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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for having the hump with my mum......

54 replies

Feelingblue2day · 11/06/2008 10:24

My mum kindly looks after my DS 5 days a week so me & my DH can work. She gets paid a fare rate but obviously not as much as normal child care rates.
Me & DH got married earlier this year which took up most of our annual leave days, this also includes out 2 week holiday after the wedding. My mum & dad also went on a 2 week holiday at the same time and also have 2 weeks off in November (child care is covered)
So, my mum has now told me that she needs to have the a friday and monday off at the end of june to take my dad away for a long weekend. Dont get me worng i know we are all intitiled to a weekend away but i am now really stuck with childcare arrangments.
AIBU to have the hump or am i being petty??

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 11/06/2008 11:13

QueenB!! i wouldn't dare either and i think you'd be well out of order if you did, OP!

QueenBhannae · 11/06/2008 11:31

Reading your OP back, it would seem that they took their holidays to coincide with your honeymoon. I assume this was for childcare reasons also?

'She gets paid a fare rate but obviously not as much as normal child care rates'

How old is ds and how much do you consider to be a fair rate?

Kewcumber · 11/06/2008 11:32

When did she tell you Feeling blue - if recent then it isn;t actually much notice to find a childminder for two days.

I do think it might be worth looking into using a childminder one day a week (say Friday) as I suspect that you'll come across this again, and it would give them the ability to go away for weekends wihtou having to consult you.

NotABanana · 11/06/2008 11:34

YABU

Your parents are entitled to a break and why not use the same arrangements for the weekend trip as in November?

cardy · 11/06/2008 11:34

yes YABU I'm afraid...i think she entitled to holidays (as are you and DH).

Do a sickie

Kewcumber · 11/06/2008 11:37

but they are going at the end of June - thats less than 3 weeks away! If their work is like mine they expect at least a months notice to book holiday and if others have booked first then you're stuffed.

I had orginally thought the weekend was November but its this month.

Using family as childcare can be tricky because you need to agree this kind of thing in advance eg how much notice you need to give work to take time off.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 11/06/2008 11:42

I think it is tricky using family for childcare arrangements but I can fully understand you feeling the way you do.
On one hand this break could have been a fantastic bargain/oppertunity and that was the only weekend that they could go but on the other hand I also know that if it was my mum and she knew that dh had the 2 fridays off in 6 your dh has she would try her best to plan her break around that.

I don't think either you or your mum are bein unreasonable actually.

VinegarTits · 11/06/2008 11:49

You can always throw a sicky, as a last resort, if you cant arrange alternative childcare.

You could ring in sick Friday and your dh could ring in sick Monday. Sorted.

Heifer · 11/06/2008 12:04

Hell I think you should be extremely grateful that your parents are willing to help out as much as they do (even if they are paid).. It is a huge commitement on their part and I would think that they will be thinking twice about it if you make such a fuss over them having 2 days off!

Your child, your problem imo.

I realise I may sound harsh but having lost both my parents whom I loved very much I just get cross when I see someone not appreciating what they have. My mum was brilliant but even she said that she wouldn't look after any of her grandchildren on a regular basis as my parents wanted some quality time together, as it turns out they didn't have that long together so I certainly don't resent her decision...

Please don't make your parents feel bad about taking a weekend away together.... it will ruin it for them....

sparklesandnowinefor5months · 11/06/2008 12:17

err..YES YABU!! and bloody lucky to have her help - even if you do pay her she is still doing you a favour

i think your behaving like a spoilt child tbh, your parents have the right to go away and she has given you notice to find other arragements in time

can't you each pull a sickie?

what about DH's parents could they help you out?

egypt · 11/06/2008 12:20

you are lucky to have her help.. i wish it were me.

does she know that it leaves you in a right pickle? if so, then i can kind of see your point. she could move it surely? have you asked her?

if not i think yabu until you do.

VictorianSqualor · 11/06/2008 12:34

Do what vinegartits has suggested.
YABU.

RubyRioja · 11/06/2008 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

naturalblonde · 11/06/2008 21:11

My mum looks after my dd when I'm at work. When she goes on hol, I take dd to work with me (which is only possible for a couple of hours) and then get a local teenager to watch her for the rest of the day.

saggyhairyarse · 11/06/2008 22:09

I would either phone in sick or because child/carer is sick and use up unpaid parental leave.

AbbeyA · 11/06/2008 22:18

I think your parents are entitled to a long weekend! They have already bent over backwards in having the same time as you as a holiday! YABU. What happens if they are ill? You would have to make other arrangements with no notice at all.

Quattrocento · 11/06/2008 22:21

This isn't just a YABU. This is a big fat YABU with knobs on

Your children, your responsibility. You have to make back up arrangements and you have to cope and you absolutely should not put pressure on your parents - it sounds like they are doing far too much for you anyway

findtheriver · 11/06/2008 22:22

Totally unreasonable. Do you expect your parents never to have a long weekend away together??
Sort out proper childcare and pay the going rate - you are taking advantage of your parents.

1dilemma · 11/06/2008 22:26

YABVU
Agree you need to start planning some suitable alternatives

BecauseImWorthIt · 11/06/2008 22:26

"She gets paid a fare rate but obviously not as much as normal child care rates."

So your poor mother looks after your child all week, but for a lower than average wage. Why on earth is this?

And why on earth is it obvious?

You are being very selfish and very unreasonable about this.

Count yourself lucky that your mother is such a good natured person to help you out in this way.

And you have the nerve to be cross with her for wanting some time off?

seeker · 11/06/2008 22:38

Why doesn't she get what a childminder would get? What is a fair rate? Not "obviously" at all!

blueshoes · 11/06/2008 22:40

You are getting your knickers in a twist about 2 days' to cover in June with ample notice?

So how do you and dh get away with working without back up arrangements when childcare arrangements go pears, as they inevitably will. A long awaited wake up call from your mum, I'd say.

To not allow your mum a holiday is slavery.

Quattrocento · 11/06/2008 22:43

"She gets paid a fare rate but obviously not as much as normal child care rates."

BIWI I was wondering about that sentence too. The only way I could make sense of it was that the OP was paying her parents a bus fare. The OP couldn't mean a fair rate because the fair rate would surely be the normal childcare rate?

blueshoes · 11/06/2008 22:49

A childminder does not even get that much to begin with ...

BecauseImWorthIt · 11/06/2008 22:50

Hang on, are we all being suckered in here?

Is this a troll?

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