:21

A male colleague casually said he goes to Amsterdam seven times a year because he doesn’t have a girlfriend “tying him down.” It wasn’t a throwaway comment, he clearly meant it as a flex.

AIBU to find that a bit telling? Like… what exactly are you doing in Amsterdam that you think a partner wouldn’t approve of?
Why do some men frame being in a relationship as some kind of restrictive jail sentence that stops them from “living”?
Is it just immaturity or something else?

OP posts:
Justlostmybagel · 27/12/2025 15:24

Never heard any man say that. It sounds fair enough though. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship and that's fine.

BowlyLarr · 27/12/2025 15:25

Well I know what I’d be assuming he was doing in Amsterdam, and I’d be thinking a lot less of him as a result.

YellowCherry · 27/12/2025 15:26

Tbf I think that not wanting to commit / be tied down is a good reason for not wanting to be in a relationship. Much better than having a partner and still trying to act as if you're single, like some men do!

NoSoupForU · 27/12/2025 15:26

I've never heard anyone say that. But being in a relationship is restrictive as you can't (or shouldn't) live selfishly and doing something like going to Amsterdam 7 times a year would impact on your partner.

BillieWiper · 27/12/2025 15:28

I think it's just him. I've not heard that either. He probably desperately wished he had a girlfriend and is saying it to overcompensate. Or maybe he's really happy being single and thinks if he wasn't he wouldn't be able to travel as much?

He sounds a bit of a knob but I wouldn't assume all men say or think things like that.

Anywherebuthere · 27/12/2025 15:28

They're not wrong. When you're in a relationship you do have to think twice and consider the other person (and any kids) before you make plans. It can sometimes feel restrictive if you can't follow your plans as a single person would.

So it's not wrong as a single person to say it as it. It's good they recognise that and aren't jumping into relationships and behaving like they are single. And they should enjoy it while they can.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/12/2025 15:29

I've never heard anyone say that but, male or female, if you don't have anyone else you need to co-ordinate plans with you have more freedom to suit yourself.

HelenaWaiting · 27/12/2025 15:29

YABU for the use of "flex". Are you fourteen?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 15:30

The Amsterdam one is a bit grim. Like boasting that he’s buying sex?

Amsterdam aside, I do understand why single people do this. The default response to ‘I’m single’ is ‘oh, poor you’ so some people like to get straight in that it’s through choice before you get to the oh poor you bit.,

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/12/2025 15:30

I can’t see why it’s an issue. It’s “telling” you that he doesn’t want to think about somebody else’s finances, annual leave, travel plans, or their view of his chosen destination. And that’s perfectly okay, because he’s made a choice about not being in a relationship, which means he doesn’t have to.

Goodadvice1980 · 27/12/2025 15:30

Next time he says it I’d be tempted to comment, “Hope you’re not visiting exploited woman”. Enjoy the scenery …….

Festivwith · 27/12/2025 15:31

Yeah, can’t imagine many girlfriends would be cool with his prostitute habit.

Gross.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/12/2025 15:32

My initial reaction to that comment is that if your girlfriend doesn’t want you to travel you have the wrong girlfriend.

I would encourage my partner to travel, provided it wasn’t all the time and he wasn’t leaving me to handle small children all my own etc.

I think some blokes get a weird masochistic kick from being bullied and henpecked by their partners and feel that if they aren’t being told off all the time they aren’t getting their moneys worth. And some people of both sexes have a very dour outlook on relationships that involves being in all the time and doing very little because they have “settled down”.

EmeraldRoulette · 27/12/2025 15:33

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/12/2025 15:30

I can’t see why it’s an issue. It’s “telling” you that he doesn’t want to think about somebody else’s finances, annual leave, travel plans, or their view of his chosen destination. And that’s perfectly okay, because he’s made a choice about not being in a relationship, which means he doesn’t have to.

That's not what I get from it at all

He's going to Amsterdam every single time

He's basically saying "I can go abroad and pay for sex".

I can do all sorts of things because I'm single. That's not the point he's making.

Original poster
TheTidyShark · 27/12/2025 15:34

HelenaWaiting · 27/12/2025 15:29

YABU for the use of "flex". Are you fourteen?

It’s just shorthand, feel free to ignore the wording and engage with the actual point if you want to.

OP posts:
Xmasdemon · 27/12/2025 15:35

Some people just go to Amsterdam to take drugs and have a good time

Overalls · 27/12/2025 15:36

He must really like bulb fields.

GooseyGandalf · 27/12/2025 15:36

Grim.

Does he realise that being the sort of man who buys women is probably why no women wants to be his gf?

mindutopia · 27/12/2025 15:37

I’ve never heard any man say that, but I have a husband and young children and I still travel plenty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Overalls · 27/12/2025 15:45

It's a satin cape isn't it?

The odd thing for me is to have a wedding, in central Bath on a Saturday. Bath is heaving with crowds on Saturdays and this one after Christmas was always going to be chaos.

Original poster
TheTidyShark · 27/12/2025 15:48

Overalls · 27/12/2025 15:45

It's a satin cape isn't it?

The odd thing for me is to have a wedding, in central Bath on a Saturday. Bath is heaving with crowds on Saturdays and this one after Christmas was always going to be chaos.

Wrong thread.

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 27/12/2025 15:49

Women say this too!

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 15:52

mindutopia · 27/12/2025 15:37

I’ve never heard any man say that, but I have a husband and young children and I still travel plenty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited

Having been both in a marriage (which was the very relaxed and do what you like type) and been single, there is a different level of freedom that is difficult to explain. So for example if I wanted to go to Amsterdam alone in my marriage, I would have been ‘able’ to, but it would have involved discussion and thought. Single is simply ‘I fancy it, let’s book’ thought process finished. It’s totally different.

DisappointedD · 27/12/2025 15:54

I’d assume they meant that they didn’t have a partner to spend money on, birthdays, Christmases, nights / dinners out etc and that travel for one person is cheaper then a trip for two people.

ColdAsAWitches · 27/12/2025 15:55

I've only ever heard it said in relation to having more money, as people, not just men, don't have to spend their money on a partner. There's a woman at work who says this whenever she books another holiday.