Striking the balance between doing stuff and just relaxing

[flumpsfortea]

I write this as I’m contemplating booking a light show for tomorrow evening. It’s something the kids would enjoy in principal but in reality it’s very expensive, I know it’ll be freezing, it’s a 45 minute drive away and I can foresee moaning happening.
All my ds12 is bothered about is going to spend some of his Xmas money in sports direct. Younger dc will probably be happy going along to town, having a hot chocolate and going to the park.
It’s something I struggle with a lot - doing ‘stuff’ to ‘make memories’ and just allowing us all the chance to relax and potter. I enjoy pottering and being at home but it always feels like we’re not doing enough and that I pressure myself to give the kids lovely memories and actual activities and days out.
Its something I want to be able to work on next year - striking the balance between actually doing fun stuff that we’ll all enjoy that won’t break the bank and just letting go of the mum guilt of just being at home and content in that.
Even today I’d vowed to have a totally relaxing day after the chaos of Christmas but by lunchtime I felt like we needed to get out and do something. We had a long dog walk and visited family which was nice but it wasn’t what I’d planned. I wish I could just lean into being home and not feeling bad about it!
Is anyone else like this? How do you get the balance right?

Where is the pressure to "make memories" coming from?
You already know the kids aren't fussed. I actually think dragging them out for the sake of it tomorrow is unfair. Put the money aside for something at Feb half term when they've not got new toys and Christmas money to spend.

Don’t spend money you don’t need to. A walk somewhere new and a treat from the shop goes fowl well. I usually spend little now and plan for Feb/March when bowling or cinema would be much more appreciated than now (and it’ll feel like a treat).

I struggle with ‘doing nothing’ when there are other people in the house. Feel a bit like i should be doing something productive.
Today though after 3 days of hosting, cooking, cleaning on repeat (dh has been here more than pulling his weight too), dh and ds were out for the day and the other dc were out doing things. I took myself for a long walk and then allowed myself to lie on the sofa for the rest of the day, reading, watching telly and MNing. It has been blissful. I had invites to go and join in with family stuff but I really wanted and needed some time to myself in silence tbh!
I agree with the pp who suggested saving the cash for the show and spending it another time when they don’t already have a load of fun new stuff about.
If the dc would probably moan about it and it’s cold and a drive away it already doesn’t sound much fun. The memories made are likely to be disappointing ones if you’ve spent a lot of money on it!

You cannot make memories

it is an illusion

think back to your own childhood, do you remember it fondly s as every outing your parents took you on? Or do you remember the general atmosphere at home, your dads jokes, your mums failed cooking experiments, playing with your siblings etc etc

outings are often just to create an advertisement/social media memories. Not real memories necessarily

it is pressure generated by social media

OP, as I was reading your post, I had the same question as the PP - where is the pressure to 'do something' coming from? Is it from social media? If yes, I would highly recommend taking a step back. I was in a similar place where I felt everyone else on SM was doing more than me.. that's when I took a step back and feel much better for it.

Both DH and I have stressful jobs and doing nothing on some days works for us. We have a few things planned for the next week, but for most of it we plan to stay at home. Making memories doesn't always have to be something that you can capture and share with others.

Here's what we did today - woke up very late (10 am!) to a full English breakfast thanks to DH, followed by trying to figure out instructions for a new game my DS got for Christmas, followed by 4 hours of actually playing the game, by which time it was evening. I technically didn't make any memories, but it was a lovely day just hanging at home with the DC 😊

It’s more my own feelings of wanting my dc to have nice memories of school holidays and time spent at home. It isn’t to show off to other people, more so I can think to myself ‘that was a really fun activity and it was nice to see them enjoy something different.’ Although I can accept that social media probably plays a part because when you’re seeing other people do these sorts of things it makes you compare what you’re doing.

If it were just me I’d be happy to sit at home and do very little but it makes me feel guilty for the kids. I don’t really know why. Maybe because when we’re all home we tend to deviate off in different directions - eldest just wants to be in his room or gaming, youngest gets a bit feral after being cooped up too long and dh and I end up doing boring but necessary chores so it’s not even like we’re spending quality family time together.

I will probably forget the light show as it is a lot of money (nearly £100) for just a couple of hours and it will be dark and cold. But I do want to work on my own stupid and frustrating feelings of guilt and the need to always be creating enforced fun that in many cases doesn’t turn out how I’d envisioned anyway.

It's about balance.
Being relaxed is lovely for you and seeing you relax is a gift to your children.

Can't you 'make memories' at home? Have a games night or a movie afternoon - make some snacks together and cwtch up on the sofa with blankets and a film? I bet the kids would enjoy some downtime in the Christmas holidays, term time is so full on and it's nice to have some lie ins, lazy breakfasts and relaxed days!

If you want to go out, there's plenty of parks and you can always have a walk round the shops so they can spend their xmas money, have tea out somewhere and then home to get pj's on and chill.

There was a really interesting thread on here a week or so ago, where people were discussing whether children need to be bored on occasion, and make their own entertainment rather than be constantly stimulated by parents ‘making memories.’

The consensus was mainly that actually, pottering around and leaving kids to just get on with their own stimulation is just fine, and that the pressure to continually be ‘doing’ is mostly self imposed by the parents.

I was born in 1970. Without being too Gen X about it, children my age were generally left to get on with things. There was occasional boredom, for sure, but there were also books, TV, games, seeing friends, hobbies and crafts, walks and just downtime with the family. I was lucky enough to have a warm involved family- just like you do- and my memories of my childhood are fond because I was loved. I don’t feel that I missed out in any way because we weren’t continually going on outings to parks, zoos, cinemas, theatres etc. When they happened it was a treat, not an expectation, or a routine.

Stay home, save the money, put your feet up and let the kids wallow around at home.

Agree with PPs above, do something in late Jan or Feb when it’s still dark and dreary and Christmas seems a long time ago. It’s your holiday too. I hope you have a lovely time.

I agree with the poster above. Many families I know of now talk about making memories..at a theme park, holiday, expensive days out and I think a lot of parents have just got lazy (not saying you are OP) and throw money at a situation rather than spend time with their children doing something that requires more effort. Our local area is great for council run free events but they are never as well attended as they could be but you go into the shopping centre, cinema or bowling alley nearby and it’s overrun with children of primary age who would get so much out of the free activities.

I like using this time to plan for next few months. Most children have had lots of treats recently but time with your children baking, drawing/crafts, building Lego, playing football in the park, going on a bike ride etc are great for children.