Stopping MIL giving duplicate main gift

[Momrage]

We're at the PIL for Christmas, DC is 2.5 and really only just understanding it all. This year was his first time DC had a list. Only 2 things, one being a "Lightening McQueen" which is actually a red, electric ride on car, similar to one he's obsessed with at a play cafe near us. Which we've got him. We've not got a lot else due to the expense, other than his second request and a few small bits.

What's he's asked Santa for has come up in conversation a few times on PIL video calls, as they don't live near us. And we found out this evening that MIL has gone ahead and bought very similar a red car without running it by us.

She genuinely planned to still give it to him, and not as one to keep at her house either - for us to take home. I've said no. She can't give it to him as we literally don't have room, ours is the exact one he's asked for and is also non-returnable, unlike hers. She's cried, got in a sulk, and started necking the untouchable Christmas day snacks in a huff.

So as a peace offer I've now had to give DCs second asked for gift on his list to MIL for her to give. Am I pissed? Yes, it was a fucking niche, hard to find gift... will I get over it? Also yes.

So AIBU? Surely you'd fucking ask first? No?

So she knew you’d already bought it? Did she say why she got another?

YABU for offering up your niche hard to find second gift as a peace offering!!! I know it was likely to try and have as much a harmonious Christmas as possible (and save the snacks 😆), but it is rewarding the tantrum somewhat!

When I say it came up in conversation, I meant DC said "I asked Santa for lightening McQueen" she never asked if we'd bought it, she never asked DC or us what they'd like for Christmas from her. She claims not to have realised that we his parents would buy him the one toy he has asked for. I even asked to borrow a tool to help build the car this morning but she claims not to have heard the car bit. Bizarre.

I'm grateful they obviously care a lot about him. But christ I could do without the dramatics.

What a silly grandma. As if that was going to go well for her!

And you know with toddler logic he's going to ditch the car and bloody love grandmas gift now, right!

There tapped in the head! I’ve just unpacked tons stuff that’s probably nothing to do with what my girl would like or want! Why they always trying to steal the thunder

It sounds like a failure on both parts. She asked him what he wanted so she could get something he’d like. You didn’t then inform her you’d already got him that thing. She didn’t check with you, you didn’t give her a few suggestions of things to get so you wouldn’t double up.

Ah, we had the same with my exH parents when DD was little, two years in a row. After that, I made an Amazon gift list, sent it to all with strict instructions they were to tick off what they were buying even if they weren't getting it from Amazon.

Worked perfectly with my side of the family, not his.

In the end, I just ran with it and hoped there was enough "stuff" that duplicates were less likely.

It's annoying OP and I totally understand your frustration. But it's minor in the overall scheme of things - your son is young, he's not going to remember who got what, just focus on his enjoyment.

As a grandmother, I would run anything past my grandchildren’s parents. In fact my children usually give me some ideas for the grandchildren. However, there are some posts on MN that complain that the grandparents can’t think of presents themselves.

Look up Shawna The Mom on YouTube or Instagram.

You have a Barb. You might see a few relatable scenarios that you’ll go Ooohhh , there she is!

I wouldn’t have given up the second gift. As if a 2 year old even understands that grandma will be giving him something. She didn’t need to take that off you.

Update: she has redirected all focus on DC2s present. Shes got him a giant bit of plastic tat and I've just walked past the tree where we've put the few bits we've got each of DCs in two piles. She's written DC2s name massively on a bit of paper and plonked it front and centre in front of all gifts as a placeholder space for where she will - I assume - ceremonially bring down and place the fisher price behemoth.

I’d give anything to have my Mam here for Christmas.
She died unexpectedly at the age of 59.
Imagine yourself in years to come, sitting alone on Christmas Day and thinking your child doesn’t want you there.
Bloody cruel if you ask me!

Don’t know how, but it seems to have posted in the wrong thread.
Sorry xxx

No worries, sending love x