Thanks but no thanks

[TrashyTash]

For Christmas I bought nieces and nephews small gifts and gave them money. I don't have a lot of money and had to save to be able to afford this, going without things in order to save enough. I don't receive Christmas presents from them and nor do I expect them. But here we are two days later and I haven't even had a thank you. I feel hurt and left wondering if this is the "done thing" nowadays?

Did they not say thank you when you handed it to them? I'd stop giving if they don't give to you and they aren't greatful.

If they said thank you when you gave the gifts why isn't that enough?

thats just rude @TrashyTash

Assuming you weren't with them, 2 days is quite a short amount of time, so it might come (does it usually?)

Not that you're asking but I really don't think you should be going without to give nieces and nephews presents - just give them some token chocolate or something.

Did you post the gifts OP? If so, I expect you will get a text to say thanks soon. If you gave it to them in person, did they say thanks then? I wouldn't expect people to say thanks again to be honest.

I really don't think you should go without in order to give children money that they don't need, when you need it yourself.

From now on, please don't do that. Nobody expects or wants anybody to do that.

Write them a little card with a personal message. That is something they will remember.

I think that if you don't have a lot of money, and had to save and go without things, then probably you shouldn't be giving as much as you do. And also, it will sting that much more when people don't seem grateful or just take it for granted. You sound like a lovely person, OP, but don't be too self-sacrificing.

They'll say dont expect a thank you because it was your choice. But personally i think it's rude. I find these days that lots of things that used to seem polite , kind and the norm are now considered unnecessary. We seem to live in a highly individualised society where looking after number one and telling everybody else to sling their hook is the done thing. I don t get it.

If you gave it to them face to face, and they said a genuine verbal thank you then, that is enough. Older generations still often expect a card in addition, but this tradition is not common any longer. What matter is the acknowledgement of the gift one way or the other.

If they haven't seen you to say thank you, it's right to expect an acknowledgement, but one day after Chistmas, especially if they've been busy, going to different places, getting presents from different people, is a bit unfair. I actually would say up to early January is acceptable, depending on the situation.

I think up to the start of term is acceptable. (Especially if they then write letters or decent emails).

I don’t know about anyone else, but I always message friends after I (or my kids) have opened it to say we love it etc and thanks again. When I was a child we always had to phone the person who gave the gift to say thank you. I do think it’s good manners to message and say thanks, I mean it takes less than 30 seconds. With my eldest we sent thank you letters, but later moved to texts. Guess not everyone does this, but personally all my friends do the same.

So stop giving the presents.
Some people don’t like feeling obliged to say thank you when they didn’t want the gift in the first place.

Yanbu to expect a thank you but yabu to be complaining on the 27th. I always do handwritten thank you notes and get the DC to as well. So long as they've said thank you by 12th night/start of term it's fine.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I always message friends after I (or my kids) have opened it to say we love it etc and thanks again
This to me comes across as 'let's get over the chore of thanking people as quickly as possible and get over it'.

I much rather someone waits a few days, or even the next time I see them, and show genuine personal appreciation than a copy and paste immediate message.

They should say thank you but I think expecting it within 24 hours at this time of year is a bit much.

I think sometimes you have to assume it’s as simple as kids forget. I recently did the ‘did you say thank you?’ to one off sons and he had and got all irritated that i reminded him but then my other ds said ‘thanks so much’ and it turned out he’d forgotten to say it. It’s Christmas and everything is hyped up for them and they’re being given money and stuff.

They should definitely thank you. Is it perhaps too soon? We always do thank you notes for the children's gifts so the givers won't be getting those for a few days. But whether it's a call, text or note they should thank you.

You shouldn't be going without to buy presents for your nephews and nieces. It's not fair on you. A nice card and a small token (I mean really small, like chocolate coins) is all you need to do. You have been really kind and generous, but don't harm yourself for this.

Please don't go without to give presents to children. They probably get far to much stuff anyway. Next year give them sweets ... with a nice message. They will like it just as much.

It's daft to 'go without' in order to give gifts to kids that are not your own. Stick to just small gifts next year (no money), they clearly do not appreciate what they received.

It’s the way they’ve been brought up so save your annoyance for the parents, although when children get old enough most should be able to recognise social cues and saying thank you is one of them!

I was always told saying thank you was very important. We had to send handwritten letters after Christmas! I always prompt a thank you from my four year old and follow it up myself but we gave my 11 year old niece a £30 gift voucher this Christmas and she just opened it and didn’t say a word. Her parents were right there, and didn’t prompt a thank you or say it themselves, which I think is really poor form. I’d have been mortified had that been my child. £30 is a fortune at 11!

Sadly a lot of parents don’t teach basic manners at a young age anymore. I absolutely wouldn’t expect a handwritten or text follow up thank you as long as they had thanked me at the time though.

Depending on how old they are, they might not even have opened them yet. Our kids get presents from 11 or 12 family members - in conjunction with our presents and Santa, it’s just too many to open (and appreciate) on one day. We stagger ours - there’s probably still 10 to open under our tree. They then write handwritten notes early in the new year (when the printed postcards of them in their Christmas outfits come through!). The thank yous always get sent, but they’re definitely not the priority on Christmas Day itself.

Is this the first time you've given them gifts? I'm wondering how they responded on previous occasions, if applicable.

If they are likely to be posting a thank you card/letter, there's no way you could have received this yet.

Just give them sweets and chocolates with a card. You really shouldn’t be going without!

They received their gifts under the tree, they weren't around for me to personally give to them as it was mid December and they were at school.

So, firstly I'm not complaining I'm just asking for advice. Secondly I did not see my nieces and nephews in person. I also believe money is a gift everyone would like, hence giving. The presents were small, token gifts that I know they would like and use. Said nieces and nephews are teenagers with smartphones who knows how to text.

If they’re young children without phones, are they likely to be writing you a Thankyou note?

If you didn’t hand the presents to them, it’s only just been Christmas Day and Boxing Day - they’re likely spending time with family. If you haven’t had a Thankyou by New years then that is rude!