to be very upset about my dad’s behaviour on Christmas

[LorettaY]

My parents have been divorced for years and as a result I spend Christmas with other year. But we still met last week to have our own celebration.

first I’ve had the year from hell - 4 bereavements, laid off, partner left. Diagnosed with depression and been in therapy for months.

Tonight while I’m relaxing with family he
messages and ask if I sent him a Christmas card. I said sorry I didn’t manage this year (because these kinds of small tasks have fallen by the wayside). Said he’ll get one next year.

He went on a huge guilt trip about how could I, he’s my father, how stressful is it to do something simple. I again said I’ve had depression and I’ve been overwhelmed and then he sent a nasty reply. I ended up in floods of tears and a relative messaged asking him to stop and he replied stay out of it!

we’ve always had a good relationship and I’m honestly floored by how nasty he has been. He has ruined my Christmas Eve.

Im sorry you've had such a crap year. I hope next year is better for you.

Sounds like you've handled your dad's tantrum in exactly the right way. Have a lovely day with the family that love and value you.

@LorettaY I didn't send cards this year. Too tired. I instead made a donation to a local charity as it made it seem a more charitable/Christian thing to do.

I would message your dad and say that you did not like how rude he was yesterday, you've had a really tough year and were too drained to send cards, and you would have thought he would understand that, not berate you and make you feel even worse.

Did he send you a card?

Fucking hell, how important is a frigging card

@OhamIreally he handed me a card when I saw him. He’s really weird about them. One year it got lost in the post and he was obsessed about it.

@Theslummymummy absolutely! He messaged me multiple times today being nice and wishing me a good day (but still no apology). I’ll get back to him briefly tomorrow - was just not willing to play nice or call him after he ruined my Christmas Eve.

If you've seen him personally, like you mentioned, why does he need a card? The older I get, the more I think Christmas cards for people you see regularly are a waste of resources, time and money. Birthday cards are a different matter.

@Olderbutt i really don’t know where his obsession with getting a card comes from.

years ago when I was about 18 I forgot to send a Father’s Day card and he lost the plot then as well. Thinking back I’d again had a bereavement at that time. I struggle to keep on top of life admin when I’m depressed. He has no compassion .

Parents are supposed to help and support their children when they are going through a hard time.

Your dad is selfish and uncaring and utterly ridiculous to make such a horrible fuss about a Christmas card.

I wouldn't have wished him Merry Christmas. I'd pull right back and concentrate on myself and people who actually love and care for me.

@thepariscrimefiles i wished him merry Christmas because he was alone and I didn’t want a serious rift at that point.

but I agree about pulling back. And he was supportive in general but for example he questioned me getting therapy - he’s ignorant about mental health. The fact he ignored my explanation for how I’ve struggled and he IGNORED it to give a nasty reply is a big deal to me.

Im supposed to see him at at a family get together in a week but im still very hurt.