Second hand presents

[TitaniumTess]

Background - my sister does not work but is married to a very very wealthy family. Her husband has an amazing job in finance. They have 4 children.

My daughter has just opened her presents from them this morning - a bar of chocolate and 2 second hand books. The pages are bent and you can see from the stamp that a school has owned them.

Is it too late for me to run around to my Mum's house to get the presents back from under the tree!?! I am joking about the last bit... But after a dirty second hand purse for my birthday, it's wound me up!

Ask your sister if she’s given you her kids school books by mistake!

YANBU. I’m generally of the opinion that re-gifting is fine, and if a present is of good quality but second hand I’d pass on as a present… but it sounds less like that and more like she can’t be bothered? I wouldn’t gift something obviously used and a dirty bag is pretty horrible to pass on…

Do you know what goes on in their marriage? Your sister does not work. Maybe the husband is controlling and that is all she can afford to give.

I love second hand gifts but even I'd be 'meh' about that!

second hand is fine, tatty books is not (unless a very old first edition/out of print hard to find favourite thats been tracked down specifically!

There is no way that her husband is controlling anything at all. She's very much in charge.

Thanks - some of those made me laugh!!

Maybe her husband doesn't like her to spend his money on her family or friends...maybe have a word with her and say nothing wrong with second hands but there's decent ones she can choose for gifts. Or tell her if not then it's completely ok not to give anything at all as you understand her situation.

Tatty school owned books and a dirty bag are not acceptable. Do they spend much on themselves?

YANBU. I love a second hand present and do them for DC and nephews/nieces but only if they are decent quality. We always have a vaguely similar budget as well!

How do you really know? Yes the presents do sound crap but I think to me I would be having a word to her in private to check everything is ok.
Maybe the husband likes her to put on a show if being in charge, and like someone else has ous only thinks his money should be spent on what he owns (your sister, his children). Maybe the reality is she has no money of her own to buy nice gifts for others.

She controls every decision they make, his phone, and every family occasion, so I'm pretty sure....