Big gifts for DH but token ones for DD?

[Fussyeater321]

This is regarding DHs side as my side is the complete opposite.

DD is two and from PIL her main gift (I googled it yesterday as it seemed not fit for purpose and then I saw the generally bad reviews but only cost £20) with a few stocking fillers. You know when MIL has got a ‘bargain’ as she leaves the main price on but peels the sale sticker off. All of DD things had the main price left on. I don’t mind a bargain at all but these are clearly only bought because they ‘must have been a steal’ not with any real thought. All from Primark/George/the works. I’d understand if it was done under the premise she doesn’t really understand/done with thought/to their budget but they make out they spoil her… (they’re extremely comfortable/two cruises a year/worried about inheritance tax kind of budget).

His siblings will also get DD a token gift but spend probably spend a good £50 each other. His Uncle gave DH £60 but again nothing for DD either.

In DHs family they all do ‘lists’ (literally send a page of links for everyone to pick from) and last month DH sent his and DDs. MIL replied straight away that DD was already sorted.

DH has tried to get out of presents/lists but is in far too deep. A lot of what he puts on his lists are just for the sake of it (apparently you can’t put vouchers/things you need...) He has asked for nothing for himself but just for DD but he’s threatened with ‘surprises’ instead.

In the end PIL must have spent at least £250 on DH and DH £80 on them. They keep making comments on how DH must be struggling (no shit, we’ve got a young family we’re trying to prioritise here) as he’s only buying only gift each.

It’s the same on birthdays too.

I do end up feeling resentful how DH ends up with a huge pile of expensive stuff he’s not even fussed about, my family gives us token gifts but buys good gifts for DD and we end up spending a lot of our Christmas budget on DHs family who don’t even appreciate it/feels transactional in DH favour.

Get your dh to text and say he’s not doing gifts in 2026. Simple.

do you get any gifts from them?

My family always spent more on the children than the adults and I do the same but my husband's family did the opposite. I always found it odd but I remember mother in law telling me how she worked it out. It was something like twice as much for her children than for her grandchildren and her children's spouses got something in between!

My parents spend about £300 each on me and my sisters (all grown) and about £70 each on DH and the grandkids. Kids get plenty of stuff at Christmas and we are their children

Probably not worth getting het up about this. Gift habits and preferences aren't that important really. Assuming they care and love you all, be grateful and move on. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things

My mum buys the kids bits and bobs from places from primark and Tescos as that’s where she can get to. She wouldn’t ever google for a review of an item, if she saw something and thought it looked ok, she’d buy it. My parents usually would spend more on my siblings and I, but not a huge amount. We don’t want them to as we don’t need anything but they will buy us things like gloves, jumpers etc. as my mum still thinks of us as kids to keep warm which is sweet. They don’t want us to buy stuff for them as they say we should spend it on the kids. But we buy token gifts like books, socks, handcream etc. I think what your PIL bought for your DD is fine. Also fine if they want to spend £250 on their son. But absolutely not fine to comment on your DH only buying them one gift each etc, that’s unnecessary and unkind. There’s something a bit controlling in their approach in this regard, creating a dynamic of needing their approval. Only your DH can extricate himself from that but I suspect it’s a long standing family dynamic.

I don't think it sounds grabby to ask that they buy DD useful better quality stuff but less of it, than cut price crap simply for the sake of it!

A better quality thirty quid balance bike and none of the massively reduced inappropriate tat would be much better and cost them less! Why should OP be grateful to be given shite they don't want and rubbish the kid will struggle to use because its such poor quality?!

If you are finding it too expensive to buy for them and not appreciating the gifts received, maybe he should tell them that he will opt out of exchanging gifts in future. That way your gift budget goes to choosing what you think is best for your dd