I hate Christmas Eve *[Content warning: concerns attempted rape]

[Stressedoutmummyof3]

i hate Christmas Eve. Have done ever since I was 17 (now in my 40s). I really feel I should get past it. On the Christmas Eve I was 17 my brother's friend tried to rape me. l got away before he actually did but it was a terrifying experience.
Every year this so called friend comes to my parents house and is made to feel like a member of the family. I hate it.
Last year I messaged him begging him not to come to my parents house anymore on Boxing day. He didn't come last year but I've found out he's coming again this year and I'm beyond tears. How can he keep doing this to me? I know I should tell everyone what happened but I can't. It sounds pathetic when it was so long ago.
I just hate the fact that he seems to have moved on but every Christmas has been ruined for me.
This year is particularly hard as it's the first Christmas without my mum so I can't cope with seeing him too.
Give me the strength to get through another Christmas please.

I’m hoping someone will send you a message here with some genuinely helpful advice on how to deal or cope or respond to this situation. I’m so sorry you’ve had this to go through this for so long. He’s vile and knows what he’s doing. Thinking of you.

It’s not pathetic at all, it’s a terrible thing that happened to you. Have you ever tried therapy?

If you really don’t think you can tell your family what happened, and therefore ask them not to invite him anymore, is there a way you can arrange to be out while he’s there? Assuming he comes for Boxing Day only, can you spend Christmas Day there, but meet with friends or just go shopping or something on Boxing Day? If he’s a friend of your brother’s, there’s nothing to say you have to be around to greet him.

I think this is so awful 😞 I'm so sorry that you have been dealing with it for so long. Of course you're not being unreasonable. Have you had any therapy to address your very understandable feelings? Can you talk to your family and say that for reasons you don't want to go into, you don't feel comfortable seeing him so you will not be staying for Boxing Day? Or just make an excuse to leave before he comes? You don't have to put yourself through more trauma just to make other people in your family feel comfortable. Prioritise yourself please, you are important 💐

You need to tell your family. Your brother will be horrified.

You have nothing to be ashamed about

Not sure what you're hoping to achieve from this post..advice, reassurance?

If you can't tell your family, what other choices are left but to grin and bear it??

You can only control yourself, not other around you.

Just looking for people to support me through a horrible time, that's all I know it's all down to me but I hate Christmas now. I try to pretend for my kids but it's hard pretending. I'm really struggling with my mum dying and now with him deciding to come Boxing day has made me feel even worse and sadder.

Hi OP, I responded in the first place hoping it would prompt others with similar experiences to offer advice. This has struck such a chord with me, but for very different reasons related to Christmas. Please keep posting your feelings on here. I’ve found that the older I’ve got, the less I care about keeping quiet and ‘upsetting’ others with the truth…

I’m sorry, I managed to click the YANBU option by complete accident and can’t seem to undo it. But you are not being unreasonable at all. You poor thing, I can totally understand why you feel like this.

OP, how are you doing?

I got through yesterday by ignoring him and watching my DDs like a hawk because I'm terrified of the same thing happening to them. He was trying to chat to me like nothing had ever happened between us but I walked away.

I'm so glad it's over but am considering making different plans for next year.

I’m glad it’s over for you too. It’s like the old adage says - you can’t control what other people say or do, but you can control how you react. Or word’s to that effect. You shouldn’t have to stay away, but I think in your shoes I wouldn’t go knowing he’d be there.

I’ve stayed away from some events because someone who’d done a lot of damage to me was going to be there. Nothing like your experience, but I felt I could control my feelings that way. I was conspicuous by my absence. Other people spotted I was missing. Many of them worked out why.

I hope the New Year brings you strength and some resolution.