This question is a response to something I posted this in another thread- in context, I am married (24 years) with kids at uni. My husband is kind, but lazy, boring, gives me no sexual satisfaction, but needs sex from me. I do Everything- think of a job around the house- it’s mine- always has been since the kids arrived and I went full time. He spends long hours at work and has a demanding job in the city (some evenings is socialising with work friends, who I don’t know), and sometimes I don’t see him properly for days. I am frustrated, and resentful and just want to be on my own. If things changed, then I don’t want to go anywhere- I don’t want to break up a family unnecessarily. I’ve spoken to him about this- he doesn’t really take me seriously, and if he does then he says that I am making him depressed with me going on about it. He suffers from depression, and because of his work is close to burnout. We’ve not had the best of sex lives- I’ve never enjoyed it- he’s tried to talk to me about it, but I didn’t know what to do. He had an affair 13 years ago, but we moved on from it, mainly because I didn’t want to upset the kids at the time and he was regretful. He blames me for it- I didn’t listen to his frustration about our sex life. He never wanted to leave and the other woman ended it. He won’t go for counselling- doesn’t believe in it. So many people on MN have told me to leave. I appreciate everyone telling me to leave. And honestly I have thought about it. I know I get mugged off. I am the housekeeper and keep the place going. I know I am under appreciated. He’s not a bad person- nice people can be very thoughtless too. How do people leave a husband who claims that they love you, are not abusive, are not currently having an affair and I haven’t got anyone else. But he is very needy and I want more than this I think. I was young when I married him, and we are from different cultures- he’s British and I’m from a very strict Bengali family. At first, It was all exciting- we eloped to get married. But it’s so stale now. The Christmas presents I got this year were exactly the same as I got last year- anything different was something that I specifically asked for (ie, texted an online shop link). I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but there’s no thought of a surprise or spontaneity. If I leave, I don’t know where to start. Where do I go? I have a dog who is dependent on me. My kids are mainly at uni. I have a job which is quite demanding. How do people leave? What are the practical steps they take? How do they take pets into account?? I moved into the spare room, mainly because I couldn’t take the snoring anymore. But he’s taken no steps to encourage me back- won’t even try any nose strips or anything. But I will still go upstairs early on Saturday mornings for the sex, otherwise we end up having the awkward conversations, and he blames me for not giving him affection. I don’t want to have that conversation whilst the kids are still in the house this Christmas. And we have guests coming and I don’t want things to be awkward. The practicalities of being in a miserable marriage at Christmas! I honestly, don’t know why I’m writing all this- it’s because if I didn’t I would burst. I know what the responses will be before I post this. I’m so tired. And so confused.