To spend a few hundred quid on a sleep consultant?

[Witsendsleep]

DD is 18m, sleep has never been great and worsened recently. Will always wake in the night, anywhere from 2-5 hours after going down in cot and won’t self settle, just stands up and is then calm once picked up to come into our bed.

We’ve tried all sorts. DH dead against sleep consultant as feels it’d be a rip off but a local one has great reviews.

Has anyone tried it and had success?

What’s his alternative plan?

18 months is a long time to have broken sleep. You don’t want the child always needing to sleep in with you. Spend the money. It’s something for your and your DH’s sanity and health, and for the child’s wellbeing as they also need unbroken sleep. You can soldier on by yourself and you may get there eventually, but if you can speed up the process go for it. Good luck. Sleep deprivation/broken sleep is absolutely horrific.

I had a sleep consultant with my younger daughter who used to split her nights and be awake for 2-3 hours every night. Around 18 months I had had enough and paid for one - it was brilliant and it worked. It was fairly painstaking in terms of implementing the program and the first couple of nights were quite full on but it worked really quickly after that and I don’t regret a penny!

Save the money and co sleep.

Definitely money well spent. Sleep is important

Mine are a bit older now and sleep ok but they were terrible when they were younger. Out of interest, what did you do??

Not everyone wants a kid in there bed. Call me old fashioned but I actually like sleeping with my partner

We just co-slept at this age. If you are not happy to do that then I think a sleep consultant is a great idea

That’s normal baby behaviour, she is just doing what many toddlers do. If she goes back to sleep in your room that doesn’t sound bad, just cosleep.
I wouldn’t pay someone for this. You can look up sleep advice online for free. Plus TBH I know a couple of people who used various sleep consultants and it did work for a bit but then later down the line the kid got a cold or started potty training etc and the whole thing changed anyway.

The people I know who have used them have essentially been told to do cry it out/Ford routine... If you want to do that approach surely there's cheaper ways

I am an infant sleep constant and mum of 2.

Im an overly anxious mum that absolutely hates the sound of my baby crying (I know it most probably does the same to most!) but it makes me panic. I have ‘sleep trained’ both my children using a method I believe wholeheartedly in. Gentle and responsive. Make sure the consultants views align with yours and that you feel comfortable with their methods. Also if you want some tips just message me, always happy to help however I can ☺️ my insta is @hushbunnysleepy

Best money we ever spent. Twice. And cheaper than divorce.

All the so called consultants and experts basically do some kind of sleep training alongside daytime structuring of naps.
I loved a book called Baby Sleep Solution by Lucy Wolfe with eldest, but ultimately all of that works only a short time. Then either child is developmentally ready to sleep through which would've happened anyway, or the parents admit defeat and co sleep. We started cosleeping at 9m on and off for a few months. Last coslept with eldest from 23-28m. He's now absolutely fine in his own room alone. It's not forever. But you have to get some sleep tonight without worrying about the future.
Put a double mattress on baby's bedroom floor and take it in turns to go in there.

A colleague of mine struggled all the way to 3 years old and then got a sleep consultant. It completely changed her life and she actually had another child, which she thought she would never do before the sleep consultant. She was a lot more pleasant to work with afterwards and she always now says she wishes she had done it sooner.

Well it depends on the consultant I think
If they're giving you a method you could have just read up on yourself and implemented, then yes it's a waste of money. If they're going to support you in something personalised to you and your child, them go for it.

A friend of mine spent £350 to be told not to let them in bed with you in the middle of the night, have a clear night time routine, and to be strict about returning them to their own bed. I feel like they could have done that for free to be honest!

Ps, I see your husbands point on it not working and you wasting money. This was always a really big thing for me when I become a sleep consultant. I work on the basis that we discuss your goals prior to working together and we find a way to achieve them. We don’t stop until you’re happy. That might mean testing and trying different methods but we will get there in the end. So make sure you use someone who 1) has good reviews 2) has a decent support package (standard is 2/3 weeks- I don’t think you’ll find many - if any- that offer what I do, but 3 weeks is decent) 3) doesn’t insist on using one particular method incase this doesn’t work for your little one

I think my child is more important.

Put a rocking chair in her room and every time she wakes up, daddy goes in to give her a cuddle. He can sit with her for a little while if she's really upset. Mummy is asleep, but daddy's here to give you a cuddle. Ready to go back in your cot?

Will be tough but achievable, you just need to commit. She needs to know that she can't just come to your bed - if that's what you want.

They're always going through something, these poor kids. Teething, illness, separation anxiety - and most recently convinced that there are SPIDERS in his room and needs assuring that the spiders are all outside with their friends 🙄

Sorry I know it's tough, you sometimes can't see the wood for the trees when you're in the trenches.

Try that and then see if you still want to throw money around.

I’m not entirely sure what a sleep consultant can offer that you can’t find out on the internet with a bit of research tbh. But, if you can easily afford it, an independent viewpoint and advice might help. DS was 4 before he slept through the night, it was brutal at the time but it’s now a dim and distant memory. He started sleeping through once he was in a full size single. Turned out he just needed space. We’d tried everything by that point. I hadn’t joined the dots that when he slept at PILs in a full size single he slept fine. That won’t be the solution for every non sleeper, but I recommend it to everyone to try once they’re old enough to get out of a cot!

i think for a lot of people it’s having that guidance and reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. The internet can be really overwhelming for some and a lot of people like clear and simple instructions from someone they deem professional. But absolutely- in reality all the information is out there with a quick google!

I spent £200 on one and it was the best money I ever spent. We had ONE bad night of sleep training then he got it and has slept well since. We’ve had setbacks, but each time we just go back to basics with the sleep training and within a few nights he’s sleeping well again.

I did a lot of reading online. Problem was I read a lot of conflicting advice. Awake for 3 hours at bed time? Could be under tired, in which case, make the last nap shorter and earlier. Or, he could be overtired. In which case case make the last nap longer and later. Argh!!! How do I know which??

the one I used had me fill in a lengthy questionnaire and then asked follow up questions and was actually able to tell based on his behaviour and age/developmental stage what the likely issue was and what would probably work best. I found that worked a lot better than th guesswork I’d done from reading online.

£200 felt like a lot. Then, one night after I’d been sat in his room for an hour at 3am and he was still awake, I thought, I’d pay £200 just to be able to go to bed right now. Maybe I’ll pay it and it will fix the issue for more than one night? And it did.

Go for the consultant I'd say. I have recently taken on a declutterer and it's changed my life. You would think I could just sort my stuff into piles and get rid of it. Except I just can't do it on my own. Having someone come in to my home to support me has been a game changer. It might be just what you need, too.

Just buy Gina Ford book - it’s just a case of following a routine & a sleep consultant won’t really tell you anything different. We did from day one so they never really cried but perhaps it’s harder to bring in once they’re older.

https://amzn.eu/d/5Jv49DO

Do it. We did at 7 months as I was going mad with sleep deprivation and couldn’t cope with PND. Best £300 I ever spent and it worked in three nights. There are plenty of gentle methods to use. (Never just leave them to cry).

Are you both willing to follow the advice given? If not don’t waste your money