Family holiday with lazy in-laws

[Itsthesameeveryday]

Incredibly wonderful (in every way) PILs have kindly paid for a villa next April for a big family holiday, sunny climate, pool etc. There will be two of them (late 70s), us (2 adults, 2 small children) and SIL and husband (2 adults, 2 slightly older children).

Christmas has reminded us just how incredible lazy and entitled my SIL and her husband are, and now we are absolutely dreading our family holiday.

I desperately need to learn some coping mechanisms for it, I'm not one to usually not saying anything but to do so will 100% cause a family fall out and upset my lovely PILs. I also very much value fairness and find it hard to overlook the inbalance.

Things they do (last family holiday 5 years ago): dont lift a finger to help clean up after 3 meals a day, turn up empty handed whilst we all bring food/drink, complain how tired they are all the time like noone else is ever tired, expect to be waited on hand and foot, think the world revolves around what their 2 kids want to do, dont chip into any ongoing family shops, dont cook any meals. PILs are so giving, they will jump and go and help or do things for them, go to shops to fetch things for them - and then we jump in to save tired PIL from having to do it, which causes a lot of resentment from my end. PIL won't say anything. We are only going as it means so much to PIL. Husband is on exactly the same page as me and finds it very hard.

The Christmas guest thread has made me realise there's loads of entitled people out there, and lots of family members putting up with it and not saying anything, and I'm very interested to hear how others would handle this situation.

AIBU: Keep schtum, dont say anything and put resentment aside for family trip, which has been so kindly gifted. If so please give me tips/similar stories to get me through it.

AINBU: Something absolutely has to be said, even if it will cause tension and upset to PILs.

I mean, if they're paying for the holiday then it's not unreasonable for them to get away without having to clean up after a meal when they're on holiday.

Agree with communication but you also have to build in your own alternatives.

So if it’s their turn to cook on Tuesday and they’re suddenly ill/tired/late/confused your response is “DH and I are going to pop into town and get pizza with the kids” see you later and just leave.

or if they want to go to mini golf and it’s not your thing “enjoy, DH and I are going to take the DC to the adventure playground, we’ll see you back here at 6”.

the only way to make this work is unless you are walking distance from everywhere hire your own car. Do not be sucked into sharing. Consider the cost the price of freedom. Even if it sits on the drive for a week. It’s your escape ticket and worth every penny bitter experience

The people paying are doing too much - its DHs sister and family that don't lift a finger

You're all right, and have given me great advice. Us going away with them isn't a great idea but its happening now and I've been given lots of tips of how to navigate it, thank you. We will be 100% hiring a car.

Definitely need a what's app group.

I would start by saying - with children at different aged there's probably things your older ones want to do that mine are too young for. See what people want to do for activities, including your PIL. Split things up a bit. Gently set the expectation you will do some things together and some things seperate.

And also ask what peoples expectations are for cooking, eating out, etc. We self cater as a 2 parent 2 child family and Definitely don't cook every night. Or if we eat in the apartment it could be salad, cheese, meats, pre cooked chicken or some grilled meats from a takeaway to go with it. We generally do a supermarket shop for breakfast, lunch and snacks.

Eg if you and PILs prefer home cooked dinners and the BIL/SIL prefer takeaways then just have a kitty for breakfast and lunch stuff and let people do what they prefer for tea.