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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I overreact?

16 replies

DieByTheSword · 24/12/2025 15:59

I've NC as i feel a little bit silly and overdramatic here but also a bit confused by how i feel. I will try to keep it short as i can so TIA if you do manage to read it all and offer some advice.

I am currently in the rocky stages of a fairly new 1y relationship. The trust has dwindled over recent weeks along with any sort of emotional engagement. After a mutually agreed week apart for some thinking space, we spent last night together talking and trying to resolve our issues.
This went well until we ended up having sex (Issue number 1). For me, it was probably one of the best intimate moments we have had... However, he didn't finish, yet acted like he did. He then proceeded instigated 3 more times and all were clear he was faking it (it was obvious as it was quite a showy performance ifywim). On the last attempt I was getting a bit upset by this and told him to stop doing it. He did, apologised and asked if I trusted him. No idea why but i said no and went to sleep.

Issue number 2, this morning he asked if we could go out and spend the day together with it being christmas eve. I agreed. On the bus he bumped into a female friend he claimed I knew (i didnt), they briefly spoke until she got off the bus. It later transpired that he had spent the rest of the bus journey messaging her and became overly to keen to make her aware she had left something on the bus when we were getting off. This put a sour taste in my mouth and linked with the issues from the previous night and recent trust issues, i simply just turned around and went back home. I have also blocked him completely.

If im honest I think this highlights that our relationship is dead, I cant help thinking there's something sketchy going on, perhaps not with the bus girl but something doesn't feel right (he has always denied this is the case). Have I overreacted here?

OP posts:
Pashazade · 24/12/2025 16:27

No relationship, if it’s right, should be in rocky stages at less than a year. You’ve binned him off, so be done, raise your bar, enjoy Xmas without him and best foot forward in the new year.

Arlanymor · 24/12/2025 16:31

Things are only rocky in the first year if there are external factors at play, such as employment issues, housing issues, bereavements, etc. But if it's rocky because there are trust issues or jarring personality types/behaviours then it means it is not the relationship for you. Also one year isn't 'fairly new' when it comes to whether or not the two of you are compatible. It sounds as if you aren't and you know that, but are seeking a bit of validation from this forum?

Paisleybuddy · 24/12/2025 16:31

I think you’ve perhaps overreacted by blocking him, before either phoning or messaging him to explain how you feel and why you’re ending the relationship which given you don’t trust him is the right call as without trust there is no relationship. After a year he deserves at least an explanation.

Silverbirchleaf · 24/12/2025 16:34

This relationships has run its course, so just end it and move on.

AutumnLeeves · 24/12/2025 16:38

Doesn’t sound like either of you were ‘the one’ for the other person.

Move on.

Baffy11 · 27/12/2025 20:40

Why block? After 1 year you owe him an explanation. Grown ups use our words.

Papyrophile · 27/12/2025 20:56

Sex is the glue that papers the cracks after 6 months romancing. Unless it is wonderful, I would be a bit critical.

Marieb19 · 27/12/2025 20:57

You may well ha e over reacted but you don't trust him and have blocked him. It's done, move on.

emziecy · 27/12/2025 22:37

DieByTheSword · 24/12/2025 15:59

I've NC as i feel a little bit silly and overdramatic here but also a bit confused by how i feel. I will try to keep it short as i can so TIA if you do manage to read it all and offer some advice.

I am currently in the rocky stages of a fairly new 1y relationship. The trust has dwindled over recent weeks along with any sort of emotional engagement. After a mutually agreed week apart for some thinking space, we spent last night together talking and trying to resolve our issues.
This went well until we ended up having sex (Issue number 1). For me, it was probably one of the best intimate moments we have had... However, he didn't finish, yet acted like he did. He then proceeded instigated 3 more times and all were clear he was faking it (it was obvious as it was quite a showy performance ifywim). On the last attempt I was getting a bit upset by this and told him to stop doing it. He did, apologised and asked if I trusted him. No idea why but i said no and went to sleep.

Issue number 2, this morning he asked if we could go out and spend the day together with it being christmas eve. I agreed. On the bus he bumped into a female friend he claimed I knew (i didnt), they briefly spoke until she got off the bus. It later transpired that he had spent the rest of the bus journey messaging her and became overly to keen to make her aware she had left something on the bus when we were getting off. This put a sour taste in my mouth and linked with the issues from the previous night and recent trust issues, i simply just turned around and went back home. I have also blocked him completely.

If im honest I think this highlights that our relationship is dead, I cant help thinking there's something sketchy going on, perhaps not with the bus girl but something doesn't feel right (he has always denied this is the case). Have I overreacted here?

No you haven't overreacted. Fuck that, sounds awful to me and I'd be long gone. I'm pretty sure you deserve better 💞

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 27/12/2025 22:46

Paisleybuddy · 24/12/2025 16:31

I think you’ve perhaps overreacted by blocking him, before either phoning or messaging him to explain how you feel and why you’re ending the relationship which given you don’t trust him is the right call as without trust there is no relationship. After a year he deserves at least an explanation.

Agree

BuildbyNumbere · 27/12/2025 23:52

You’ve been together a year and it like this?!? Walk away!

angelfacecuti75 · 28/12/2025 01:18

I think the words I immediately thought of were "trust your gut it's usually right". Either there is someone else , he is thinking about it or he's bot for you as you just don't trust him . Either way ....enjoy the break off for Xmas. Heal yourself with ice-cream and an Xmas movie binge.

Patchworkquilts · 28/12/2025 02:28

YABVU to block him. You owe him an adult explaination. Blocking is just being childish.

For the rest: you clearly don’t feel happy with him. That’s enough to not want to be in a relationship with him.
impossible to say whether you can or cannot trust him. It sounds like you’re desperately trying to find reasons to make him sound awful, but you don’t have to. It’s enough to just no longer be happy in a relationship. You don’t have to go in search of things to make him look like a horrible person. But please do behave like an adult, he deserves to be told, not blocked.

Kimura · 28/12/2025 04:21

Just blocking someone you've been in a relationship with for that length of time is incredibly childish. Be a grown up and have a conversation.

I don't understand your issue with the bus thing. She left something and he was trying to tell her that she'd left something? Why would he do anything else?

You're a year in and - rightly or wrongly - you're suspicious of his fidelity to the point that it's making you question normal interactions. It's clearly not going to work.

XWKD · 28/12/2025 04:26

Blocking is childish.

PloddingAlong21 · 28/12/2025 08:57

Blocking is ridiculous and childish. You owe him grown up words - you’ve both given a year of your time.

However the rest is indicative this isn’t the right relationship and time to call it quits - with words.

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