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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel I am better off staying at home than going on holidays

16 replies

TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:04

I have young DC 4 & 1 and only started earning a good wage over the last 2 years. DH earns but is very conservative with his money and doesn't spends much on himself. He is self employed as well as sometimes he can be out of contract for months, so likes to save and put money in pension.

We both grew up poor, no holidays almost all of our adult lives. I always dreamt of going off on holidays to beautiful places and admiring natural beauty. For Christmas break, I booked trip to Canary Islands and had a fab time there but kids got some cold and little one had eczema flare up in the sun etc. Now, we have been back for a week and baby who's 14 months old has been diagnosed with ear infections and on antibiotics. Doctor thinks it's a mix of viral and air travel causing ear pressure leading to infection. I am feeling so guilty for her eczema and now this ear infection.
I feel so guilty that I was selfish to book this holiday with my little one and I overlooked her health over my pleasure. I feel like I want to stay home and not go on any holidays now until she's older like 5-6. Though I can't avoid all air travel because extended family lives overseas and we will have to go at least once every 2 years.

OP posts:
Mistletoeiggi · 27/12/2025 13:05

Kids can get colds wherever you are. You haven't done anything wrong

TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:06

Mistletoeiggi · 27/12/2025 13:05

Kids can get colds wherever you are. You haven't done anything wrong

Thank you so much, I am feeling very down at the moment and thanks for your kindness.

OP posts:
somanychristmaslights · 27/12/2025 13:06

That’s ridiculous. You weren’t to know what would happen, it’s just one of those things. They could have got it just being at home. You didn’t overlook her health conditions.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 27/12/2025 13:08

Your children could have caught illnesses home/school/nursery. Children get ill a lot as there immune systems strengthen, no matter where they are. Dont feel guilty for taking them on holiday.

Fidgety31 · 27/12/2025 13:08

Life is for living and creating memories . That’s my thoughts .
whereas some people prefer to stay at home and do nothing apart from work , eat , sleep- repeat .

It’s not for anyone else to tell you how to live your life . But kids are not little for long - and it can be nice to create good experiences with them .

TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:10

Fidgety31 · 27/12/2025 13:08

Life is for living and creating memories . That’s my thoughts .
whereas some people prefer to stay at home and do nothing apart from work , eat , sleep- repeat .

It’s not for anyone else to tell you how to live your life . But kids are not little for long - and it can be nice to create good experiences with them .

That's what I thought as well. My older one loved going to the sea and ferry ride etc. He felt so much more water confident as he's the one who's fearful of water. I thought it would benefit them but DH was making faces pretending that it was my fault for her illness and that we shouldn't go on holidays as he's so fucking tight.

OP posts:
TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:10

I am thinking of planning holidays when little one is 4 and leave the H behind.

OP posts:
likeafishneedsabike · 27/12/2025 13:11

Don’t feel guilty if you had a fab time. The kids’ health would have benefitted from all the sunshine vitamin D.
In my personal case we didn’t go abroad with the DC until they were in secondary school - we had an alternative home from home in the UK seaside which worked better for my anxious eldest child.
But if you enjoy it and can afford it, it’s fantastic for children to have these experiences. I was taken abroad as a young child and have wonderful memories.

TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:14

Though it's true that my elder had so many sickness days from his nursery over the last few years.

OP posts:
likeafishneedsabike · 27/12/2025 13:15

This sounds like more of a DH problem - giving you the blame for little one getting unwell as part of an agenda to avoid spending in future!

TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:18

likeafishneedsabike · 27/12/2025 13:15

This sounds like more of a DH problem - giving you the blame for little one getting unwell as part of an agenda to avoid spending in future!

I have been reading a book called "Die with Zero" and I was telling him how important it is to spend and make memories as he is in his 40s and if he stays so fkin tight he is going to have no memories to look back with DC. No highlights in life just same old mundane life.

OP posts:
TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:19

H is so stingy that he even avoids going to little things like Christmas market etc as he's worried to spend any money. I am the one who always spends on any experience, outing or holidays.

OP posts:
ILoveMyCaravan · 27/12/2025 13:20

We travelled every year long haul with our kids from 6 months old, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. They both love travelling and exploring the world now. Those memories and experiences are priceless

CluelessAboutBiology · 27/12/2025 13:38

TheChirpyRaven · 27/12/2025 13:10

I am thinking of planning holidays when little one is 4 and leave the H behind.

Remember you have the option of leaving the H behind permanently if he is not adding anything to your life.

Mistletoeiggi · 27/12/2025 14:21

CluelessAboutBiology · 27/12/2025 13:38

Remember you have the option of leaving the H behind permanently if he is not adding anything to your life.

I would agree with this!

Zapx · 27/12/2025 15:18

I have gone absolutely nowhere and my 7yo got flu and had a temp of 39.8 on Christmas Day and we got sent to A&E on Boxing Day as she couldn’t stay awake. She’s now given it to me, my DH, and my 2yo as well!

In short, I’d say go for it and have a fab time 😁

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