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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas obligation

9 replies

Allthatglitters13 · 22/12/2025 14:47

Aibu to wonder why people put themselves through hell, travelling all over the place/visiting obnoxious family or bending over backwards to cater to family who won’t compromise at Christmas?

Every year on here you see it and I see it in real life too.

I know someone who visits her in laws every other year. She ends up in tears because she doesn’t want to go. Apparently their house is freezing, filthy with animal poo everywhere. She and her husband have to drive around half the day picking up various relatives. They have to drag their young children away from their toys. Then, when they get there the host hasn’t even started dinner and gets them involved in peeling potatoes and veg, there’s never enough food and they don’t eat until very late.

They are friends of ours and dh and I suggested that they just don’t go anymore. Invite the in laws to stop by at theirs. But she wouldn’t hear of it. She feels obliged to go.

A lot of people think dh and I are selfish because we spend Christmas Day at home. We always say that people are welcome to pop round for a drink and a mince pie, and we make sure that we do see everyone at some point over the holidays.

Obviously if you enjoy a big family gathering and it suits you then that’s wonderful, but I’m talking about people who don’t want to go out, but feel forced.

Aibu to think that, especially when you e young children you should do what pleases yourself?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 22/12/2025 14:50

YANBU

I've never understood it. I've always had nice Christmases because I spend them with people I like who are nice to me! I just wouldn't spend Christmas (or any time) with people who make me miserable.

Just say no!

LuckyNumberFive · 22/12/2025 14:54

I have no sympathy for martyrs. Such a shame for their children.

Allthatglitters13 · 22/12/2025 15:02

Well when I was a child we always had Christmas Day in our own house, same for dh. Grandparents sometimes came to us.

I honestly think that those who ruin their own day for the sake of pleasing others will end up regretting it.

OP posts:
Purplewarrior · 22/12/2025 15:26

Some people just love being a martyr. I don’t get involved. No “poor you.” It’s a choice.

redskydelight · 22/12/2025 15:31

I think people that do this sort of stuff generally do so "to keep the peace" because family relationships are not that great, but they feel obliged to make an effort because "Christmas" and to avoid the temper tantrums.

People with reasonable families, that they like spending time with, never seem to have these sorts of issues anyway.

SatsumaCandlesCloves · 22/12/2025 16:14

Well we do it our way now but we had years of pressure ,door stepping , endless calls etc from various people so it wasn't easy getting to this stage.

But yes it's madness !

MimiGC · 22/12/2025 18:28

It’d be a cold day in hell before I dragged my kids to spend Christmas in a cold house with dog poo everywhere. And I wouldn’t care which relatives I upset. Ridiculous.

MaggieBsBoat · 22/12/2025 18:31

I have a miserable Xmas every year because my DH is an only child and is obliged and loyal. I as his wife am obliged to support him. In the grand scheme of things it’s not a massive deal and he’s my husband an do love him. One day these people will die…if I go first he may have some regrets.

Bex5490 · 22/12/2025 19:36

It depends.

Totally with you on not visiting anyone with a dog poo house regardless of the season…

I always take the kids to my grandma’s on Christmas morning where we’re subjected to a pretty awful breakfast.

But she’s 95 and hosted Christmas for years. She was a brilliant Mum, an excellent grandma and I feel like she’s put the work in to not have to spend Christmas alone.

But we leave by 2pm, head home for a proper dinner and enjoy the rest of the day in peace 🤷🏽‍♀️

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