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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.....to feel sorry for myself this Christmas

7 replies

AlteFrau · 24/12/2025 01:46

My mother died unexpectedly late November. For various reasons her funeral won't be till after Christmas, so it is hanging over me. A close friend died three days ago. In the New Year I will have to clear her flat.

My husband, who said he wanted to support me, has now retreated to bed with a virus. He has been unwell for 5 or 6 days and does not seem to be making much progress, though he has gone into the garden to check on a water feature he installed a couple of times.

Before that he got ill he did ask how I was feeling a few times, but otherwise carried on as usual. Normally we share cooking and getting ready for Christmas. But this year I have sorted all the decorations, food shopping and made every meal. I am sleeping badly because of the shock of dealing with these deaths and am tired. I have missed a work related deadline.

This afternoon an electrical fault related to some recent building work on the kitchen meant there is no light in the area where we will be eating our Xmas dinner.

I found my husband just sitting there passively at 4.15 pm. He hadn't though to tell me or ring the electrician. I did ring, but got an answering machine. I rang the builder but no one will come to the New Year.

I feel that I do not have the strength to cope with all this.

A spa day wouldn't help.

OP posts:
Winterburn · 24/12/2025 01:48

Sorry, that does sound like a bad time 😞

EBearhug · 24/12/2025 01:50

Any one of those things is challenging. Dealing with it all at once is particularly crap. I hope you get a bit of a break soon.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 24/12/2025 01:51

So sorry, that all sounds shit, and your DH should be supporting you better, virus or no virus!
I hope somehow you manage to have a decent Christmas. Wishing you all the best

suburberphobe · 24/12/2025 01:55

Are you afraid to leave your husband?

He sounds pretty useless.

Death of friends or family often sharpen minds in order to live our best lives.

endofthelinefinally · 24/12/2025 01:58

I am so sorry for your loss.
My son died almost 10 years ago.
We just don't do Christmas any more.
It is fine.
Be kind to yourself and consider what is absolutely necessary and only do that.
We will have lunch with our surviving children, raise a glass to their brother, go for a walk.
Flowers

AlteFrau · 26/12/2025 12:31

Update.

Temporary fix for dodgy light.
Husband definitely on the mend.
Very enjoyable and successful Christmas day.
(Felt all of us needed some ordinary enjoyment of food/films/games/conversation etc to build self up before funeral on the 30th.)

OP posts:
AwkwardatChristmas · 26/12/2025 16:49

That's great, OP. And I hope you have a more peaceful new year.

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