To think this is more savings than most couples? Or AIBU?

Friapp · 2025-12-23T14:37:01+00:00

If you have 60k in savings and an income that allows you to add to that each month, that’s surely more than most couples? In my family my sister is single and has been for a long time so she is often supported financially by everyone in lots of small ways but all the time… like she isn’t expected to get a round of drinks for example or she is not expected to get individual gifts for us at Christmas. I used to be on board with this and think it was fair but it turns out she has huge savings while we have less than 5k as a couple! Maybe we are unusual and IABU?

LuckyNumberFive · 23/12/2025 14:53

What she and you have in savings is irrelevant. You've obviously made very different choices.

My brother is single w/o kids, I don't expect him to fork out for presents for me, my partner, our two kids while he receives one in return. Instead he buys for my kids and I buy for him.

And about a round.. how many people? There's no obligation to buy a round you know. If you're unhappy with it just tell people you'll buy your own drinks. I never buy rounds (nor do I receive a drink from other people in theirs) because for what one round would cost me, as a non drinker, I could get twice as many drinks for myself. I'd rather not, it makes zero sense.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/12/2025 14:55

It’s a very decent amount of savings, yes. But you don’t have to be on board with buying her drinks or giving her presents without expecting one in return - get her to pay her way when you go out together, agree not to exchange presents with her if she doesn’t want to give any. Everyone else can do as they please.

ChristmasHug · 23/12/2025 14:58

What she had in savings is none of your business but it does tell you that she doesn't need financial support - why did you think she did? I'd be annoyed that she's been freeloading but unless you had good reason to suspect she was struggling it's on you for allowing it.

You can change now.

ShesTheAlbatross · 23/12/2025 14:59

What she and you have in savings is irrelevant

Its not if the family attitude is that her sister can’t possibly be expected to ever pay for anything and OP should instead.

My parents are like this. My very high earning sister was given £70k for a house deposit because she can’t possibly be expected to spend her own money. My other sister (married, and at the time pregnant) was made redundant and it was “oh that’s a shame” from my parents.

greenwithglee · 23/12/2025 15:02

The gifts thing is really misleading. You're expecting her to buy presents for you, partners and kids and get one back? It multiplies through the year with birthdays and the like too.

LuckyNumberFive · 23/12/2025 15:04

ShesTheAlbatross · 23/12/2025 14:59

What she and you have in savings is irrelevant

Its not if the family attitude is that her sister can’t possibly be expected to ever pay for anything and OP should instead.

My parents are like this. My very high earning sister was given £70k for a house deposit because she can’t possibly be expected to spend her own money. My other sister (married, and at the time pregnant) was made redundant and it was “oh that’s a shame” from my parents.

The family don't decide what the OP pays though, I'm sure she's a big girl and can tell her family that everyone can just buy their own drinks.

Original poster

Friapp · 23/12/2025 15:06

Yeah I do get it with gifts, she can’t really be expected to get everyone something so sometimes makes sense to get one bigger thing for a collector share or whatever.

i am more peeved that we have next to no savings (4,500) and she has got all that, yet she’s seen as struggling as it’s just her paying bills and what not. Just seems a bit like favouritism towards her

OP posts:

greenwithglee · 23/12/2025 15:11

Friapp · 23/12/2025 15:06

Yeah I do get it with gifts, she can’t really be expected to get everyone something so sometimes makes sense to get one bigger thing for a collector share or whatever.

i am more peeved that we have next to no savings (4,500) and she has got all that, yet she’s seen as struggling as it’s just her paying bills and what not. Just seems a bit like favouritism towards her

If she loses her job tomorrow then there is no money coming into the house. If you lose your job tomorrow there is still a wage packet coming in.

She has one safety net- her savings. You and your partner have 2 safety nets- one in each other, and another in your more modest savings. Don't underestimate how being part of a team helps you get through life's ups and downs.

MiddleAgedDread · 23/12/2025 15:11

it sounds like you've all made up this image of her struggling, does she plead poverty or hardship or are you all silently assuming this and subbing her??
it's expensive living on your own compared to as a couple though - on "essential" outgoings of nearly £1300 a month I reckon it costs me about £300 a month more to live on my own than if I lived with a partner. (I still have savings similar to her though!)

SoLongLuminosity · 23/12/2025 15:12

Out of interest, if a round is £20, when it's "your round", do you and DH buy twice?

Or do you pay once and go halves?

So are you paying £40 for the round because you each take a turn or do you, as a couple, take a turn and pay £20? Which between you is £10 each.

And you also have, for example, two kids, so sis is buying 4 drinks that aren't for herself vs two adults paying the cost of their own family and one extra drink for her.

Mamamia35 · 23/12/2025 15:15

Re buying rounds. Is it one of those situations where the couple become a unit and don’t buy individual rounds? I’ve been in this situation with many couples where they buy one round. It’s unfair if the single person has to buy you two drinks for her one. If that’s what’s happening here then it’s very easy to remedy by doing a kitty.

Christmaseree · 23/12/2025 15:17

Sounds like my SIL, she’s always said she can’t do a family weekend away for example so her siblings chip in her share, never buys a drink etc, siblings always cover her share of a restaurant bill and so on.
We were all a bit surprised when she recently bought a three bedroom house with cash and no mortgage.

tokennamechange · 23/12/2025 15:18

several different things

Savings - almost irrelevant really. By the time you start trying to account for the income/expenditure of every single family member (their age, cost of housing, whether they're single, whether they have kids, if they have a student loan, what job they do and how much they're paid, any other income, whether they're in receipt of any benefits, whether they have any debt) to work out what's "fair" you're on a hiding to nothing.

Gifts - I was the only single person in the family for ages and it does get a bit annoying being expected to shell out for full family gifts and getting maybe 1 thing back in exchange - or if you only do presents for kids then spending a small fortune on assorted nieces/nephews and getting literally nothing back at all.

Not buying a round because she's single - yeah tight of her tbh! What does she do when she's out with friends?
But surely easily sorted by everyone buying a round as individuals, not per household. e.g. you buy a round, she buys a round, your dp/dh buys a round, then back to you, rather than back to her.

Overthebow · 23/12/2025 15:19

Do you buy a round each when in a couple, or one round per couple? I would expect her to do a round if you each do one.

JHound · 23/12/2025 16:31

Friapp · 23/12/2025 15:06

Yeah I do get it with gifts, she can’t really be expected to get everyone something so sometimes makes sense to get one bigger thing for a collector share or whatever.

i am more peeved that we have next to no savings (4,500) and she has got all that, yet she’s seen as struggling as it’s just her paying bills and what not. Just seems a bit like favouritism towards her

I get this but also remember her situation is far more precarious than yours. If she falls ill / cannot work / loses her job there is no other support. Just her.

Also is it just the fact that she saves diligently and you don’t. I think it’s fair she does not get individual presents but as for rounds just agree what’s fair. As individuals is fair. As households is not.

Just speak up at the time. But if
other family members want to cover her honestly I think it’s none of your business.