Visiting family for Christmas and I’m already irritated.
Why is it that whenever a child needs anything, it’s mostly a woman who gets asked?
Child needs holding? A woman.
Nappy needs changing? A woman.
Baby is crying? Give it to a woman.
Child needs to go to the toilet? Can you take her. Said to a woman.
Child needs help or comforting? Mum looks around for another woman.
The men are mostly left alone. Sitting, chatting, eating, relaxing. Not even considered.
What really gets me is that it’s not always their own kids. Women who need help often hand their child to another woman without asking, like it’s some unspoken rule that we’re all responsible. No checking if you’re ok with it. No thought of asking a man.
Those of us with older DC seem to get asked even more because our kids are not as demanding anymore. As if that means we’re suddenly available. As if we didn’t already do our time. As if we are now the default helpers just because we are not dealing with nappies or tantrums all day.
I don’t even mind helping sometimes. I just hate that it’s the default. That caring is treated as women’s work. That at Christmas when everyone is meant to relax, the women are constantly on alert while the men get an actual break.
It’s so normalised that no one even notices it happening.
Yes I know some men are amazing and look after their DC really well and some people always go to the men first to ask for help. I am just talking about what I see quite regularly.