To ask for your tips on how to decompress after work whilst parenting

[Perfectos]

i returned to work full time (after years of part time) and its mostly been smooth, but I’m still struggling with after work routine. All the advice I can find by googling seems to be aimed at people without children/ parenting responsibilities in the evening, I was hoping parents on here might be able to share your experiences.

im 39, an introvert, i work full time in a stressful, technical job. However, im home by 5:30 - 6. I then have the usual after work activities (homework, dinner, clubs, clean up). I have 2 kids (10 & 13). They don’t need anyone to play with them, but they want lots of attention and chat all evening. However, my social battery and energy are completely drained by the evening, and all I want is to silently complete my evening tasks and go to bed! I feel so bad, as I don’t want them to think I don’t want to spend time with them, but they’re both really sociable and want to chat with me whilst I cook/ clean/ they do homework. I usually oblige unsatisfactorily, then I’m completely burnt out and end up doom scrolling or binging instead of going to bed.

I’ve tried meditating on my commute, listening to a podcast in one ear, asking for 10 mins alone time when we get in, but I just don’t decompress. I don’t want to wish this time with them away, very aware they may be monosyllabic teens soon.

has anyone cracked a way to decompress quickly and get a second wind for the evening?

I find having a very well-organised household timetable really settles me down. I have a wipeable magnetic board stuck on the kitchen fridge and every Saturday I draw a timetable for the week showing the meal plan, clubs, drop offs and pickups, bins going out, etc. Often I am up early to organise the evening meal before work so when I come home there is not much to do except heat and serve (usually I have table laid etc aiming for 15 mins to get food on plates).

Then homework after dinner (don’t they do that on their own now?!).

Give the kids some chores to do.

You definitely need to put the phone down - that won’t help. A proper physical book is a better way to wind down near bedtime - read it in the bath perhaps.

Also if you need a break from the chatter I suggest Chess or Scrabble. That’s shuts my kids up as they have to think and can’t jabber at me continuously, or the jabber is about whether I’m going to let them take back a move, or whether “bigly” is an acceptable scrabble word.

I’m not very organised! I do have the most energy in the mornings so I’ll often prep dinner then - tbh it’s not the tasks it’s the mental energy required to be present that kills me off. Summer is a little easier - it’s still light out so I usually detour by a park on the way home, the kids are happy and it decompresses me a bit. The board games are genius, I might replace with a complex puzzle so there is no thinking involved at all, and we love scrabble