Men and cancelling/rescheduling dates

[Sunshine386]

How many chances do you give men in online dating to cancel and reschedule dates? I am talking about the first two or three dates. I've had people bail out because of being busy with work, illness. They try to reschedule which I accept to an extent, but in the back of my mind I think it could potentially signal work obsession or underlying issues of avoiding dating and general commitments. I also don't particularly want to block out time for people who cancel.

I recently had a first date with someone who had cancelled the first date because he was unwell, we rescheduled the first date for a work night, but he had to leave after about an hour because of something he had to do with his car the next day, I mean does it really matter if you miss out on an extra hours sleep for once?! Then he cancelled the second date on the same day due to coming down with a cold and asked to reschedule. I agreed but it's mildly annoying. This is a man of 40 with no kids. do interested people and those who are driven to find a relationship do this?

I often find when people are giving reasons like illness and work being busy that it's often that they're not really ready for a relationship or dating

They get one strike then after that they’re out.

I think they’re that flaky early on they’re setting the tone to continue letting you down so why bother?

Abd if it’s OLD they’re probably cancelling because they had another date anyway.

I certainly wouldn’t have given your man another chance after he made an excuse to leave after an hour - that’s a delete and block imo

True, to be fair though I have cancelled and asked to reschedule myself before, not with this man though. I also only do it once if its been necessary though, because otherwise I think if you keep doing it then it looks like you are messing them about and people get fed up.

It’s difficult because whilst each excuse is entirely plausible on its own, when 9 blokes grandmothers have died, it’s difficult to believe the 10th.
so, to answer your question, once. Then it’s on him to reorganise the next date. No more chances after that.

The same man rescheduled date one because he was sick and cancelled date two because he was sick? I have a low tolerance for sickly people so I'd be annoyed. Id have assumed the leaving after an hour on date one was an excuse as he wasn't enjoying it. But then he went for date two - which he cancelled... Odd. Id bin this one off.

I don't think rescheduling once is a bad thing - we've all done it. And at that stage of dating you don't really owe anyone anything other than being decent about it.

They can have one second chance, because life does get in the way sometimes.

But only one. I'd be particularly unimpressed by the car thing - surely he knew about that when rescheduling? And if he didn't, he could just suck ot up - I suspect he would have, if he were really keen.

I’d assume he wasn’t that into me. You can do better, OP.

He's not that into you. (To quote the Sex and the City episode). It's true. If they cancel, that would be it. Don't waste your time.

If someone cancelled more than once because they were ill, that would suggest to me that they might have ongoing health issues. I am kind and helpful to friends and family who have health issues because I care about them. But of all the available people to choose to get to know, I wouldn't choose someone who had health issues. That looks harsh written down, but why would you?

Similarly, when someone shows me that their job is so unpredictable and demanding that they can't commit to anything in their free time, I walk away. Having to work that way spoils even established relationships over time, so again, why set out on something that is going to be disappointing and doomed to failure.

But with this situation I think the person is a bit arrogant because there is the assumption that the other person should tolerate it because either they believe they are such a catch the person should be grateful for the times they do show up; or that the other person isn't worthy of anything more. Even if they don't think that way and are just hoping to find someone who doesn't mind being left at a loose end at the last minute, I think they are being selfish if they don't make it very clear when they first start talking. They would probably find few takers and realise they aren't in a position to be dating at that time.

Well it depends if i had to cancel i would expect as much understanding as I would give to another person, so it works both ways if I wasn't interested I wouldn't play games but be honest so again expect the same in return

I love the phrase “If he wanted to, he would”.

I would assume he’s really not that bothered so move onto the next.

Acting keen but having lots of last minute excuses would make me think he was married.

I would tolerate one cancellation/reschedule then bin him off. At best, it indicates someone who complicates social arrangements, which I find draining in general. Next level, they're someone who allows themselves to be too busy with other things to focus on a relationship. Then worst, they're not that into you and are stringing you along while they check out other options. None of these are appealing qualities.

Are you sure he’s not married?

I think you’ve given him enough chances. Time to block and move on

So he cancelled the first date because he felt ill then on the rescheduled date, made an excuse to leave after an hour.
He then cancelled the next date saying he had a cold - why on earth are you giving this time waster the time of day?

If men want to meet you, they will. Stop giving low effort half arsed men a chance.

Agree about the work thing, I switch off when I hear that because everyone has work and it makes me think why are those people on there. I also think some of the men who have been single a while have got fairly used to it and doing their own thing, which impacts on this being busy

Well I has wondered this but also was trying to give the benefit of the doubt because its over the Xmas period. At the very least I wondered if this is one of the reasons he's single, because he does this to other people.

Now? They get once chance them I am out.

When I was young and stupid they got chance after chance after chance. But doing that I learned a man who kept cancelling simply
was not that into me

If he’d cancelled twice then had to leg it after an hour I’d assume he was married.

Ok so this one is a non starter. Cancel first date fine, life happens. But to cut a date short because of some silly reason then to cancel the second date? Sorry, this just tells me he’s just not that into you.

I agree, plus there does seem to be some men who like the chat and attention, but can't be bothered with actual dating. They're just time wasters if you're looking for a relationship.

The cancellation of the first date and its rearrangement was because he was feeling unwell the next day after some work do. I guess it's Christmas and people go out drinking so I gave benefit of the doubt. however I was surprised that he told me the truth, I would probably have made up another excuse had I been hungover because I would be thinking it wouldn't look very good.

Yes it is odd to end a date at 9pm because you have an early morning. I think some men don't realise you really have to be on your best behaviour on dates and put some effort in. Im just wondering if he's a bit of a wet lettuce type who puts in bare minimum effort and is quite casual aboit seeing someone, although his dating profile states clearly that he's looking for long term, very odd 🤔

Women are just as flaky, we have to deal with this all the time, only, the excuses are usually obvious lies.