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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

First Xmas after bereavement

19 replies

Sudagame · 25/12/2025 16:14

I know lABU but why is there a general presumption nothing catastrophic has happened to someone which renders Xmas anything but happy or great or whatever else people wish you. Even people who know what's happened say these things.
In my case my adult DS took his own life in July this year, driven to it mainly by being denied access to his DC and coercive control and abuse by his wife for years . All because he'd had enough and wanted out and so she weaponised the children and the house etc, to attempt to give him no choice but to go back.
This Xmas was much dreaded, we just aren't doing it.
Requested no cards/presents etc and we have no decs up.
We chose this as the least distressing way to get through it for us.
We have had 'Have the best Xmas ever' handwritten on a card from a very close friend, who said she felt she couldn't not send one. Fair enough but why write that FFS.
Been told we are 'spoiling it for everyone else' and should make the effort' by a close family member (we don't generally share Xmas with them anyway)
Wrt strangers, l have obviously been wished a Happy Xmas by a lot of shop staff and managed to reply with a civil 'thank you' and 'you too' even though it brought a lump to my throat every time. This wasn't said with enough enthusiasm for a woman behind us in the queue who commented 'Bahumbug!' in a sarky voice to the member of staff whilst nodding towards us ( l overheard and turned around saw her do this so definitely about me) On that occasion l did call her out and told her we'd recently lost our son in horrible circumstances ,so was it ok with her to not be feeling the Xmas spirit. She apologised and was mortified tbf, but do l care ? Not a bit, she probably won't do that again, so have possibly done someone a favour down the line .
But anyway Xmas is bloody hard for many people , why don't some people even think of that? Ironically I used to always share a post to that effect amongst friends and family in case any were finding it hard.

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 25/12/2025 16:21

I think until you have lost someone extremely close to you, you don't quite understand how Christmas affects your grief.
6 years on from losing my dad and we still as a family struggle. We do silly things that he did, like his too alcoholic trifle, leaving whiskey for santa with my kids, the lights, all little things. I think my kids were a blessing as my son's first Christmas was our first one without my dad. It's a way to remember him.
Thinking of you through this difficult time, Christmas brings back that grief full force. Try to share good memories of your son, even though they are bound to bring tears it's a healthy way to share your grief with each other and remember the good times.

DramaQueenlady · 25/12/2025 16:22

Im so sorry for your lose. Hopefully you've found some peace today. ❤️❤️

scorpiogirly · 25/12/2025 16:29

I'm very sorry for your loss. It is one that I deem to be of the worst and for you, in the worst possible circumstance. I don't blame you at all for not 'doing' christmas this year. You do what you want, and fuck everyone else!

Sudagame · 25/12/2025 16:34

BookArt55 · 25/12/2025 16:21

I think until you have lost someone extremely close to you, you don't quite understand how Christmas affects your grief.
6 years on from losing my dad and we still as a family struggle. We do silly things that he did, like his too alcoholic trifle, leaving whiskey for santa with my kids, the lights, all little things. I think my kids were a blessing as my son's first Christmas was our first one without my dad. It's a way to remember him.
Thinking of you through this difficult time, Christmas brings back that grief full force. Try to share good memories of your son, even though they are bound to bring tears it's a healthy way to share your grief with each other and remember the good times.

Thank you for your kind words, l meant to add that there are no small DC being affected by our 'Bahumbug' Xmas or as you say we would have had to make the effort so would've been a blessing. Our other DC and DGC are all adults, except my late son's 3 DC whom we are being denied any access to by their mother. So she has not only played a large part in our son's death but taken our little DGC away from us, which we intend to fight for.

OP posts:
Sudagame · 25/12/2025 16:36

scorpiogirly · 25/12/2025 16:29

I'm very sorry for your loss. It is one that I deem to be of the worst and for you, in the worst possible circumstance. I don't blame you at all for not 'doing' christmas this year. You do what you want, and fuck everyone else!

Yes quite, my attitude exactly, and thank you.

OP posts:
tothewindow25 · 25/12/2025 16:38

I’m so sorry for your loss.

The “have the best Christmas ever” from your friend particularly stood out. Is she usually so moronic?

You do what you have to do to try and get through this time with as much peace as you can manage. If it helps, remember you are far from alone - it can often look like everyone is enjoying wonderful, carefree Christmas’, but there’s many people struggling like you are. I know it’s no real consolation, but can sometimes help.

X

BellaVita · 25/12/2025 16:52

Oh I get how you feel.

Our son (28) passed away on 29th June due to a Glioblastoma.

I haven’t done Xmas cards (I didn’t do them last year), we have received some but not as many as normal, but tbh I would just rather have a message a few days before saying “thinking about you”.

I get people don’t want to upset us, but like you getting a card with “have the best Christmas ever” is just bloody crass imo.

