F*caked up xmas

30 replies

Blinkingbother · 24/12/2025 20:48

I know I have another thread going. Dh has I just lost it with me because I spilt some food whilst serving him- it just fell on the side, not on him and wasn’t on purpose. He says I deliberately made a mess of his food? FUCK. Teenage children bewildered, I’ve had to run & hide…but really…. He’s finally shown his unreasonable arse hasn’t he? How can I be blamed for accidentally spilling his food? All others now eating in silence. I have nowhere to go and he has all the £. Don’t ever be a sahm - you think it’s fine, it’s not, ever. It takes away any agency you may have in your life forever.

OP posts:

CJsGoldfish · 24/12/2025 22:06

Blinkingbother · 24/12/2025 20:56

There are no ducks - he has everything in his power, there is nothing in mine - I’ve been denied access to everything for a while. Kids ok - youngest just came to find me - isn’t it awful they said “he’s mad for no reason, sorry”… they’ve gone to get ready for bed…I gave them a hug told them it’s ok but they must know really…

Of course the children know and, believe me, they are not 'ok'.
They will have been shaped (damaged) by what has been modelled to them. Don't ever kid yourself that children don't know what's going on, if nothing else, they FEEL it.

If you are married, he does NOT hold all the power but you need to decide that it is worth standing up for your children and yourself.

ManyPigeons · 24/12/2025 22:07

Blinkingbother · 24/12/2025 21:07

Thanks - i had a plan - got a new (professional based) degree - but I’m not sure anyone wants to hire a washed up late 40s something- I’ve been trying, think I may have to try and work for free for work experience... My confidence is gone. I am worthless to society really… Kids all fine (ish) - I can hear they’ve eaten and all retreated to their rooms. He won’t ever accept he’s in the wrong.

40-something isn’t washed up with relatively new qualifications OP. That’s him getting in your head.

You've got 20 years of work left in you! Get out there and get your freedom back.

Clingfilm · 24/12/2025 22:26

This sounds like a turning point. This time next year things could be very different, so much better OP. Take strength from us lot here and seize the rest of your life.

Eyeshadow · 24/12/2025 22:43

Those poor kids 💔💔

You are choosing to live like this but they are not.

They will be scared for life because their dad is abusive and their mum chose to keep them in that environment.

You do not need a job straight away, you’re using this as an excuse.
You could have got a job in Tesco and got a degree at home at the same time.

You will receive UC/job seekers whilst you look for work.

Ring women’s aid asap.
Find out the quickest way you can leave and take the kids with you (you’ll most likely be put in temporary accommodation with them).

Those kids need help.

Catpuss66 · 24/12/2025 23:33

Blinkingbother · 24/12/2025 21:50

I think this is the first time in many years they’ve been witness to it. Still not ok. Youngest has dragged me into bed with her & a film (bride hard?!🙈), eldest came & was weird mix of concerned/ jovial with us and now gone to bed, middle will always be fine… Yes, I need to get a job, I know, I’m trying. I’m actually f-ing solid - I don’t care where I live or how hard I have to physically or mentally work my priority is the kids…. They have slightly higher expectations😬… and I just need to get the confidence to approach people for experience!

Get any job working on the tills in a shop anything to gain confidence, you can apply for your preferred job whilst doing that, gives you some money at least.

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