Would you assume that this person thought I was elderly?

Keepingitsimple101 · 2025-12-22T13:33:13+00:00

I’m early 40s and I was in the supermarket this morning. I’m pretty sure that I look about my age. I was choosing a dessert for Christmas and I was taking a while at the fridge (the sort of thing that drives me mad when other people do it). A woman politely asked me to move so that she could get into the fridge. She was shopping with her elderly nan. I apologised and moved, I joked that I was being one of those annoying people standing there for ages. She said “oh it’s ok don’t worry, my nan is exactly the same”. Was she comparing my age to her elderly nan or am I reading much into it? 🤣

Plump82 · 22/12/2025 13:33

You're reading too much into it

Christmaseree · 22/12/2025 13:36

She is simply stating that your behaviour that you pointed out to her is the same as her nans’s.

persisted · 22/12/2025 13:40

You're overthinking, but I'm the same!

A couple of weeks ago I was on a packed train, and stood next to a young woman who was seated. There was only one seat so there was a handy gap for me to stand in. I'm physically able and in my 40s, no issues with standing for an hour apart from it being a pain in the neck.
She very sweetly asked me if I was ok and if I wanted her seat. I said no thank you and spent the rest of the journey thinking about how crap I must look if she saw me as that old 😆.

Original poster

Keepingitsimple101 · 22/12/2025 13:48

I thought it was probably just something and nothing.

I’ve just become aware that I don’t look young anymore.

Im fine with looking my age but I’d be mortified if someone thought I was a pensioner.

OP posts:

Fransgran · 22/12/2025 13:50

It's odd how a comment from a random stranger can linger and curdle in the memory if one is remotely sensitive. When I was 8 months pregnant with child three, I was sitting by a hotel pool under a parasol, trying not to melt - it was August in Arizona. I was wearing sunglasses and maxi dress. A woman in the pool where my husband was splashing around with our two children got out and came over to tell me that my "little grandson's shoulders were getting a bit red and my son should make him put his tee shirt back on." She was about sixty with a complexion like leather. I was 31 with an unblemished skin. "My little grandson" is now 43 but I've never forgotton how upset I was, even if her comment was well intentioned.

ArcticGrass · 22/12/2025 13:52

You are overthinking it. But the other day I was having trouble changing my details on an insurance policy on line - I'd made such a mess of it that I eventually got handed over to the Unit that I can only assume exists to talk confused older people through using the internet...

I'm 57 and pretty senior in my role at work.

5128gap · 22/12/2025 13:58

I'd have read this as 'don't worry, my nan will do exactly the same as you when it's her turn at the fridge, so no need to apologise'. In your 40s you will not look like the nan of an adult woman.

BillieWiper · 22/12/2025 14:00

She meant her nan is exactly the same in that she blocks the fridges. Not that you and her nan look like long lost twins?! She didn't say anything whatsoever about appearance or looks and neither did you?

cantbearsed27 · 22/12/2025 14:05

No, she's just saying her nan does the same.

Vaguelyclassical · 22/12/2025 14:25

persisted · 22/12/2025 13:40

You're overthinking, but I'm the same!

A couple of weeks ago I was on a packed train, and stood next to a young woman who was seated. There was only one seat so there was a handy gap for me to stand in. I'm physically able and in my 40s, no issues with standing for an hour apart from it being a pain in the neck.
She very sweetly asked me if I was ok and if I wanted her seat. I said no thank you and spent the rest of the journey thinking about how crap I must look if she saw me as that old 😆.

I promise you, speaking from experience, that at a certain point in life you'll move from thinking "I DO NOT look that ancient!" to "WTF isn't one of these athletic young men courteously offering me his seat?"

NiceCupOfChai · 22/12/2025 14:29

There is a little bit of ageism underlying this. She’s mentioned her nan and your first thought is elderly. Her nan is a person with a personality and character traits, and one of her traits is similar to one of yours. It obviously has nothing to do with age.

C152 · 22/12/2025 14:33

I would assume it's a comment on your actions rather than you're age. I'd think she means you faff like her nan; not that you're of a similar age to her nan.

Mummblebee · 22/12/2025 14:36

Fransgran · 22/12/2025 13:50

It's odd how a comment from a random stranger can linger and curdle in the memory if one is remotely sensitive. When I was 8 months pregnant with child three, I was sitting by a hotel pool under a parasol, trying not to melt - it was August in Arizona. I was wearing sunglasses and maxi dress. A woman in the pool where my husband was splashing around with our two children got out and came over to tell me that my "little grandson's shoulders were getting a bit red and my son should make him put his tee shirt back on." She was about sixty with a complexion like leather. I was 31 with an unblemished skin. "My little grandson" is now 43 but I've never forgotton how upset I was, even if her comment was well intentioned.

😮shocking

Idontjetwashthefucker · 22/12/2025 14:42

NiceCupOfChai · 22/12/2025 14:29

There is a little bit of ageism underlying this. She’s mentioned her nan and your first thought is elderly. Her nan is a person with a personality and character traits, and one of her traits is similar to one of yours. It obviously has nothing to do with age.

latetothefisting · 22/12/2025 14:46

If she'd said "my toddler just stands there deciding for ages as well!" would you have assumed she thought you were a 2 year old?

Massively overthinking!

Wot23 · 22/12/2025 14:49

does anyone ask genuine questions in AIBU, or is it a place for I need someone to do my thinking for me type questions?

EchoedSilence · 22/12/2025 14:54

I was browsing in Home Bargains and someone asked me to recommend a stain remover. She said 'I thought someone with your experience might know' I did laugh at her polite way of saying you look old and like you might know a lot about laundry.

Original poster

Keepingitsimple101 · 22/12/2025 14:57

I thought maybe she was implying that I was elderly and a bit slow.

I should add that the woman was getting a bit annoyed by her Nan who she was shopping with. You know how sometimes you see someone speaking to an elderly person like they are a child. So the Nan was saying she wanted cream, and the woman was saying loudly “no Nan, you did this last time remember, you don’t like cream”.

So that was all going on and it was after that she said her Nan does the same thing.

And yes I do realise that I have massively jumped the gun. I was just pondering!

OP posts:

Original poster

Keepingitsimple101 · 22/12/2025 14:58

Wot23 · 22/12/2025 14:49

does anyone ask genuine questions in AIBU, or is it a place for I need someone to do my thinking for me type questions?

No need to be rude now is there 🙂

OP posts:

glendabrownlow · 22/12/2025 15:01

This has happened to me a couple of times, I mean someone talking to me as if I were very old and not quite all there. On both occasions I started off confused at why I was being spoken to so oddly, and then once I realised what was going on I just let them continue. I decided I didn't care that much. Then again, I'm a lot older than you, OP. And yes, I think you're reading too much into it.