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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Grandparents not bothered with grandkids

4 replies

BubbleTeaT · 25/12/2025 10:22

My own mum and partner don't ever ask about my two children. Used to my mum being non maternal all my life, she will look after kids if asked but makes obvious it's a chore so that it puts me off her having them. Kids are 12 and 10.

My own dad is great but has a demanding job, step mum doesn't help at all and always makes us feel like not her family so not important. Makes it awkward to visit them etc.

MIL and step FIL don't ever message or ask to have kids or ask how they are, see us briefly every few months, What's started to annoy me is that when organised visits or meals out are arranged they either cancel last minute or turn up hours late. This has happened this last week cancelling plans we made with them over Christmas with only three days notice.

Is it too much to ask to have grandparents that actually give a crap. I feel deeply angry all the time over lack of interest. I feel it stems deeply from my own feelings of being unwanted etc from childhood. I want to cut them all off to be honest, my question is am I being unreasonable to feel so strongly.

To add, any meetings, events etc are usually organised by myself and never Instigated my other parties in all of this.

My husband just takes it with a pinch of salt but I feel let down and don't want my kids to feel like this either

OP posts:
MyFunSloth · 25/12/2025 10:50

I’m sorry to read this OP. It is upsetting when people who ought to care just don’t.

At some point you have to make peace with the hand you have been dealt. In my case, it was about focusing on the good things they did for me in the past. I then reflected on why they were acting from a place of such limited care - usually because that was what they had to work with from their own parents.

Yes, it would have been nice if they bucked the trend, but sadly that is rare. When all this is done, you have to accept it and if necessary match their energy. I hope you can enjoy a lovely day with your kids today.

CrustyBread1977 · 25/12/2025 10:52

Some people just aren’t interested. You’ll have to adjust your expectations. Otherwise you’ll be miserable and resentful for years, as you’re hoping for something they won’t deliver.

Boredonafridaynight · 25/12/2025 10:55

I hear you!! DH mam doesn't bother with our daughter. Only grandchild and her only son. Told me when I was pregnant never ask her to babysit. Never been maternal anyway. Young, good health and retired early. Comes to our house 2-3 times a year, lives extremely close by. She smokes indoors so we dont go to hers. Knows basically nothing about her. I gave up long ago. Shes the one missing out

Valid8me · 25/12/2025 10:56

You felt unwanted during your childhood so what made you think that they would be any better with their grandchildren? Some people just aren't interested, there i nothing you can do about it and whilst you can feel annoyed, it isn't worth feeling deeply angry over. They are the ones missing out.

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