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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I broke up with my partner - I found hair in his bed and bathroom

20 replies

SmileWithStyle · 23/12/2025 23:02

Hey! So I broke up with my partner today. I'm 43, he's 46. We'd been seeing each other since August. He is not currently working and lives at home with his two sons with short brown hair.
I was at his house sleeping over on Sunday night and noticed some long blonde hairs on the toilet seat in his en-suite bathroom. I asked him about it and he said he wasn't seeing anyone else, he re-assured me, he wasn't sure where they came from, he was out on Saturday night and the pub was busy, so maybe some hairs on his jumper? So I believed him, that can happen right? So I put it to the back of my mind and we had a nice evening and I stayed over - what an idiot! The next morning, after having sex the night before and in the morning, I noticed long blonde hairs in his bed and on a pillow. He was in the shower.
I just got ready and left because what is there to say?
I was thinking about what to do and decided I'm not putting up with that. I've been really clear about what I'm looking for with him and he said, multiple times, he was keen to give it a proper go and be together. I'd asked him to come over on Monday night for a chat but he was busy. So I broke up with him earlier on today via text - know that's a shitty thing to do, but I didn't want to give him the opportunity to talk his way out of it. I feel like I deserve better than that, and I feel like he'd already lied to my face. He didn't deny it either in his response, which makes me think it's true. A 46 year old fuck boy!
Just booked an STI testing kit from the NHS, so that'll be fun.
So did I overreact? What would you have done in the situation?

OP posts:
PrivateCry · 23/12/2025 23:04

Good for you, @SmileWithStyle. This is 💯 the right thing to do.

suburberphobe · 23/12/2025 23:06

He is not currently working and lives at home with his two sons

This would have me running for the hills just there.

suburberphobe · 23/12/2025 23:08

Because he will be seeing you as taking care of the 3 of them for ever more....

beadystar · 23/12/2025 23:10

Unemployed, two kids… and a lying cheater. Thank your stars this loser only took up a few months of your life.

Theslummymummy · 23/12/2025 23:12

Not at all, he's a cheating twat.

iamnotalemon · 23/12/2025 23:15

suburberphobe · 23/12/2025 23:06

He is not currently working and lives at home with his two sons

This would have me running for the hills just there.

Agreed!

villamariavintrapp · 23/12/2025 23:17

I guess he might not be cheating.. maybe he just hasn't changed his sheets since august.. doesn't make him any more of a catch though!

Sally2791 · 23/12/2025 23:17

Luck you are out of that one

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 23:17

YANBU. Far from it. You have been really intelligent and sensible - you saw the hairs in the bathroom, didn't do anything hasty, but having seen them in both the bathroom AND the bed/pillow you sensibly broke up with him, and now you're protecting your health by getting tested. I think you handled it brilliantly.

By him not denying it when you broke up with him, sadly I think you were right about it all.

Well, what a stupid, stupid man. He had someone who loved him and was true to him, and he threw it away for casual sex. He'll have plenty of time to repent at leisure.

Meanwhile, you are a STAR! You know what you want and you won't put up with any of this nonsense from men. Better to be single for a thousand years than put up with someone who does this to you.

I've been single for a long time after a long marriage, and the more time you spend single, the less likely it is that you'll put up with a relationship that makes you feel crap, imo. So maybe spend some time being single? You don't have to live like a nun. I have a good male friend whom I sleep with sometimes.

What a rotten thing to happen right before Christmas. I send you cyber-hugs ((((SmilewithStyle))))

People who are in a relationship but sleep with someone else...there's something wrong with them, there really is. Especially when it's not a situation where someone is totally trapped due to kids/finances and has been neglected for years. Not that that makes it OK, but at least it's probably more desperation-based than down to psychopathy.

You're the normal one, OP, not him. There's something seriously wrong with his empathy levels or his attachment style to do this.

I have found that the quickest way to get over someone is a clean break. No contact at all.

I know you ordered at at-home testing kit, but perhaps you should go to a clinic for whatever tests aren't included. I also think that in-clinic tests for things like chlamydia and gonorrhea might be more accurate? I'd look into it and make sure you're doing the best thing for your health. Maybe you should take PrEp? Get an HIV test, anyway.

Better times ahead and better people to meet, OP. You're a winner for taking decisive action. I'm impressed!!!

SmileWithStyle · 23/12/2025 23:28

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 23:17

YANBU. Far from it. You have been really intelligent and sensible - you saw the hairs in the bathroom, didn't do anything hasty, but having seen them in both the bathroom AND the bed/pillow you sensibly broke up with him, and now you're protecting your health by getting tested. I think you handled it brilliantly.

