To think most breakups aren’t “toxic”, they’re just incompatible?

[NotEverythingIsAbuse]

Everyone calls their ex toxic now.
Sometimes two people simply don’t work.

AIBU to think people overuse dramatic language to avoid reflecting on their own role?

Agree. I think that it's unusual for a person to actually be inherently toxic to everyone. Mostly it is just people being incompatible.

See also "horrific" used to describe a mild inconvenience.

Or "mental breakdown" used to describe a single episode of crying.

Social media / modern culture just seems to have encouraged people to use hyperbolic language and to appropriate medical terms to describe normal human experiences.

But some are toxic for that person. I think society is better at recognising bad behaviour like gaslighting, controlling behaviours etc now and calling people out

Toxic is overused. But some behaviour is really disrespectful, unkind or downright nasty. When one of you stops considering or prioritising the other, things often go downhill and using the word toxic can sometimes be accurate. That doesn’t mean you can’t reflect on your own contribution (often allowing it for too long).
You can be very compatible with someone in many ways but it’s also an easy ‘out’ when you couldn’t be bothered to try.
I’ve heard men describing their exes as toxic when the man was treating them badly and won’t take any responsibility for his actions. It’s an easy term to avoid accountability.

YANBU

And in most real life toxic relationships I've witnessed, there's more than one toxic person.

‘Toxic’, ‘gaslighting’, ‘abusive’ are thrown around because they’re so vague. One person can denigrate another just by attaching the label. Calling someone toxic or abusive conjures up all sorts of horrible possibilities which often go well beyond the true situation. They’re really more a damaging insult than a proper description.

These vogue words are basically meaningless without an explanation of ‘why’. (And ‘gaslighting’ always turns out to mean no more than “they disagree with me”.)

If a man (or woman) is unfaithful, a liar, violent, lazy, a drunk, selfish etc etc, then those should be the terms used, with detail so the whole can be understood.

Yanbu. The people who talk in pop psychology terms are usually the ones who are to be avoided themselves.

Like how on here narcissist seems to just mean MIL that I don't get on with

I think it’s probably more common for a relationship to have become toxic than for any particular person to be inherently toxic in themselves, so in that respect I agree with you.

There will however always be people who are toxic- controlling, abusive, bullying, self centered, narcissistic, lazy, childish etc……

I don’t agree that everyone calls their ex toxic. Most people don’t.

However, domestic abuse is so rife that of course there are many survivors out there only just realizing now they’re not in it how bad things were

Not forgetting......money 💰 😢

Well , some will be toxic , some won’t. If they’re simply incompatible and/or want different things and split up without too much drama then they won’t be. If won’t split up, the relationship can become toxic ,or if there’s abuse of any kind , it already was. It’s not exactly rocket science.