To think DH has his priorities wrong?

[CraftyMadre]

I overheard my DH tell someone I hate Christmas. I don’t, but I do feel the joy has been sucked out of it being the person who actually organises it. He hasn’t bought one present for our children. I’ve booked us into the local pub for Christmas Day lunch (which felt almost impossible to do, and meant sending an email at a ridiculous time in the morning to get), booked panto tickets, ordered food, extended invites to parents etc.
He’s currently driven off to a town over an hour away to get his nephews present, whilst I stay at home to wrap all the presents up. It’s taken me almost three hours, and I still haven’t finished yet - I’ve run out of sellotape. He’s trailing around shops to get him some random gift. He didn’t even want to attend his birthday event earlier in the year because he can’t bear being in some of his family’s company (usual family politics).
FYI, was very recently diagnosed with menopause and so not sure if this rage is the menopause, or just rightly justified 🤪

YANBU. I was the same. Last year I said I’m not doing this anymore so this year DH has literally had to do everything. I think by new year I won’t be hearing him complain anymore.

Well yeah of course it's justified. If he wants you to be able to enjoy Christmas he needs to do some of the work doesn't he?

Christmas very easily tips into a massive long list of hateful chores for the person who does the organising. YADNBU but I also think if you haven’t ever done it for several years in a row it’s hard to understand why it’s so fucking awful. I love Christmas when I don’t have to do much work for it.

I usually put the tree up too, but nearer to Xmas. The children wanted it up earlier and he said ‘mum says no’. I had to explain to him that I have no problem with it going up earlier, as he could always do it himself for them! He took the hint and got it out of storage, and then had the cheek to say to me ‘I did the tree’ when I told him I was stressed with Christmas a week or so ago 🤪

It is such a long list! I’m going to start writing it down now and pass it onto him for next year. I’ve already given up organising presents for his family, which was usually money/gift cards, and now he’s gone on some wild goose chase across the county!

My kids are teen and I've recruited them this year and it's made things so much easier.

The thing is, often women are our own worse enemies and we almost martyr ourselves trying to make Christmas “perfect” for everyone. we shouldn’t accept a live-in life-partner doing as little as so many men do.
Nowadays, I’m a single parent and many of the things I used to focus on for the time of year (major amount of homemade baking, pristine house etc) have gone by the wayside but the children and I enjoy our time together so much. Nobody in the house is marking me down or thinking I’m a failure for not doing these things. We keep things pretty simple!

Absolutely agree. Quite a few years back now I delegated the Christmas food and cooking to DH, and I do everything else. It works well for us and neither of us needs to complain. I’m damned if I’m going to tie myself in knots while he gets to sit around and do nothing.

I don’t care about making it perfect for everyone, just my children and if I didn’t bother, nobody else would. It’s infuriating. I still do all Christmas shopping and lunch. My ex will be coming as we still have Christmas as a family but he won’t get me a gift as we’ve ’split up’. Nothing for cooking him a big dinner and organising presents for his kids at all. Sometimes I bloody hate him. But he’s gone now mostly. Thank god!