By him not denying it when you broke up with him, sadly I think you were right about it all.

Well, what a stupid, stupid man. He had someone who loved him and was true to him, and he threw it away for casual sex. He'll have plenty of time to repent at leisure.

Meanwhile, you are a STAR! You know what you want and you won't put up with any of this nonsense from men. Better to be single for a thousand years than put up with someone who does this to you.

I've been single for a long time after a long marriage, and the more time you spend single, the less likely it is that you'll put up with a relationship that makes you feel crap, imo. So maybe spend some time being single? You don't have to live like a nun. I have a good male friend whom I sleep with sometimes.

What a rotten thing to happen right before Christmas. I send you cyber-hugs ((((SmilewithStyle))))

People who are in a relationship but sleep with someone else...there's something wrong with them, there really is. Especially when it's not a situation where someone is totally trapped due to kids/finances and has been neglected for years. Not that that makes it OK, but at least it's probably more desperation-based than down to psychopathy.

You're the normal one, OP, not him. There's something seriously wrong with his empathy levels or his attachment style to do this.

I have found that the quickest way to get over someone is a clean break. No contact at all.

I know you ordered at at-home testing kit, but perhaps you should go to a clinic for whatever tests aren't included. I also think that in-clinic tests for things like chlamydia and gonorrhea might be more accurate? I'd look into it and make sure you're doing the best thing for your health. Maybe you should take PrEp? Get an HIV test, anyway.

Better times ahead and better people to meet, OP. You're a winner for taking decisive action. I'm impressed!!!

Thanks so much. I needed to hear this. I've been second guessing myself all day if this was the right thing to do.
I'm obviously disappointed by the way I've been treated, I was hoping that we had more of a future together but obviously not.
I've blocked him and we are no longer Facebook friends.
The home test kit has a HIV test in there too, fingers crossed it's clean.
With regards to his job, he got a big pay off when he was made redundant and has been looking for work, so he's not financially unstable and I'm not paying for anything to do with him.
I'm so glad we didn't meet children etc.
Thanks again, I really appreciate your comment - definitely going to be single for a while.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/12/2025 23:42

Just a thought but how old are his sons?

BruhWhy · 23/12/2025 23:44

The fact he's had sex with another woman in his bed and not even changed the sheets before he had you round is just SO grim.

You are well shot. Hope his jingle bells fall off.

SmileWithStyle · 23/12/2025 23:46

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/12/2025 23:42

Just a thought but how old are his sons?

They're 10 and 14. I've not met them. We met up on our Child Free days. He's not met my children either.

OP posts:
CAMHShelp · 23/12/2025 23:51

I found a blonde hair in DPs bed, just one hair. He just laughed it off and said it must haveon his clothes etc. Months later I found out he was sleeping with a blonde woman

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/12/2025 23:52

I only asked because they wouldn't be the first or last to have a sneaky sex session in their parents bed when parent wasn't there but given their ages it doesn't sound likely. You have done the right thing

Empress13 · 23/12/2025 23:55

suburberphobe · 23/12/2025 23:06

He is not currently working and lives at home with his two sons

This would have me running for the hills just there.

This ….

SmileWithStyle · 23/12/2025 23:55

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/12/2025 23:52

I only asked because they wouldn't be the first or last to have a sneaky sex session in their parents bed when parent wasn't there but given their ages it doesn't sound likely. You have done the right thing

😂😂 I'd never have thought of that. Yeah, definitely a bit young for sneaking into their dad's bed. They'd been with their mum all weekend too.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 23/12/2025 23:57

SmileWithStyle · 23/12/2025 23:55

😂😂 I'd never have thought of that. Yeah, definitely a bit young for sneaking into their dad's bed. They'd been with their mum all weekend too.

Oh you do get sexually active 14 year olds.

Theslummymummy · 24/12/2025 00:48

justasking111 · 23/12/2025 23:57

Oh you do get sexually active 14 year olds.

Yeah you do. But it just comes down to which is more likely.

SmileWithStyle · 09/01/2026 20:17

Hi all,
Thanks so much to everyone who commented. I really appreciate your input. I've not heard from my ex since - which is a good thing.
I just wanted to let you know that I got my STI test results today and they came back negative which is fantastic!
I feel like I've dodged a bullet there. Hoping for a positive 2026.
Thanks again xxx

OP posts:
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