To make lots of effort for Christmas dinner?

[TheTamerShrew]

I hosted and I made:
Roast potatoes
Honey glazed roast carrots
Roast sweet potatoes
Roast butternut squash with nut roast
Home made nut roast
Home made wellington
Steamed cauliflower, broccoli, asparagus and peas
Gravy

Store bought:
Quorn roast
Vegan sausage and cranberry crown
Seeded nut roast

Of course a cheese course, then Christmas pudding (home made)

It was a huge amount of food, loads for everyone and lots of leftovers.

Since visiting family, the effort was somewhat less.

What is the norm? (Yes veggie Christmas)

I find this quite an average effort Christmas dinner. Obviously more than a bunch of ready made stuff but not much more than a standard roast.

I find the 3 roasted orange veg a bit odd. And I wouldn't want quorn on my Christmas table, it's like veggie turkey twizzlers isn't it?

There were six of us and I didn’t want leftovers so we had: roast chicken, roast potatoes, parsnips and carrots, steamed broccoli and boiled sprouts all from raw ingredients and sage and onion stuffing balls, pigs in blankets, gravy and cranberry sauce from M&S. No starters, no cheese. One dessert made by our guest. All tasty, everyone had a nice meal and I’m not left with more than a couple of sandwiches worth of leftovers. I didn’t make a vast effort - I didn’t need to and I’d rather spend more time with my kids on the day and be happy and unstressed than be making multiple options or making homemade this that and the other.

Very normal for us, but some people will want more or want to have a choice or be hosting far more people or have to take dietary restrictions into account. Or they enjoy cooking. I don’t think there is a normal and so long as people had a nice meal I don’t think it matters.

I think it sounds fab BUT having watched OH cooking and prepping for 2 days (12 adults) and canvassing people a month in advance as to what they wanted, he ended up cooking 4 different meats and 7 different vegetables, and we sat together for hardly any time as there were kids running about, elderly parents to deal with, pissed uncle etc. It was delicious, and I absolutely do my time too (resourcer of ingredients, taxi driver, present buyer and wrapper, clearer of the house, decorations, peace-maker, washer upper, and so on). But it has to stop. We said this last year (after a similar 2 day effort) and we did not follow it through. Next year it will be different. No less hosting, but less focus on the "Christmas dinner" and more on just being together. HTH xx

If you think this is average then you would have been incredibly disappointed by what we were offered as guests!!

Quorn roast is appreciated by many, and there would have been complaints if it wasn't included. I personally prefer home made but I made lots of options so there was choice for everyone. I never heard of Quorn snobbery before but there is a first for everything.

Interesting to hear different perspectives. Family had no kids so no competing attention.

I do wonder if I should make so much effort next year if it isn't expected/the norm/reciprocated.

Good lord, that's a lot of different options. I thought mine was a Trojan effort.

Pigs in blankets, meat and veggie
Nut roast
Turkey
Ham
Potato gratin
Roast potatoes
Red cabbage
Roasted root vegetables
Stuffing, gravy etc

Three desserts
Cheese course (nobody bothered)

Don’t do it because you hope it’ll be reciprocated. That way lies madness. Do what you want to serve up, and what you think your guests will like. Put in as much effort as you want to, but it’s wholly up to you - not everyone will do the same and they (usually!) don’t mean it as an insult or as a comment that they don’t like or appreciate what you do. Just they either feel they can’t do that, or they don’t want to spend time doing that. There’s so much on at Xmas, including chilling and resting. It’s fine for people to prioritise different things.

There’s no standard “the norm”. Everyone has v different christmasses. Look in any shop - you can see tons and tons of ready prepared stuff for Xmas as well as lots of “ingredients” for making things from scratch. Clearly both are done by millions of households.

we don’t celebrate Christmas but do all the traditions including a big feast. I also find it a bit amusing when people get in such a fluster about a roast and the sides. That is just ONE of the meals we do, a proper feast.

