I just don’t know what to do about my dad. I just have no solution.
He’s late 80’s but in good health. However he gets upset stomachs and IBS (not diagnosed but I think it is). He lives alone. He eats crap. In his room here there are endless cans of coke, crisps, chocolate bars, biscuits that he has binged on.
Last year he had some health scares and we tried to get him to move out of his house, into something more manageable, with lots of people around him. He absolutely refuses, but then constantly moans that we aren’t cleaning, gardening or maintaining his house for him.
Anyway, he has come to stay with me for Christmas, and he’s not feeling great. He’s gone to bed at 9.pm, got up at 1100 and just complained the rest of the time and been irritable. We waited till 1000 to open presents with him then he said he wasn’t getting up.
On one hand I feel bad as he’s elderly and not feeling well. On the other, our Christmas fell flat like a pancake because he just brought the atmosphere down. Today will be a repeat.
Last year was a shocker. We lost a young beloved family member (not my dad’s relative) and my dad’s attitude just really annoys me.
He spent all day yesterday calling up his friends and other relatives moaning about his ailments and about us (siblings and I).
He has his phone on speaker and he called someone up, told them he had been put in a rubbish bedroom (double bed with en-suite!), basically said he didn’t really want to be here, complained about my sibling who does loads for him, and I heard the other caller refer to me as “she” (say with venomous tone) and why didn’t I do this, or that for him. I felt like walking in and saying “why are you slagging me off?”, but I actually was past caring.
My dad has had a really great, privileged (spare cash, loads of love, married a few times and relatives in abundance) life, but he’s turned into a snarky, bitter, miserable man who is causing us all a lot of stress.
Usually when you have a problem, there is a solution you can work towards. I just don’t see one here. I’m stumped. His stubbornness to help himself, and his constant complaining is wearing me down.
Also, again, I’m coming across as horrible. Why does he just constantly talk about his minor ailments? He doesn’t have anything big wrong with him. Why do I need to hear for hours on end about a stiff shoulder, itchy penis, dehydrated urine, sore toe, slightly blocked nose (must go the doctor), cholesterol levels. Then when it’s not about him it’s about Dave, Margaret or Betty who had to go to the doctor. It’s constant negative health talk and I'm exhausted from it.