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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my DH to get off his phone and parent!

19 replies

TwooutofthreeaintbadML · 26/12/2025 18:37

I was visiting my Dad in hospital, due to limits of people allowed at his bedside I had to switch my children so they could see him and give him his gifts. Now my Husband stayed on the landing with our 10 year old DS. As I was heading out to swap children I could see DH standing there playing on his game on his phone completely ignoring our 10 year old, he was messing about with the lifts. Our DS was stopping the lifts from closing. As I opened the door I said to my DH can you get off your phone and parent, why is he messing with lifts as it's dangerous as he could trap hands/feet, if there was a code blue call those lifts will be needed not forgetting other visitors/staff who need to use them. My DH turned round and said "Don't speak to me like that, I am parenting".

Am I being unreasonable to say what I said? Were I in the wrong??

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 26/12/2025 18:38

No, not in the wrong - your son was being disruptive and your DH was actively ignoring him.

PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2025 18:42

‘I am parenting’ wasn’t reasonable but imo ‘don’t speak to me like that’ was the message. If possible avoiding ‘telling off’ your partner in public/in front of the kids is a good idea.

He was being a lazy shit dad, yes. Find a time to talk to him. But the old counselling style of saying how you feel. ‘When I see you on your phone while you’re the one in charge of ds, I get afraid, embarrassed and angry. I’m afraid that ds will hurt himself while nobody is really present with him. Im afraid that he’s learning that grown ups are on their phones all the time, I want to model better things to him. I’m embarrassed that he’s potentially getting in the way of clinical staff because nobody is really present with him. And I’m angry because I see this as neglect’.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 26/12/2025 18:45

What game was it? My children play a game where they have to be online at specific times to get time limited bonuses. If it was something like that I could understand the urgency.

hotirish99 · 26/12/2025 18:49

I'd give the same reply if someone lectured me like that.

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 26/12/2025 18:50

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 26/12/2025 18:45

What game was it? My children play a game where they have to be online at specific times to get time limited bonuses. If it was something like that I could understand the urgency.

🤣

Original poster
TwooutofthreeaintbadML · 26/12/2025 18:52

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 26/12/2025 18:45

What game was it? My children play a game where they have to be online at specific times to get time limited bonuses. If it was something like that I could understand the urgency.

It's some anime game, no set times for certain things on it. Pick up and play whenever sort of game.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwooutofthreeaintbadML · 26/12/2025 18:54

Just to add it was said to him in a calm manner not shouting or agressive.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2025 18:55

Seriously? What game was it?

If you should t do it while you’re driving, you shouldn’t do it while you’re looking after a young child imo.

Leaving aside the child development issues.

PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2025 18:56

I mean, his response was clearly defensive and he was in the wrong. It’s just that you’re not going to get very far in terms of change while he’s feeling like that.

cocobanana922 · 26/12/2025 19:04

You are probably stressed and worried about your dad so snapping is understandable, but he doesn't deserve to be told off in public like that. We all take our eyes off the ball at some point. He could have been looking at his phone for only a few seconds. You know him best, is he generally a good parent? Or is this just another issue on a long list?

Leopardspota · 26/12/2025 19:06

The child is 10! Not 10 months. I think your husband probably expected them to be able to behave. That said he should have noticed they weren’t and put a stop to it.

firstofallimadelight · 26/12/2025 19:16

He didn’t like it because you were right and he had no defence. Really poor given you were at the hospital with your dad

Original poster
TwooutofthreeaintbadML · 26/12/2025 19:23

cocobanana922 · 26/12/2025 19:04

You are probably stressed and worried about your dad so snapping is understandable, but he doesn't deserve to be told off in public like that. We all take our eyes off the ball at some point. He could have been looking at his phone for only a few seconds. You know him best, is he generally a good parent? Or is this just another issue on a long list?

Thank you, yeah I was worried about my Dad, I did say it in a calm manner, I weren't shouting just merely asking him to parent and my DS not to mess with lifts. You could add it the list yeah unfortunately 😕

OP posts:
Deadringer · 26/12/2025 19:23

Not very supportive is he? The least he could do his watch his own child while you take the other one in to your sick dad. He is a lazy arsehole.

pinkyredrose · 26/12/2025 19:59

Why was your kid fucking about with the lifts, is he usually disruptive?

Your DH was out of order.

Hope your Dad will be out of hospital soon

ManyPigeons · 26/12/2025 20:16

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 26/12/2025 18:45

What game was it? My children play a game where they have to be online at specific times to get time limited bonuses. If it was something like that I could understand the urgency.

You can understand the urgency of a grown adult needing to get time pressured prizes on a silly phone game instead of preventing his child from disrupting a hospital’s operations?

Grumblies · 26/12/2025 20:20

firstofallimadelight · 26/12/2025 19:16

He didn’t like it because you were right and he had no defence. Really poor given you were at the hospital with your dad

Agreed. I can't believe people are defending him. Yes the child is 10 but he was in his dad's care whilst pratting about his dad actively ignored his behaviour and chose to play a game on his phone over parenting.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/12/2025 20:25

Of course he shouldn’t be glued to the phone in this situation. Acting like a supportive husband would be the correct way to be, as for DS aged 10, he really should know better than to play with an expensive important machine like a hospital lift.
Your DH is a man child.

ILoveLaLaLand · 26/12/2025 20:33

You were right.
Your DH was not parenting otherwise he would have stopped DC messing with the lift in a hospital.

I saw a father with a newborn baby in his arms in the doctor's waiting room recently and was just about to lean over to tell him to support the baby's head as it was hanging back because the father was busy swiping on his phone...
This man had grey hair and looked close to 40...
His wife got there first and took the baby off of him.

Utterly pathetic and unacceptable behaviours both times.

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