But it should never be about tit for tat.
It should be about how much you enjoy it and how much time and energy you have to do that much work.
I have known people who positively enjoy showing off their considerable cooking and hosting skills and who really enjoy putting a lot of effort into a meal. But I also know lots of other people for whom producing what some might consider a much "lesser" meal is immensely stressful and anxiety inducing for them.

What you do shouldn't be based upon other people's skills or energy levels, but should be based upon what you enjoy doing.
As long as no-one goes home hungry, then all is well.

Not about tit for that, but perhaps it's not worth it going to a huge effort anymore. I am not sure I can do a half-hearted effort though, that's just not normal for me. I will have a think for next year, or maybe do something different to roast.

For comparison, I was offered when visiting:
One boiled veg
2 roast veg
One shop bought main
Some roast potatoes
.. that's all. I was happy to bring food but that was turned down. I felt hungry as there wasn't much food.

I can coo, and at volume, but I did find myself musing why we had nine different vegetables on the table.

I think of you are hosting for Christmas it is normal to make an effort to make it special.

If you want to just slap up a mediocre roast dinner/serve a lot of premade microwaved stuff, then don't offer to host.

Were the mediocre hosts the same people you prepared food for? If so then I can see why you would feel like scaling back as they clearly aren't an appreciative audience. But otherwise, don't let their poor hosting be the benchmark, just because they are a bit shit doesn't mean you have to be. I'd just not go there for Christmas dinner again!
Of course if you felt hopelessly overwhelmed and like the food wasn't appreciated then of course you can cut back to something that works for you. But if you were happy to do it and enjoyed the results then why change it?

I did
roast chicken
gammon
pigs in blankets
home Made sage and onion stuffing
home made pork and fruit stuffing balls
carrot
carrots and parsnip mash
sprouts
roast parsnip
mash
roast potatoes
gravy

Bought ready to heat red cabbage
Bought ready to heat bread sauce

made sherry trifle
bought a pudding
cheese and biscuits

I am delighted after three days I have zero waste. 🎉🎉🎉

Everyone has different skills, spare time, money, stresses. If someone hosts for me I’m happy with what the provide. If I host for them they put up with wha I provide. (I usually do a lot of home made food but totally understand why others can’t/don’t want to). My lovely mil taught me good grace as she’s eaten many a terrible meal cooked by myself but always compliments me and said while she’s not having to cook she’s thankful 🤷‍♀️ I live by her attitude

Well you clearly didn't enjoy this and consider your dinner far superior (to the point you've made this thread to make that point), so quite why you want to change your superior (in your opinion) meal to match what you consider an inferior one is mind boggling.

FWIW, a veggie main, roast potatoes and 3 veg is a perfectly fine, if not extravagent, meal. When someone has gone to the effort of hosting you, it's exceptionally rude to complain about it.

Yes we make the same kind of effort for Christmas dinner but it’s not really an effort - it’s just how we cook. As a vegetarian of over 35 years I would not have wanted several kind of mains. A nut roast, quorn roast and mushroom wellington in one meal is just too much.

Just as an aside, are the whole family veggie/vegan? Because if others had roast meats, pigs in blankets, meat gravy etc alongside three veg and roast poatoes, that would be a lovely meal (and for meat eaters almost certainly much preferable to multiple versions of nut roasts and fake meats and a pile of vegetables). Is it just they only subbed out the main meat for the veggies and not PIBs/gravy etc, and not as many varieties of veg, as for meat eaters, the veg isn't the main event.

Honestly, the meal that you described that you cooked is a bit 'meh' to me as a meat eater, as I don't eat nut roasts or fake meats. Whilst I'm sure you put in lots of effort, I simply don't find the food you're cooking tasty or enjoyable. I'd just be eating a pile of veg (many similar to each other) which isn't special to me. But for that reason, I wouldn't be having a vegetarian main Christmas meal. I'd either decline the invitation, or have already cooked and eaten a lovely traditional dinner with 2 or 3 meats, pigs in blankets and all the trimmings on Christmas Eve, and would have tolerated (but been polite about) your food purely for the sake of joining in with family for Christmas.