To feel sad I don’t have my shit together inching into my 30’s?

[30FlirtyandDrivingmyselftoinsanity]

I’m about to turn 30 and I can’t really complain.. but I will anyway.

I’m married, two beautiful children, mortgage (shared ownership though) and generally good physical health (mental health is poor but who’s isn’t in this climate)

Despite the above, I feel like I just don’t have my shit together at all. We have some debt (loan we took out for our wedding a few years ago) in hindsight I wish we hadn’t, hindsight is a wonderful thing. But now we pay near £600 a month on debt.

I have a bad credit score after I was a stupid teenager, took out loans and didn’t prioritise paying them back. Only got a handle on it in my mid-20’s so I’m still paying the price now.

Our house is a blank slate of boring. It hardly feels like a home. Second hand everything.. which I know isn’t a bad thing by any means, but I feel like I can’t afford nice things as an adult. DH is nearly 40, and together we can’t even properly furnish our home. Ideally I don’t want to live here forever. We’re on a rough estate under shared ownership as we needed something big enough for 4 of us.

things used to be easier financially, but I had a bit of a mental slip, quit my job due to unholy burnout that had me near suicidal.

I was explaining to DH today that I feel lucky to have my family, have a roof over our heads so I’m not ungrateful.. but I don’t feel accomplished.

we go to friends of similar ages, family even and their houses are so much more homely and put together than ours is.. but we can’t afford to actually make things nice. We just have literal basics.

I just don’t want to be in my 30’s, unable to afford a coffee table unless it’s from B&M or Facebook. It’s so depressing.

DH is way more content than I am. He feels the home is fine, we don’t need more than we’ve got, no need to buy a new sofa.. ever. Doesn’t care that every wall is a sad off-white.

Today I saw someone had written “your 30’s is like your 20’s, but with money” and I feel like that’s not going to happen for us. Even when our loan is paid, that 600 odd is going to be swallowed by food bills that we can hardly pay for now. We live to the penny every single month with 0 savings. When will it get better? 🫩

Things do get better but it takes time.

I lived all of my 30s in a run-down, but with huge potential, house. It was very depressing to not be able to afford making it nice as the bills and kids expenses always had to come first. I hated having people over because of it. So I understand your situation. In my early 40s, things changed. We eventually had the money to move out for our house to be renovated. It’s a wonderful modern house now with ‘new furniture’ and my not so little kids love it! I’m proud to have visitors over now.

I’m a big believer in ‘good things come to those that wait’.

Whilst waiting for your situation to improve, make the most of having a ‘not-so-nice’ place. Do lots of arts and crafts - get the paints out - because it doesn’t matter if the kids accidentally get their paints on things (of course try not to!). Do lots of messy play and baking with them while you can. Your kids will remember this fondly, and prefer this to having a nice house where no child friendly fun happens (as it may ruin expensive items!).

Lastly… when you can afford to… room by room by some wall paint to change the dull white. Having warm colours will naturally lift your dull house and your spirits.

Wishing you lots of patients for better times head.

I can’t edit my post above, please accept these

• buy
• patience

for it to make sense.

Being in debt is tough but it won’t be forever. Also, comparing yourself to others is never going to make you happy! The material possessions and what your house look like does not matter. Your children would much prefer a happy and healthy mum who spends time with them.

I didn't say all rich people were happy. I said that it's not accurate to say that money is not the OP's issue.

I have said something very similar to this to OP re not having got the things she sees as getting your shit together at her age. But being in debt and worried about money is not a self esteem issue, it's a real world issue that materially adds to your real world worries. Of course OP should work on her self esteem, of course she should like herself, but that doesn't mean that being in debt isn't a real and reasonable source of concern to her.