We havent done Christmas this year, today DH and I went to the pub two villages over for drinks - DS’s and ours favourite pub. We are having one of his favourite foods - chicken curry for tea. Tomorrow our other son who lives with his partner and our granddaughter are coming for lunch and presents.

Am sorry you have lost your son and haven’t been able to see your grandchildren.

Sending love xx

Sudagame · 25/12/2025 16:53

tothewindow25 · 25/12/2025 16:38

I’m so sorry for your loss.

The “have the best Christmas ever” from your friend particularly stood out. Is she usually so moronic?

You do what you have to do to try and get through this time with as much peace as you can manage. If it helps, remember you are far from alone - it can often look like everyone is enjoying wonderful, carefree Christmas’, but there’s many people struggling like you are. I know it’s no real consolation, but can sometimes help.

X

Thank you
She's not known for her diplomacy, l did say when she called that it's actually the worst Xmas of our lives but thanks anyway. She said she had been writing a pile of cards and as she had decided she absolutely must send us a card even though requested none, she just accidentally wrote same thing on ours as the others 🙄. We are fine though, not fallen out or anything.

OP posts:
PurpleCyclamen · 25/12/2025 16:56

I’m so sorry for you OP. Totally understandable how you are feeling. Sadly there are others in your situation too, my friend facing his first Christmas without his wife. He has gone away from it all.
My parents both (different years) died a few days before Xmas. DF from COVID 5 years ago (unexpected) and DM this year (it was expected). It is the unopened presents under the tree that got me both times - I took them, still wrapped, to a charity shop.
For me my faith helps but I accept that is not the case for many people. I have attended a Blue Christmas service every year in December since DF died and it comforts me.
I hope you can find something that offers you some comfort/relief in the future, the storm never fully subsides but it will die down a little in future.

CrotchetyQuaver · 25/12/2025 16:58

I list my DH in May, we are "doing" Christmas but low key rather than big family stuff, there are just 4 of us.

well done for calling that moronic woman out, I think I'd be like you if I'd lost one of my DD. We've been very lucky and have all had a few messages from friends today saying they're thinking of us. Wishing you all the best xx

Littlejellyuk · 25/12/2025 17:03

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP. 💐
My young uncle took his own life many years ago, because of this same reason (denied access to his DC).
It broke my mums heart, as there was an age gap, and she basically raised her younger brother (my uncle). 💔

I lost my mum this summer, and it crucified me, as she should have had years left here to enjoy herself.
It's our first Christmas without her, and it bloody stings. 😔

The pal who wrote the card either wrote it absent mindedly (maybe that was the phrase in all her cards she wrote) and if not, then she was an idiot. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Either way, it's your first Christmas, it's hard, it's shit and you do whatever you need to, to survive this season. 🫂

Sending support to you and I hope you are okay @Sudagame

P00hsticks · 25/12/2025 17:09

I'm sorry for your loss.

I lost my father eighteen months ago and brother a few years back. I really struggled to find a suitable christmas card to send to my mother, who will be by herself on Christmas day as it's too far for me to travel. The sentiments in all the cards I looked at were so positive when I really wanted something to just acknowledge that Christmas is pretty sh*tty for the both of us now without them but that we must just soldier on as best we can through it all.... There's definitely a gap in the market,

Mikart · 25/12/2025 17:12

Because people are cunts.
I lost ds in similar circumstances a year ago and have dropped many people from my life due to their crassness.

Netcurtainnelly · 25/12/2025 17:14

Alot of people do understand Op.

Best Christmas ever was a durante thing to put.

luckylavender · 25/12/2025 17:17

@Sudagame- there’s not much really any of us can say. Just hope that you find a way to navigate these choppy waters and find some semblance of peace.

Turnerskies · 25/12/2025 17:17

I lost my son a few months ago. Of course Christmas is difficult and I am not celebrating but most people have been kind and I am trying to do most things as normal for the grandchildren.

Lizzim18 · 25/12/2025 20:27

My friend lost her dad on 1st December and I found a card that was appropriate (no best Xmas ever or similar) so you aren’t unreasonable and there are ways to sensitively deal with situations like this ❤️

Frieda86 · 25/12/2025 20:32

BookArt55 · 25/12/2025 16:21

I think until you have lost someone extremely close to you, you don't quite understand how Christmas affects your grief.
6 years on from losing my dad and we still as a family struggle. We do silly things that he did, like his too alcoholic trifle, leaving whiskey for santa with my kids, the lights, all little things. I think my kids were a blessing as my son's first Christmas was our first one without my dad. It's a way to remember him.
Thinking of you through this difficult time, Christmas brings back that grief full force. Try to share good memories of your son, even though they are bound to bring tears it's a healthy way to share your grief with each other and remember the good times.

This. 100% some people just dont get it. Sending u lots of love xxx

DomPom47 · 25/12/2025 20:52

So very sorry for your loss. I have no words of wisdom but wanted to acknowledged your pain. I hope that in time the weight of it becomes easier to carry 🌺

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