Help with step kids

[Muminneedofhelp1989]

Help

I need peoples opinions/advice/help

On sunday I met my partners children for the first time. They are 2 and 6 years old. His little girl (aged 2) instantly took a shine to me, which tbh I’m not surprised about. I have a 4 year old niece and I’m very girly, I’m extremely animated and enthusiastic and enjoyed playing dollies with her and reading books to her etc. His son (aged 6) is autistic so not as social as the little girl but actually loved the game I got him for christmas, I made sure to get his favourite snacks in (oreos) so it was a hit with him too. I really loved having his kids around

I have twin boys that are nearly 16 years old, they also loved having the kids around, they were super excited to meet them. They’ve always wanted a little sister in particular so it’s like a little bonus. She’s quite wary around men and my boys are 6ft 3 and look like men but she instantly took a shine to them. The 6 year old also instantly took a shine to them and was sat in their rooms gaming with them and talking about pokemon etc. It really could not have gone better.

The issue came later on in the day. I’m struggling with fatigue and extremely low blood pressure atm so I’m getting worn out very easily and instantly feel unwell. His son was on his ipad and watching these videos on youtube. It’s difficult to explain the content of these videos other than they are just … noise. Like layer of noise that include an unrelated song, a bunch of sound effects and people shouting over each other. It’s also important to mention I have adhd (I am medicated, but still figuring out the right dose of lisdexamphetamine)
I mentioned to my partner that I was feeling a little overwhelmed and might need to take myself upstairs for a bit. By that point it was 7.30pm and he decided he was going to take them home instead and put them to bed (they fell asleep in the car)
The issue comes in that when he said that he went upstairs to pack his stuff up to go. He ended up taking HALF AN HOUR to gather his stuff up, brush his teeth, have a shower… and doomscroll on instagram for a bit…
Meanwhile I’m downstairs with the kids, feeling ill and overwhelmed with the noise of his sons ipad (I am fully aware and accepting though that with his autism these videos soothe him)

I have spoken to my partner since and told him that in those moments I need him to understand that I might need to remove myself from the situation if I get overwhelmed and that it doesn’t mean I love him and his kids any less. I just need to manage my own neurodivergence on my own. He’s absolutely fine with that. However I’m worried that this is a red flag for things to come. That I’m going to be expected to look after his small children while he doomscrolls upstairs. While I’m not being funny but my kids are older now and I feel like I’ve done my dues

What should I do? Is this a red flag? Should I talk to him? Should I wait to see how things develop? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

A huge red flag.
He's a selfish arsehole who is clearly looking fof a nanny with a fanny.
You having two teenagers that a kind being a bonus.

The selfishness of not leaving promptly is who he is.
Don't be another foolish women looking the other way.
His children were there too long.
He knew you were overwhelmed but took a shower and went on his phone?

He's a complete arsehole and he hasn't an ounce of respect for you.
Keep him the hell away from your sons.
Don't ruin their lives by allowing such an arsehole and his two children to use YOU and them, and their home.

Stepkids?
Get a grip.
Unbelievable.
I feel sorry for your sons.

Blunt but true.

They are not your step kids
Id definitely ask if his son can wear headphones
Why did he want a shower at your house before going home??

You and your kids are going to be caring for and in charge of his kids if you don't stop this in its tracks.

@MrsTerryPratchett has it dead on. This was an audition to see if you would pick up his slack (leaving his kids alone with you and yours to shower and be on the internet). That shouldn't have happened.

How long have you been with this guy?

We don’t know the circumstances as his ex may have finished with him, but if it was him, walking out on a baby and a ND preschooler was your first huge red flag.

Agree with this.

You're moving way to fast.
Your DP was taking the piss by showering at your house before returning home. He showed little respect to you knowing that you were feeling overwhelmed due to his DS.
What was his take on that?

Your own DC may have got on that one time but it doesn't necessarily mean that'll be like that at every meet in their home.

You should've met at your DP house or out at a park not your own place.

At least he has his own place so it's not as though you'll have to have them at yours all the time, unless of course you choose too.

Yes, this!

They’re not your step kids and you can’t possibly love them yet.

No need to interpret any of it as a red flag IMO but just take it very slowly. You’ve been together for (hopefully) a decent amount of time and have now introduced children. So the next step is just to keep on with the relationship, sometimes with children involved and often not, and NOT making any massive step like moving in together, getting engaged or planning another child. Just take it as it comes and if you are finding it too much being involved in the lives of his young children, then you know to end it.

Just because you’ve met them once doesn’t need to mean anything.

I don't get the living situation either. Does he live with you? In which case I don't know why he didn't take the children home to their mother first before returning to shower. I agree with other posters that it sounds like a very long day for the children going to their dads girlfriends house and meeting everyone for the first time.

You have met them once, they aren’t your step kids. He on the other hand has found himself a free babysitter.

Yep, a nanny with a fanny.

Agreed.
How can you love children that you have just met once?
A bit unhinged.
I think there is more than one red flag blowing if you actually believe the above and are calling children you have met once your stepkids.

I feel very sorry for your sons.