To be annoyed with myself re people pleasing?

[LilyDay]

People pleasing I think is a problem a lot of us have. I think people pleasing issues, in one way or another, contribute to at least half of the threads on mumsnet!

I remember looking back that when I was 12/13 I had no problem saying no to people in social situations - to party invitations or meals out etc - and I honestly didn’t care about the possible consequences of saying no - I guess I was quite thick skinned.

When I was 14 my mum called me ‘selfish’ for turning down a school friend’s party invitation and, to cut a long story short, the insult ‘selfish’ fell very badly.

After this i became a people pleaser and was seriously bullied and humiliated. Anything to avoid the label ‘selfish.’

AIBU to wish I’d stuck with my original self who could easily say no and not get into sticky situations?

Were you so busy at 14 that you couldn’t go to a friend’s party. God don’t blame your mother for calling you selfish at 14. She was advising you and probably trying to help you maintain friends at a difficult age.

How are you getting into sticky situations by saying yes. Own your decisions as an adult OP.

YANBU to wish that you'd stuck with your original self who could easily say no and not get into sticky situations. Family pressure sucks almost as much as people pleasing, and the two often go hand in hand (believe me, I know!).

Thankfully, I now live sufficiently far away to escape from some of the family pressure, and I have started to say no to people. It's quite liberating!