To expect more emotional support from DH?

[GreenMango12]

2 months post partum with a reflux baby 23 month old, so 2 under 2. DH being practically supportive, wakes with the toddler, gives the baby bottle before bed so I can use that to tidy, have a shower etc. Toddler constantly wants mummy, has been fighting sleep at nap and bedtime, and generally acting out, which is understandable given the change of having a new sibling. Toddler melt down before bed, up way later than he should be, wants mummy, baby crying for a feed, needs mummy (am breastfeeding). I am finding it all very overwhelming, and today found myself reduced to tears. No acknowledgement from DH, no comfort, no attempt at a conversation even. He knows I was crying, he saw it, and toddler repeated the words mummy crying multiple times while he was in earshot. AIBU to expect more emotional support from DH?

Is it a case of if he acknowledges you crying he’ll have to step up more. So best to say nothing?

He is probably overwhelmed too. Two under 2 and a reflux baby is a living nightmare until things get better.

Possibly you are both in survival mode and he doesn't have a lot of bandwidth to give emotional support. Presumably he's a decent bloke because you've had two children with him, so I wouldn't start picking fights with each other when you are in the trenches. Nobody is perfect.

Having been there myself with two close in age it is hard. But I think you need to take a step back here and think what realistically did you want to happen. Him to give a few nice words? If that had been me feeling emotional and overwhelmed and being the only one to deal with the kids I probably would have ended up snapping at my DH so maybe he didn't know what to say or do. If you are breastfeeding he cant take the baby from you (you might get annoyed if he suddenly swiped them away saying they are hungry). Likewise if he suddenly took the toddler who you say wants mummy, you would probably also feel sad he was taking them from you when they wanted you and already feel pushed out.
It sounds like he is being helpful when he can as you do mention he gives the baby a bottle, helps when he is home from work.

Sounds like both of you are doing a lot. DH is great with practical things but for emotional support I sometimes need to tell him why I am upset and what I need him to say or do. So you could try saying “I am finding this overwhelming. Can you tell me I am doing a good job, this is going to be ok and give me a hug.”

Such a tough time, lack of sleep is the worst. Just keep talking to him about how you feel, he will be overwhelmed too, It sounds like he is mucking in as much as he can with the practical stuff albeit the children want their mummy, this in itself can be hard on dads who feel a bit useless at times.

This stage with two DC a really hard and your eldest is still very young. You’re both tired and overwhelmed. It sounds like he is pulling his weight practically, but it’s a tough time for him too and you are both just surviving.